Social Question

NerdyKeith's avatar

Would you ever alter your religious or spiritual beliefs to appease a significant other?

Asked by NerdyKeith (5464points) March 19th, 2016
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

23 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

Even if I wanted to that wouldn’t be something easy. Religion belief isn’t something that can be changed that easily.

augustlan's avatar

I don’t think it’s possible to truly change your beliefs to appease anyone. Some people might pretend to, but I’m not one of them.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

I don’t think so. I wouldn’t make a very convincing religious person. She’d see through me in a week. My mom converted to Catholicism for my dad, or the marriage wouldn’t be recognized by the Church. My sibs and I were all raised Catholic, went to Catholic schools, the whole nine yards. But she never really bought into it. She loved him and wanted to have his children and if you were going to marry into my father’s family, that’s what you had to do.

JLeslie's avatar

I don’t see how it’s possible. Do you mean convert or go to church to appease them? That’s something different. I don’t think I would convert, I can’t imagine doing it, but I would go to church now and then if they wanted to. I’d be ok with changing some traditions at home to comply with their religious beliefs.

Bill1939's avatar

It is not unusual for a spouse to change from one Christian religion to another to have a common community involvement. It is more difficult to change to or from a non-Christian faith, but it is possible as long as their faiths are relatively liberal. However, changing from Christian or non-Christian fundamentalism to a different faith is all but impossible.

JLeslie's avatar

@Bill1939 What do you mean by liberal in your sentence? I’ve heard people say that it’s easier to just do whatever the spouse prefers if the person isn’t religious, but I’m not religious, and that’s part of why converting or actively participating in another religion seems more impossible to me. For me the biggest thing is how religious someone is.

My very religious FIL, who was raised Jewish, now is a religious Catholic. My not very religious husband, who was raised Catholic, converted to being a not religious Jewish person. Both of them wanted to convert for different reasons that had very little to do with the actual details of the religions.

Seek's avatar


It took two years for me to admit to myself that I was an atheist. I told my husband within days.

Was he happy about it? No. In fact, most of the few arguments we’ve had have been about religious differences. But I couldn’t go along and pretend to feel something I didn’t feel anymore. That would have been a worse blasphemy than my apostasy, because I’d be insulting myself.

SavoirFaire's avatar

No. I might alter my expression of those beliefs, but it’s unlikely that the beliefs themselves would change. This isn’t to say that my beliefs about my partner’s religion wouldn’t change at all. Surely I would come to understand it in a deeper way (at least the version practiced by my partner). But I don’t think that would lead to a conversion.

zenvelo's avatar

No, I would not. But then, no one who wanted appeasement on religious or spiritual belief would not be my significant other.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Of course not. Why even bother with someone making such a demand?

marinelife's avatar

Never. I would never have a significant other who would demand such a thing.

Jak's avatar

No. The very idea of “appeasement” in any form is abhorrent to me.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Um….I guess I’d never be with someone who was that set on a certain belief, or a certain “way” of believing.

I was a Christian when I met my husband as was he, of course. I gave God a lot of credit for the good things that happened.

Of course, that’s changed since then. Pretty sure he has a hunch that it’s changed, but we never talk about it. I think he’d feel very uncomfortable if he had to face the idea that there is no such thing as God.

dappled_leaves's avatar

No. If someone wants me to become religious, they simply are not the partner for me.

Tea_Gryphon's avatar

I wouldn’t. Whomever I’m with, whether they share my belief or not, will have to accept me as I am with my belief system. And I theirs, of course. Converting to appease someone isn’t the right reason to convert in the first place, nor the sign of a healthy relationship.

I’m Christian, but my boyfriend is agnostic. He respects what I believe and respects that that’s how I’m raising my son to be and does not interfere with that. I like that he knows it’s important to me. I know he doesn’t quite know where he falls in what to believe, but I don’t try to convert him. I will simply set an example of what I believe, and if he finds it awesome enough to join in, then that’s great.

Pachy's avatar

No! Promising to change one’s basic beliefs is lying to one’s self and lying to a partner. No relationship can survive that.

Mariah's avatar

Hell nah. I can be repectful and accepting of what other people believe. That ought to be enough for a partner. If I respect his beliefs I don’t see why they have to match. I’d ask that he also respect my (lack of) beliefs, and that would mean not trying to change my mind.

Plus, believing in god isn’t just something I could decide to do. Even if I wanted to believe (I often do), wanting it doesn’t make sufficient evidence magically appear.

Bill1939's avatar

@JLeslie, I use the term liberal to mean relatively open-minded. All faiths have members who rigidly hold their beliefs as incontrovertible, unquestionable, indisputable and incontestable. They will never, nor should they be willing to compromise their belief by acquiescing to their intended spouse’s religious preference. Others are willing to consider that some aspects of their faith’s doctrine may be allegorical or mythical and will have less difficulty going to a different church, temple or mosque.

JLeslie's avatar

@Bill1939 On another Q a few days ago someone else brought up liberal regarding religion, and I found it interesting. I always thought of myself as conservative regarding religion and children, liberal in that I’m fine with whatever anyone (adult) wants to believe and practice.

kritiper's avatar

No. Nada. Never.

disquisitive's avatar

No. If you could do that you didn’t have a belief; you were just trying to be part of a club.

DominicY's avatar

No, I would not. Though my beliefs have evolved over time and it’s possible a significant other’s beliefs and ideas could cause them to evolve even more.

LadyMarissa's avatar

NO, I couldn’t alter my beliefs. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone who expected me to just because of them. In the same light, I would never expect them to alter their beliefs. If we couldn’t agree to disagree then we wouldn’t be right for each other. When I was a child I thought as a child & could easily be swayed. As an adult I have developed certain values that my life has taught me & they are non-negotiable. Just because it’s not right for them it doesn’t mean it’s not the perfect thing for me!!!

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