Social Question

NerdyKeith's avatar

What do you think about those who purposely avoid introverted people?

Asked by NerdyKeith (5464points) April 9th, 2016

I sometimes have to deal with this being a very introverted person with Aspergers. I try to be sociable, but sometimes through no fault of my own I can be very socially awkward.

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22 Answers

trolltoll's avatar

perhaps they are introverted themselves?

NerdyKeith's avatar

@trolltoll No, it’s usually people who are very extroverted. They usually have the attitude that they don’t have time for people like me or find me weird. Not all extroverted people mind you, don’t want to generalize.

Darth_Algar's avatar

I’m glad for them. Less people that I have to deal with.

(*Note: I’m not socially awkward or anything, I just don’t find many people to be worthy of my time.)

Mimishu1995's avatar

They just want people who are like them, but you aren’t. Don’t try. You can’t please everyone. Accept that some people are not for you and stick to those who are.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

I agree with @Darth_Algar. Hey, there a 7.5 billion people out there. There is no shortage of any one type of people. And, I’m sorry to tell you this, pal, but not everybody is going to like you or your type.

jca's avatar

I don’t judge people about stuff like this. People hang with who they want to hang with, and I don’t look down on them for it. I like certain kinds of people and nobody can tell me that I should or shouldn’t be friends with who I want to.

canidmajor's avatar

Unless you wear a big scarlet “I” on your chest, they won’t know until they meet you that you’re introverted and/or socially awkward. I’m sorry @NerdyKeith, but you are generalizing. Some people will avoid you, maybe because they don’t like to feel that they have to carry the bulk of the weight of the interaction.

There is a whole line of “Lo, the poor sensitive Introvert” sentiment on the Internet these days, and it often presents as the sentiment that Extroverts are insensitive, attention-seeking, emotional bullies.
Maybe we are not avoiding Introverts, maybe we are respecting your boundaries. We get told so often that we are pushy and obnoxious that we don’t want to be perceived that way and no longer are willing to approach the quiet ones.
I am sorry that you feel people are “avoiding” you, maybe people are respecting your space. And as uncomfortable as you sometimes are in social circumstances, maybe you can learn to respect that others might be uncomfortable making the effort to break through your discomfort.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Are you sure the extroverted types are deliberately avoiding you? They may just be moving around so quickly that you’re left with that impression. You as the introvert are the one with the time & penchant for introspection. The extrovert is too busy bopping about, and I think the down side to this is that they miss a lot. It always puzzles me that the introverts take such behavior personally. After all, of the 2 types, which would you expect to be best equipped to figure out the dynamics?

NerdyKeith's avatar

@canidmajor No I’m not generalizing, the world “sometimes” is significant. But I do appreciate your advice and perspective.

canidmajor's avatar

How do you know, then, that ”’s usually people who are very extroverted.” that avoid you? Would you be able to tell if the Introverts were deliberately avoiding you? Wouldn’t their very nature as Introverts make it almost impossible to tell?

NerdyKeith's avatar

@canidmajor Based on my own experiences. Introverted people tend to empathize with how I am. However there are extroverts that will try to be understanding.

jca's avatar

If someone tries to talk to another person and that person is not receptive, maybe the “talker” does not want to push themselves on the introverted person or may not want to feel like they’re bothering them, which is a legitimate concern.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

@NerdyKeith I know exactly what you are saying. I think of those extroverts as “feeding” as in seeking attention and you’re not giving it so they go find it elsewhere. It’s an insatiable thirst for some just like we need time away to recharge. This is going to sound bad but I almost feel those types literally sucking the life out of me. At other times though that same person will be “giving” and they are a joy to be around.

Jak's avatar

I neither notice nor care. I avoid people in general like the plague, and have my quota of forced interaction with my job.

thorninmud's avatar

I’m an introvert myself, though I don’t think that’s readily apparent in casual encounters. But there’s a fellow who works in my office building, a janitor, who is quite obviously very introverted and likely has Asperger’s.

I find that I’m conflicted about how and whether to interact with him. It’s not at all my wish to avoid him. I’m not in the least bit put off by him. But I have no clear sense that he wants interaction.

I know from my own experience that feeling of wanting to be invisible, not having to engage with everyone who comes your way, because it’s work rather than pleasure. Would my well intentioned outreach be just another chore for him to have to deal with, I wonder? I get to spend most of my work day alone in my workshop, and I love that solitude; but this guy has to be out in the halls and entryways of the building all day, with dozens of people brushing by. Does he really want to have to interact with them? I just don’t know, so I grant him invisibility.

ucme's avatar

You missed a trick n the wording of your question, i’d have replaced “avoid” with “shy away from”
Just an observation from the mind of a child;-}

canidmajor's avatar

@NerdyKeith: So the Introverts are approaching you? Interesting.

And really, this thread is a good example of what I was saying. I never see posts or threads from Extroverts complaining that Introverts aren’t approaching them.
And FYI, all you Introverts that need to recharge: Guess what! We do, too! If you are upset because people are in your face or not letting you recharge, or whatever, maybe you should revise your word usage.

“Obnoxious” people do that. And they are not necessarily Extroverts. “Obnoxious” people are attention seekers, “feeders” etc etc, not necessarily Extroverts. Some may also be Extroverts, but I have met at least as many obnoxious Introverts as Extroverts. They are the ones who, in the workplace, instead of simply excusing themselves for a few minutes must explain that they are Introverts and “need to recharge”. Or the ones that, in a social setting make a point of telling someone who approaches them that the approacher should be more sensitive to their boundaries, and so on.
This extra effort to be divisive seems bizarre to me, in a world and a time where most of us are striving to be inclusive, to eradicate racism and misogyny and class barriers.

So by all means, wear your scarlet “I“s on your chests and I will leave you alone, and you can complain amongst yourselves that I am deliberately ignoring you.
Too bad, because I’m pretty sure we could have some interesting conversations.

NerdyKeith's avatar

@canidmajor, ok point taken. I did not mean to sound like I was generalizing an entire group. Sorry it came across that way.

But just to say, I tend to relate more with introverts.

NerdyKeith's avatar

@Darth_Algar Haha great perspective, love that!

@Mimishu1995 Yes, it would certainly seem that an emphasis on attempted conformity is going on. You’re right and I just can’t feel comfortable with conforming to something that just doesn’t seem like me

ARE_you_kidding_me Yes thats exactly it. What I have found is that I come across individuals who put pressure on me to make small talk. And that just doesn’t work, as it then comes off forced and not genuine in my experience.

dammitjanetfromvegas's avatar

There is truth to your question. There is a user here on Fluther who has stated that she finds quiet people boring and she doesn’t have the patience to interact with them.

I didn’t know what an introvert was until I was an adult. If I would have known it would have saved me from so much inner turmoil. I’m 45 and I still suffer from feeling like I don’t belong. I grew up being told I was too quiet and too shy. I was made to feel that I wasn’t normal. People thought I was weird.

I was surprised to hear from my daughter’s 5th grade teacher that she was quiet. He wanted to seat her next to a friend so she might talk more. This insinuates that there’s something wrong with her. She is very talkative when she is with her best friends and family. Her father and I never saw this quiet side of her. I can now tell her that being introverted and quiet is normal and she doesn’t need to feel like she needs to conform.

I’m fine with those who might want to avoid me. They’d probably annoy me anyway.

NerdyKeith's avatar

@dammitjanetfromvegas Yes I have come across a lot of people like that. In fact I’ve known a person who took it a step further claiming that people assume that quiet people don’t like you (because they don’t talk enough).

Yes there is too much of a forceful tendency in society to mould people so they fit neatly into a box.

Mariah's avatar

Eh, people can favor who they want. As an introvert myself, I understand what a strain it can be to make conversation when it doesn’t seem to flow naturally between myself and the other person.

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