General Question

jnkpauley's avatar

Dating question?

Asked by jnkpauley (226points) May 13th, 2016

My friend dated a guy a year ago. He dropped the ball and months later he texted her. They couldn’t connect but finally, after many texts back and forth, but the ball got dropped again. She felt guilty and texted him to see if he still wanted to meet up, (since he originally ASKED HER to meet up.) NOW he is saying he just wants to drop by HER place. She asked him what the plan was. He replied that, “I’ll be at your house about 2pm.” He says that he thinks that they should just sit and talk. I think it is weird. Am I wrong in thinking that it is strange that he wants to invite himself over to her house to have a drink???

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11 Answers

Coloma's avatar

He sounds rather flaky but I don’t think it’s necessarily weird. No offense but really, it’s none of your business. Dating is a learning curve, let your friend be free to make her own choices and mistakes. Really, that’s what it comes down to.

Personally, as a wise and mature women I wouldn’t have given Mr. Flake a second chance after the first time he played the fade away game but it’s your friends call and what you think doesn’t matter. Who knows what his motive is without asking him directly. Maybe your friend came on too strong and scared him off the first time. You’ll find out all the details soon enough, be patient and don’t jump to any conclusions or try and second guess anything.

If your friend lives alone maybe have her text you a check in at a certain time just to be safe on the outside chance the dudes Jack the Ripper. haha

kritiper's avatar

That sounds weird. Proceed with caution! Have another friend visit at the same time so you’re not alone.

zenvelo's avatar

It sounds like she knows him well enough to be safe if he already knows where she lives. I would just advise her to,have a very low expectation of a positive outcome.

And for her own good,she ought to consider him having to prove not flaking on her ever again.

It sounds like she likes him, enough to give him a second chance a year later. As a friend I would wish her luck yet also caution her to not be a doormat.

jca's avatar

If I were her (or if it’s you), I wouldn’t have him to my house. I’d agree (if she were willing) to meet him somewhere else. Cafe, book store, park, something like that.

jnkpauley's avatar

Thanks for the great responses! Here’s more of the back story: they had two dates; one time for drinks and once for a brief dinner. He picked her up one of the times which is how he knew where she lives. He didn’t call her after that, just no more calls/texts. Nada. :( Then in March, she got a text from him… She agreed to meet up but had several work conflicts. The texts fell silent so she felt kinda bad and texted him just to see how he was doing a couple weeks ago. They then agreed upon today to meet up. Fast forward to yesterday. The final update: after several texts back and forth in which he was suggesting they meet at her place, she declined, saying that meeting at her place was not what she had in mind. He replied in the end, “Well, remember YOU called ME.” Huh? Geez, I’m so glad I’m married. She’s almost sixty and she says he was the cream of the crop. Yikes. Thanks again!!

zenvelo's avatar

Aha! His ghosting her puts the whole story in a little different perspective.

When she reached out to him, he took it as a cue that she wanted to have sex. He misinterpreted her, but now everyone knows the basis for everything.

Coloma's avatar

What a weenie, lord, that’s why I don’t date and I am 56, divorced for 13 years now. Too much trouble, too much energy, and I really just don’t care. lol
Sooo..his behavior says that A. He is a control freak and insists in having things his way and B. When he doesn’t get his way he resorts to childish argument and refuses to compromise. Pretty clear the guy is a 1st class ass.

Obviously he has no interest in an actual date, just an easy squeeze. Good for your friend, she showed good self respect and self esteem not allowing this ass to jerk her around.

si3tech's avatar

@jnkpauley I think it’s weird. Your “friend” would be wise to avoid him.

Dutchess_III's avatar

OK, it’s about sex. I don’t know how old you are, but if your friend is almost 60, and you’re around that same age range, you both know this.

Single men are not into “conversation,” or “hanging out” with a woman, unless they’ve been sexually satiated, or expect to be reward with sex for it at some point, especially in a case like this, where he shows no other interest in her.

I have a feeling that they’ve already had sex, so he has an expectation that they will again, and he’s willing to go through the motions of “hanging out,” in order to get it again, because he’s horny and can’t get lucky somewhere else.

Does that put the question you asked: ”Am I wrong in thinking that it is strange that he wants to invite himself over to her house to have a drink???” in a new light? No. It isn’t strange at all, except that it’s strange that, your age, you should wonder why he would do that.

jnkpauley's avatar

I’ve been married for 20 years. I guess even back when I was dating it was a crap shoot as to the various motives men had. Seems like the older one gets the narrower the pool… And those that AREN’T in a committed relationship generally AREN’T in one for good reason. Just my unscientific observation. As I said before, I’m glad I’m not in her shoes. The funny thing is, she’s successful, attractive, owns her own home… Seems like there should be someone out there in the same boat, but a she’s had a heck of a time. She’s pretty much resigned herself to being single. Thx again. :)

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