General Question

SuperMouse's avatar

Would leave your daughter?

Asked by SuperMouse (30829points) July 30th, 2008

Would you leave your 17 year-old daughter just beginning her senior year in high school to take a job in another city?

This is a good kid who has made good choices up til now, and seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Her father will be there with her. There are no economic considerations, just the desire to start over in a new city. Mom and Dad are still married and Mom will visit once a month.

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20 Answers

Seesul's avatar

Depends..what is her opinion on it?

chaosrob's avatar

No, I don’t think so. Not unless there was no other way, or it was temporary or something along those lines. Breaking up a family for a job is a Depression-era survival move, not the kind of thing you’d do for convenience or a “really cool” job opportunity or something. Especially since she’s coming into the age where Mom will be required for things like learning to use makeup and clothes, relationship skills and numerous other examples of how a woman deals with adult issues. Feels like a bad idea to me.

kevbo's avatar

I say ask her (have a talk) and weigh her opinion more heavily than yours. Don’t impress your opinion/desire on her in the process, though.

poofandmook's avatar

@kev: as the parent or as the child?

poofandmook's avatar

my question would be, what’s Dad’s take on all this?

syz's avatar

If she’s living with her father, as long as he’s a responsible parent, sure.

flameboi's avatar

Nope, mom and dad together makes a huge difference, specially when you are a teenager, My dad left to take a job In other continent, and even though I had a good head on my shoulders and I’ve been a good kid (never in trouble, loving son) and I was 17 either…
My dad left for 2 years… in those 2 years I changed so badly… It’s a miracle that I’m still here and that I’m a good person after all the wrong choices I made, I’m sure that if my mom would have left instead of my dad, I’d be a basket case now… Stay, I wish my dad would have never left… this is a son point of view and how I felt about his decision of leaving…

gailcalled's avatar

A daughter’s senior year in high school is a memorable one; I treasured every moment of it with my daughter. She then went off to college and had emotionally flown the nest. Can the mother wait one more year?

flameboi's avatar

by the way, today is my fluther birthday! I’m finally one year old, I think we should celebrate our bdays here :)

kevbo's avatar

@pook, as the mother ask the opinion of the daughter and weigh the daughter’s opinion more heavily. The really hard part (from experience) is not impressing one’s opinion upon a child.

I think flameboi’s is a good story as is gail’s and I think caution with this decision is warranted. I guess this question also has me thinking whether the daughter’s personality is expansive (i.e. would she regard this as an adventure rather than a… what’s the word… an absence from the home or something—a negative to compensate for).

Sloane2024's avatar

personally, I would feel devastated if my mom left. I’m close to the girl’s age and can’t imagine what life would be like only seeing her once a month; however, I’m unordinarily close to my mother. If the girl doesn’t have a particularly close relationship with the woman leaving, I’d say definitely dont do it. They’ll drift even further apart at a point in her life where she’s going to need maternal guidance more than ever. Not to mention how she’ll subliminally feel abandoned. All in all, the mother should try to stick around for at least one more year.

sndfreQ's avatar

Agree with gailcalled on this one.

marinelife's avatar

I don’t think the job is worth all the time you will miss. As has been pointed out, this is an irreplaceable time in your child’s life. It is worth more than a new start that could happen next year after daughter goes off to college.

I also don’t think the child should be the decision maker here.

gailcalled's avatar

An example was the graduation dress. We were all at a school that believed in individuality. So my daughter bought a size 40 beautiful white Victorian lawn embroidered nightgown. I altered it down to a size 8 and purchased a 4” pink satin ribbon in order to make a sash and a huge bow. It was a drawn-out project but I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.

cheebdragon's avatar

she will resent you for it.

arnbev959's avatar

and if she doesn’t resent you, she will miss you, and that’s even worse.

tinyfaery's avatar

I can’t make a blanket statement as to whether this is ok or not, because I do not know these people. I can envision many situations, some in which I would say no, others where I would say it is acceptable. Maybe the daughter wants something great for her mother, and is willing to sacrifice for her mother’s happiness; maybe this opportunity is a lifelong dream for the mother; or perhaps, the daughter is really close to the mother, and it would be damaging for mom to leave. There are just too many variables to definitively say yes or no.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I wouldn’t. My Mom left when I was 20. She moved to Seattle. We stayed in Kansas. I had two younger sisters, 16 and 15. Mom took the youngest with her. My other sister made an attempt to move up there but became too homesick for her friends. Her leaving was painful, even though I was grown. So, no. Never.

marinelife's avatar

Sounds like she is leaving the nest early. I left for college at 17 and never lived at home again.

Dutchess_III's avatar

No…the MOM is leaving, not the daughter. Kids are expected to leave. Not the parents.

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