Social Question

idream3r's avatar

Anyone with anxiety having relationship problems?

Asked by idream3r (439points) June 14th, 2016

I’ve been having issues approaching women. Mainly due to my anxiety and financial status. Financially I am not stable at the moment. Still living with my parents and attempting to save up for my own place. Living in NYC is not easy. Plus I began working very late. Currently 27, began working at 25. Did a bit of freelancing before then but was not making that much money. At my age having my own place is essential. Especially when dating, don’t want to take a date back to my parents place.

Women do show interest, but they want me to make the first move. Today I was exiting the train for work. A women from the other side of the train car walked toward my side as the train was stopping. The entire time she was walking we kept looking at each other. As we were going down the stairs ( it was mainly just me and her) she began walking very close to me, to the point that our shoulders touched. We were also walking in the same stride. It was just me and her walking down the stairs. It was as if she was waiting for me to say something. However I did not and kept walking. I regret it so much. This happens quite often. I just get cold feet and just ignore them.

Had she said something to me first I would have most definitely asked for her number. I guess am more of an introvert. I am pretty shy by nature when it comes to approaching women. I guess its because I never really had a girlfriend. More like friends with benefits. I am working hard on getting a better job so I can save enough to move out.

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9 Answers

Seek's avatar

She did make the first move. You chose not to respond.

If you’re not willing to take a chance, you’ll never accomplish anything. Unfortunately, you’ll have to figure out for yourself how to do that. There’s always a chance you’ll find an extremely dominant woman who is willing to do all the work to start a relationship, but at some point you’ll have to talk to her.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Perhaps you may find her again. Be ready next time.

gondwanalon's avatar

I’ve always had what I think of as a nervous personality. Doctors call it an “anxiety problem” and prescribe “lorazepam” but I don’t take it. I think that I function OK without it around friends and at work.

I was very much like you when I was your age. I always loved women but was too shy and introverted to do anything about it. I lived in San Francisco in my 20’s and 30’s and everyone thought I was gay even when I told them that I wasn’t. Even gay men thought I was gay and I was asked out by other men frequently. I always tried to be kind to then when I turned them down. I justified not dating women by working full time and part time and taking classes at SF State Uni. When I turned 35 I started dating women and found it very easy to do, partly perhaps there were so many gay men in SF and so more women were available. I also joined 3 dating clubs and was having the time of my life and met my wife and have been living happily ever after.

I still feel nervous around people. But my good friends know that it is just who I am and all is good. I envy people who seem to feel absolutely at lease around other people. People really drain the energy out of me.

Once you get a good job I suggest that you join a singles club of some sort. Don’t worry about it. Just do it. Meet lots of women. Don’t worry if the date isn’t working. Just remember there are countless other women out there. Find the right one for you.

Good health!

Unofficial_Member's avatar

This would seem like an almost-romantic, drama-like sweet encounter for me. Are you sure that she really was waiting for you to initiate a conversation? It could be that it was a coincidence that you both were going for the same place at the same place and time, I find it unlikely that a woman will purposely ‘tailgate’ a man like that just to get his attention, yet it’s not impossible to happen. One clue, and this is what I find accurate, if either you or her smile in your encounter then usually your natural instinct will take over and you’ll introduce yourself or start a small talk (like “Hi, how are you today?” Or “Busy day, eh?” Then proceed to introduce your name), a smile from someone is also a good indication that he/she is approachable. Smiles go for miles.

I’m sure that not every woman will take your financial capacity and living location as measurements for their possible partner (there are many young adults that still live with their parents as part of their culture), if they don’t accept you the way you are then they’re not worth to pursue. You’re an introvert so a good alternative to find a partner would be through a dating website/app, you said that you usually get cold feet but I doubt you’ll get cold fingers with this alternative lol.

idream3r's avatar

@Seek Thanks for the response I really appreciate it. Your right, however it is not easy. Living with anxiety and being an introvert makes it hard to approach.Your right in that I have to take chances which I am working on. Hopefully getting a better job and bettering myself will give me more confidence. Really don’t want me single for the rest of my life.

@stanleybmanly Thanks for the response I really appreciate it. Hopefully I do, next time ill be sure to approach.

@gondwanalon Thanks for the response I really appreciate it. That was really helpful. I appreciate you sharing your personal story with me. I can relate to many of the things you mentioned in your response. I will continue to move towards finding a better job and will definitely try and meet more women. Another issue I have and forgot to mention is I look really young for my age. Most people assume I am in High school. I often get hit on by teenage girls. Hopefully I find the right one for me soon. :)

@Unofficial_Member Thanks for the response I really appreciate it. It’s just the way we kept looking at each as she was walking towards my side on the train. Every time I looked away and looked back, she was still staring. I actually got to the stairs first. As I was walking I saw her come down pretty quick to catch up. As she got close to me she slowed down and began walking extremely close and at the same pace as me. Thanks for the advice as well, its greatly appreciated.

ibstubro's avatar

Do you, perhaps, have a problem with self esteem? When I was young and attractive I always believed that it was likely my imagination that another person was attracted to me, so I seldom acted on it.

I would advise you to force yourself to talk to strangers. Say to that guy on the train wearing that great shirt, “That’s a great shirt, where did you get it?” Question people you don’t know about things you don’t know. Ask that older lady in the produce department, “How do you tell if a mango is ready to eat?”

If you can get yourself over your initial shyness, your life, generally, will be easier and the next time a woman flirts with you, you’ll likely say something stupid charming.
As long as you say, something.

idream3r's avatar

@ibstubro I would admit I kind of have problems with my self esteem. When I was younger I did not get a lot of attention from girls. So now that I am older I don’t know how to deal with women being attracted to me since its not something I am use to. Not sure if that makes sense.

ibstubro's avatar

How old are you, @idream3r?

idream3r's avatar

@ibstubro I am 27, however I look like I’m 17–19

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