Social Question

StrongH3art's avatar

Why are some people so ignorant?

Asked by StrongH3art (229points) July 4th, 2016

I’m one of the nicest, most kind hearted people you’ll ever meet. However everyone has their breaking point. Every time when I’m playing football (soccer) people under estimate me. When I play, I’m clean but aggressive. Some people don’t like when you play tough defense on them. So they start cursing, fouling and making threats.

Yesterday me and my friend were playing in our church shoes and clothes since we left our stuff. People kept harassing and making fun of us. When they found out we were actually good and defending them well they got mad. They kept talking so much to the point that I had to defend myself. I’m a nice guy but I don’t back down. I can take people’s ignorance to an extent.

Today we are at a park for a BBQ. We woke up at 5am and was there at 7am to secure the area. People starting coming hours later trying to take our spot. There is so much space, but they don’t want to walk far to get a spot. Like if you see someone took a spot move somewhere else. It’s a huge park. 2 people took our chairs without asking and argued when we asked for it back.

I live in the Bronx, NY and that’s how it’s here. People are just really ignorant when it comes to certain things. That’s why I spend most my time in Manhattan or in a better environment. The Bronx is really ghetto at times. People don’t know how to act. That’s why is impossible for us to get good things here.

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42 Answers

janbb's avatar

There’s a lot of frustration in your question and nothing that’s easy to answer. I feel for you.

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

People are frequently ignorant, selfish and lazy. In other news, water is wet.

Your frustration is understandable – to a point. Take this morning’s events: You woke up early and arrived at the park soon after dawn in order to find and secure the most desirable spot you could. Is it not unreasonable to assume that others would find the same spot to be desirable, as well?

In a one-morning microcosm, you’ve recapitulated the entire history of not only the Bronx, but most of the world, as well. Congratulations on having learned so much in so short a time. Most people can live an entire lifetime without coming to that understanding, and here it took you only a few hours of experience and a single question on Fluther. You’re welcome.

This is why, when I get up early and go to a place such as you have described, I try to find and stake out the places – partly because I like the places, and partly because I do not like being crowded by other people – that other people may not care for so much: the far end of the park, the place that’s away from the concessions, the traffic, the entrances and exits, that sort of thing. It makes for a longer walk, but it’s not so crowded, either. Well, until people find out that I’m there, anyway, and they come looking for advice, or food, or just to bask in my presence, that is. It’s the price of living this life, I guess.

jca's avatar

@StrongH3art: Partly what @CWOTUS said (finding a spot that’s far away, for example). For me, being in a more secluded spot would be better than being in a spot where everyone who enters the picnic area is going to walk past. Partly it’s because you live in a part of the country (NY NY) where people are just more aggressive and assertive because they have to be. When you grow up in an area where there’s a lot of poverty and a large population, very crowded conditions (yes, there’s also a lot of wealth in Manhattan as you mentioned people there are nicer but the whole area is crowded), people have to be aggressive because if they’re not, they won’t get anything.

I grew up just north of there, and many people I work with are from there. Believe me, I know. For those who may be familiar with the area (others on Fluther who I can’t name) they comprehend. For people who have never been to this part of the country, they have no clue.

Cruiser's avatar

I blame it all on this new age entitlement mentality. People nowadays want what they don’t have and expect to get it no matter how little effort they put forth to the point they will just take it like your ball field you got up early to secure.

Also this new trend of giving participation awards creates a mindset that one is as good even better than the athlete that is clearly better than them. Just be glad you are not as selfish and self-centered as these other dudes and enjoy your day despite their obvious ignorance.

NerdyKeith's avatar

Because for a lot of people ignorance is bliss. But it can also be influenced on their surroundings, and upbringing. This is why we do see people of certain labels self-loathing, they are essentially parroting what their peers tell them.

ucme's avatar

They’re cunts
You can’t control their actions, instead, focus on controlling your frustration
This is best done by chanting I am not a cunt…hoorah!!
Do this every morning before breakfast & right after a shit, you will feel a great cleansing wash over you…here endeth the lesson :)

canidmajor's avatar

I understand your frustration described in the first two paragraphs, I appreciate your annoyance. But I am confused about the park scenario. Did you go early and put stuff there and then leave again, assuming that others would respect your place-saving techniques? Did the people that took your chairs take them away from you, or take them from a space that you hoped to occupy later (as evidenced by the empty chairs)? In the communities in which I have lived, it is not a given that calling “dibs” on space in a public area, without an actual human presence, is necessarily honored. Public areas tend to be a “first come, first served” kind of thing.
Maybe, in this particular case, people are not being so ignorant, as much as you were being presumptive.
However this ultimately plays out, I wish for you a Happy 4th.

jca's avatar

Good questions brought up by @canidmajor.

From what I know (or how I do), even if there’s not a human presence, if you place your stuff down on a spot (park, movie theater seat, etc.), if someone were to actually move it, that would be cause for an argument.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Because we often forget how incredibly good life is compared to the suffering going on all around the world. We are as you say… ignorant to it.

I wonder if a day spent in Sub-Sahara Africa, or a war torn country might put things in perspective to see how trivial our self inflicted troubles compare to those who must survive on penny’s a day. The insults pampered Westerners must endure become comical revealing how thin skinned we really are.

I know a blind paraplegic teenage boy. Confined to a wheel chair, never to enjoy the feeling of sand squished between his toes. This kid is always cheerful and positive no matter what hurdles life tosses him. He doesn’t care if someone steals his cupcake. He sees a bigger picture.

Dutchess_III's avatar

To expound on @canidmajor‘s question…in America we usually bring our own personal camp chairs to outdoor events. Were people taking your own personal chairs, or did the chairs belong to the park? If they belonged to the park, did you put something on them, a cup, anything, to indicate they were spoken for? Were they placed in some sort of obvious order, in a semi circle or something?

And I don’t know that the behavior you’re describing is so much ignorance as argumentative belligerence. Part of that could be caused by your own behavior, whether you realized it or not.

Coloma's avatar

Yep, people can be real jerks, no doubt, and that always comes as a bit of a shock to those of us that are conscientious and well mannered.
Recently I encountered a women in the grocery store that left her cart in front of me and several other people to run off for one more item. She was gone for well over 5 minutes and the person at the checkout was done, so, I moved her cart aside and started unloading my groceries. She came back a minute or so later and had a meltdown and I calmly told her that she was holding up the line and had forfeited her place by being gone for 5 minutes or more.

Her projections were astonishing, including blurting out ” well, I can what type of person you are!” LMAO. The funny part was several other people in line jumped to my defense and she finally shut up. haha
Seriously, WHO the HELL abandons their cart in a line of people at the checkout for like 7 minutes, then complains because she got pushed aside to accommodate others that were waiting? You just have to laugh it off, no matter how annoying but stand your ground!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Wow @Coloma. It always floors me when I encounter people like that. WTH? A while back I was in line at a drive through. The cars were backed up to the street. A couple were literal IN the street, waiting. Some chick in front of me was on her phone or whatever, and the cars in front of her were moving up, but she didn’t move up with them. After there were about 3 empty car lengths in front of her, I tapped my horn. She screamed out the window, “What are you in such a hurry about?! I can’t even order yet!”
I said, “There are people waiting in the the street for you to move up.”
Back on her phone she snarled to whomever she was talking to, “I oughta just get out and go back there and show that bitch what it’s all about.” It was sickening to me.

The only thing you can control about it is how you react to it.

Coloma's avatar

@Dutchess_III Amazing isn’t it! I also see, all the time, in my regular grocery store, mall zone, people that refuse to stop for people crossing from the grocery store across the parking lot. There will be elderly people that can hardly walk tottering across and people will just blow by them. I ALWAYS stop for people crossing, I don’t care if I have to wait an extra couple minutes. Mind blowing!

cazzie's avatar

New York. Lots of people. Small space. Trust me, the whole world is not like that.

@Dutchess_III is right. You can’t control what other people do, you can only control how you react. Humanity, en-masse, often leaves me aghast, but I have to believe there is some good in the individual when they are faced with a reasonable counter action. ‘Hey, Dudes, Really? Come on…’ When bullies challenge and find that, instead of ruffling the feathers of some show-off peacock, they have disturbed a very reasonable person, they are more likely become reasonable. Elevating the situation and chest-beating only makes things worse.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I do too @Coloma. I figure they’re out in the cold/rain/snow while I’m snug in my car. Let ‘em go on by. However, I’ve also noticed a trend lately where pedestrians don’t even look before they step out in front of cars. It’s like they think they’re entitled to…something. It’s stupid. Drivers have more than just you on their radar. I always stop and wait for the driver to flag me on, which they invariably do.

rojo's avatar

Ignorance is a state of being uninformed, uninstructed or unenlightened.

When people underestimate your abilities on the pitch you enlighten them and at that point they may be boorish, ill-mannered, callow, impolite, uncouth, rude or a number of other adjectives but they are no longer ignorant. You have enlightened them.
As to why they act the way they do after that perhaps it is your manner of teaching they object to but more likely the way they have chosen to be.
When I played, defense was my position, mostly left but sometimes, when younger and faster, sweeper and I probably played the way you do; I practiced hard and I played harder. Most decent players have this mindset and understand it when they come up against it. I was a clean player, mostly. I was as clean as my opponent was. Take me down and it was on; beat me fairly and I will try harder next time.
As I got older and had a family I taught my kids to play the same way. My son was a runt, one of the two shortest on the team (until he was 18, now he is 6’ tall) but learned early that size didn’t matter, skill did. He used his diminutive size to his advantage because his opponents always underestimated him. Being on the small side and knowing his kicks were not as powerful as he wanted them to be, once he took the ball away from a larger opponent and knowing that they were bigger, more powerful and coming after him, he learned to quickly and accurately distributed it up the field to a waiting teammate.
My daughter was on a co-ed team but the only female on the team and usually the only female in the game. I cannot tell you how many times coaches would send their strikers down her side of the field assuming she would be the weak link only to have their strongest player end up ball-less and wondering what just happened. Never underestimate an opponent, particularly a female one.

On your other point about the BBQ I would say that you were ignorant when you arrived at the park and much wiser when you left. Bet you don’t make the same mistake next time.

On your overarching blanket statement about the Bronx, I cannot help you there. I am ignorant about that particular area. I can tell you though that while it helps to have a proper upbringing people can overcome ignorance if they choose to do so but they have to recognize there is a problem and decide to rectify it.

Darth_Algar's avatar

Because everyone always assumes that the problem is with everyone else, not them.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Welcome, let’s hope you encounter no such ignorance here. Why are some people seemingly so ignorant? Self-centeredness, unmet expectation, arrogance, and ego, or instance, the people at the park had an expectation of getting a spot close to their vehicles so they would not have to walk far or lug stuff over distance. Lo and behold, they get there, you have beaten them to the punch, now their plans and expectations are gone. That makes them frustrated and the only thing they have left to deal with it is get angry or blame someone. If they really wanted to get a good spot they would have gotten there much earlier like you. By getting beat out they had to admit their laziness cost them the chance to get a cushy spot; that bruises their ego. Those who were playing football had an expectation on how well they would play more than you because they felt they dressed more the part, when they found out that in spite how you were dressed they could not run roughshod over you but actually had their play reduced, all that big talk of theirs they ended up pretty much being all hat with no cattle, that frustrated them and all they have left is insult and curses (it happens here at time too). People’s ignorance is usually triggered by self-centeredness, unmet expectation, arrogance, and ego.

Coloma's avatar

@Dutchess_III Very true, funny you mention that because I JUST, about 30 minutes ago stopped for a women crossing in front of me and she didn’t look or even acknowledge my courtesy.—
Most people do, at least smile or wave or otherwise make some gesture of acknowledgement.

@Darth_Algar because the problem usually IS other people. haha

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Thanks @Darth_Algar. Very wise.

I live inside an amusement park… And I work from home. Thousands of people come to visit me every day. I’m listening to children screaming and playing right now, outside my window. Just getting my mail usually entails walking through a crowd of a hundred strangers.

I see and personally experience a lot of confrontation every day. An infinite number of personalities from people all over the world. It’s tempting (very tempting at times) to judge others as moronic, insensitive, ignorant, inconsiderate, etc…

But I made a life choice to avoid proclaiming judgment upon others… though I don’t always succeed. First and foremost, I’m not qualified. No one voted me king of the world. No one that I know of has agreed to act the way I want them to act. To my knowledge, people are not robots. They weren’t made in the same factory and they don’t come with the same startup program. Yet interestingly, the value of every person is exactly the same, regardless if I judge their behavior as valuable to me.

The Fundamental Attribution Error teaches us that an angry inconsiderate man may be exhibiting a situational disposition, rather than reflecting a personality disposition. That man may just have had his wallet stolen. He may be having family problems. Such situational trauma has absolutely nothing to do with me… unless I interpret and internalize the disposition of another, and make it about me. I feel that doing so is erroneous, and would reveal a selfish narcissism in me, the self proclaimed insensitive judge who felt the right to do so. How dare someone not give me the acknowledgment I deserve!… I don’t want to feel that ugly any more.

As hard as it is (and it’s getting easier), I find it better for all, me, and the situation, if I do my best to cut the fellow a break. Trying to understand that they probably have their good moments when not suffering the particular pressure they may be enduring at the given moment. It’s an opportunity to exercise my empathy. I want to become an empath. I am an empath. I am empathic.

My very favorite life coach among many is Melanie Tonia Evans. She said something that stuck with me and guides me more than any other philosophy that I’ve ever encountered. She said, “Only hurting people hurt people”. I try my best to remember that. Not always easy. But I’m getting better at it. Melanie has many stories on her YouTube channel that reflect a wonderful disposition to these types of situations.

Dr. Stephen Porges puts forth The Polyvagal Theory to explain how any one of us can let our reptilian brain overtake our senses if we’re not careful. Making us more likely to take offense at something before considering the empathic response that our mammalian has awarded our evolution. Basically, jumping to judge someone without considering their own situation may be revealing a problem within ourselves just as much as a problem with someone else. I’d rather be selfish in this situation and concern my attention more upon my own reactions, and use it as an opportunity for self improvement.

Perhaps the grocery store example above might have been addressed in another way. I can’t say that I would actually do this because I wasn’t in the exact situation. But if I ever am, I’ll do my best to suggest the woman stay in line, and let me go get the item for her. Don’t know if I would or not, or if would even be possible. But I’ll be on the lookout for those opportunities to create myself into the man that I envision becoming.

imrainmaker's avatar

^^wow..you live at a very interesting place..)

Coloma's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies You assume though, that a lot of people are not kind, helpful or conscientious. I am very much so, I hold doors for others, offer to help the elderly if they can’t reach something or bend too low, I often, offer others to go ahead of me if they have less items than I and….I spread good humor and good cheer wherever I go. I constantly have people laughing, perfect strangers and am told , on a regular basis, that I have made someones day.
However, that said, some people are just self centered weenies regardless of how nice others present.

Psychology and the self help realm only goes so far and sometimes a weenie deserves to be roasted, lol
It’s no big secret that hurting and angry types are going to project their issues onto others and while it is good to remind ourselves we know not what goes on with others that still doesn’t negate allowing bad behavior to go unconfronted. If I see someone beating their child I don;t care how much THEY are hurting, I’m going to intervene on behalf of the child, dog, women that is being assaulted. There is no excuse for abuse.

As far as the grocery store story, well, whether I or someone else went to get the item, the end result would have been the same. Someone would have still been left holding the basket so to speak. haha If it took like 7 minutes to find the item and return, well..the women would have been done checking out and would not have had her item, then someone would have moved me aside. Hey, ya can’t win ‘em all.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

No doubt @Coloma you are the spreader of good cheer. You’ve lifted my spirit many times over the years.

No excuse for abuse, agreed. But there are reasons beyond the immediate moment that we cannot always we aware of. Melanie tells a story of a very rude department store worker that insulted her. Melanie was patient and understanding, and with a tender smile asked if the worker was ok… “Would you like to get a cup of tea and tell me what’s going on?”. The worker broke down and started crying. I wish I had that time and patience for people. I hope to one day.

What makes you think that I feel a lot of people are not kind, helpful or conscientious? Some are, some are not. I think all want to be, and could be, if given a break once in a while.

Last night, here in St. Louis, a man stopped to help two men having car battery troubles. After getting their car jumped, they shot him dead and fled the scene. They didn’t rob him. They just shot and killed him. And though I’m sorry for the death, and think the killers should be punished to the fullest extent of the law, I’m also wondering what happened in their upbringing, or life experiences, that could lead them to the point of being so cruel. And I have to ask myself if I lived their life, if I would be the same as them.

Coloma's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I get it, I truly do, and when I was on a major self help, spiritual/psychological growth spurt years ago now I probably practiced some of this thinking more. I too have a lot of empathy for others, and remember really practicing your sharings with other drivers, reminding myself I have no idea what’s going on in the car ahead of me. I was a fan of Eckhart Tolle for years and he talks about the pain body we all have, to one degree or another and reminds us that if we were that person, had the same level of awareness they do and their backgrounds/programming, we would be exactly the same. Still, walk softly and carry a big stick is also good advice.

Aethelwine's avatar

Where I live it would be a jerk move to move chairs that were placed for an event.

That’s how small towns in the Midwest roll.

jca's avatar

That’s how they roll in the Bronx, too, @jonsblond. Actually in the Bronx it might get you shot. Personally, I wouldn’t do it.

MrGrimm888's avatar

All these long winded answers are great. But simply put. People suck. Well , like 99% do…

Where I come from, we have a saying. ‘It is what it is.’

Welcome to fluther. Peace n love.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

A question for you @MrGrimm888.

Someone who claims that “like 99%” of people “suck”... Is the person who makes that claim in the 99% or the 1%?

MrGrimm888's avatar

RERRL, you be the judge. I dont care….

Aethelwine's avatar

@jca. What would get you shot? Other people mentioned that chairs left unattended usually aren’t honored. I understand we are speaking about NY here, but I wanted to let others know that how it works there is not how it works everywhere. Chairs left unattended in my neck of the woods are left alone. We aren’t the jerks. The person who moves the chair is.

jca's avatar

@jonsblond: I agree. I don’t touch other people’s stuff and I would hope nobody would touch mine.

I’m saying in the Bronx, if someone puts something down and you move it, you’re looking for big trouble. However, if it were me, I wouldn’t leave anything out in the open in the Bronx and expect it to be there when I return.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Ignorance is when you’re at the Fairgrounds with a million other people. People parked in fairly neat rows in the grass. There was about 50 feet between each line of cars. There were kids everywhere, running and tumbling in the grass, bordered by the parked cars. Every so often a car would come thorough, looking for a parking space. Many of them never even slowed down, or took any precautions, when they saw all the kids. Guess they figured it was the parent’s problem. Good parents don’t let their children run wild in the grass, you see. Good parents tie their kids down.
Wanted to stick an M80 in their tail pipe.

StrongH3art's avatar

@janbb Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it

@CWOTUS Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. Really like your answer and you made a lot of good points. One thing a forgot to mention is the area where we were located was clean compared to other parts. Mainly because we came early to clean it. When people began coming the park was empty and they could of went anywhere but instead decided to come to where we were.

@jca Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. That is true, but sometimes is not what people do is how they do it. If they would have asked us to give them a bit of space we would have gladly done so. But for them to move our stuff without asking was really disrespectful. Plus the park was empty and there were so many good spots. They just didn’t want to walk and secure those areas.

@Cruiser Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. You made good points. I just did not like how they put their things right in the middle of our area as well as move and take our belongings without asking. Many people came early as we did to secure other spots for themselves as well. People here just feel they can do whatever they want.

@NerdyKeith Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. That is very true, well said.

@ucme Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. Your response gave me a good laugh.

@canidmajor @jca @Dutchess_III @jonsblond Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. We came early, cleaned up and placed chairs, tables, coolers, drinks, etc… at the area where we were located. When ever someone went to get something from the house (My Aunts house was 2 blocks away), we made sure there were 3–4 people present so others would know we were there. Some of our chairs were on the ground and we had not set them up yet. When we asked them why they took the chairs, they said they knew it was ours but thought we would not need them. They had similar chairs to ours but theirs were a darker shade of brown. I guess they thought we would not notice. However we marked all our chairs on the back. We did approach them about the matter in which they gave our chairs back. We made sure we said it in a calm matter.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. I am from a third world country in Africa. I was born and lived there before I came here. So I have experienced what true poverty is. That is why I am grateful for what I have. I know it is not as big of an issue as other people face. I just wish people would have more respect towards others. You made a lot of good points in your responses. Thank you.

@Coloma @Dutchess_III @cazzie Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. Thank you for sharing that with me. You were right in that situation. It reminds me of people who leave their laundry in the machines for long periods of time, then get angry when others remove it.
Dutchess_III you are absolutely right. In these types of situations you just have to keep your cool. Here in NYC, people cross the street without looking at all. Many times we have to stop suddenly because someone runs or walks across the street without looking. Especially people who are on their phones. cazzie, That is true, NYC is really crowded. However in this situation there was so much space available. They just did not want to walk far to secure their own spot. Your right in that you have to stay calm. That is what I was telling everyone that was with us. Especially because that neighborhood is known for violent behavior. We made sure we left before it got dark. That is usually when people start drinking and going crazy.

@rojo Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. All I have to say is well said. Everything you said was true. I always tell people play clean with me and Ill play clean with you. Sometimes I feel many strikers and midfielders have a certain ego about them. Many of whom play against defenders that just let them go by them and allow them to do these fancy tricks. They have never been pressured or pushed before. So when they meet a defender that won’t take their crap, they get angry. Especially when they underestimated them.

@Darth_Algar Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it.

@Hypocrisy_Central Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. I whole heartily agree with your response. Could not have said it better myself.

@MrGrimm888 Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. Thanks for the warm welcome as well. Thank you all for the warm welcome and taking to answer my question.

@jca @jonsblond Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. What jca said is correct. People here in the Bronx have a different mentality. They will fight, hurt, or shoot someone over small things. Since the Summer began, there is always a shooting, assault, stabbing or robbery almost everyday. Some which go unreported. That is why we made sure we spoke to them with calmness and respect.

StrongH3art's avatar

Sorry for being late in responding. I appreciate everyone taking their time to answer my question and for the warm welcome. Thank you.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

You are very welcome @StrongH3art. Nice of you to reply so thoroughly. Not many do.

Welcome to the fluth.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

People get their news from The Daily Show and Facebook.

rojo's avatar

The Daily Show is much more accurate in the way they portray and analyze the news than Fox News. And, of the two entertainment shows, it is way more entertaining and the only one that admits its content is actually only entertainment. BTW I supplement my news gathering with BBC, Reuters, PBS, AP news and occasionally Fox (just for the entertainment factor and to see how far you can actually stretch facts to suit your agenda).
I use facebook for amusing memes and jokes, not news. Although, I will say I have found leads to some interesting content on fb.

Aethelwine's avatar

I follow my favorite news sources on facebook, so I guess you could say I do get my news from facebook. It’s easier to look at their breaking news on my feed instead of going to each site to see what’s up.

StrongH3art's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Thank you, it’s the least I can do. :)

SecondHandStoke's avatar

@rojo

The Daily Show?

Analyze?

Really??

rojo's avatar

The Daily Show is much more accurate in the way they portray and analyze the news than Fox News read the whole sentence.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

^ I did read the whole sentence.

Even “legitimate” mainstream news outlets leave so much to be desired in the analysis department it’s laughable, and you suggest the Daily Show performs this function well?

Yes, I understand this might have been an attempt at a humorous qualification of Fox News’ ability based on your opinion.

It didn’t come off as such.

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