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VirgoGirl826's avatar

Why was he such a jerk to me? How to move on?

Asked by VirgoGirl826 (469points) July 9th, 2016

So a while back there was this guy who I’m pretty sure liked me because he used to say he “loved me” all the time, would get in my personal space, etc. Eventually I started to like him too, so I decided to be brave and I told him. He said thank you, but there was “a girl who screwed me over last year and I’m not over her yet”. I’d been turned down before, and the last guy started distancing himself from me. So I asked him if things would be awkward between us now and he said it wouldn’t be. But in the following weeks I noticed he stopped sitting with me and our other mutual friends at lunch and in class and stuff like that.
I asked him about it one day, but he insisted that I was the one making it awkward. He kept acting that way, but stopped when we and some other students had to work on this huge project together. So for months (from October to March) he acted like everything was fine. But literally the day after the project was over he went right back to ignoring/avoiding me harder than ever, walking out of a room every time I’d enter it, giving me short, one word answers when I asked him a question, stuff like that.
So finally I asked him about it again and he cut me off and didn’t even let me finish speaking; he blew up at me in front of his friends and said “Can I say something? I’m not trying to be mean, but you’re not in my world!” I was so hurt I just walked away, but as I was walking off he yelled after me about being “so tired of drama”.
I’m really hurt by this because I honestly don’t know what I did. It’s not like I was yelling at him or getting in his face, I just wanted to know what was up. I feel like a total dumb ass for believing things were fine between us when they weren’t and I feel like I was made a fool of.

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7 Answers

johnpowell's avatar

Dudes can be jerks. Ladies can be the same so it goes both ways.

How to move on?

Move the fuck on. Why bother with the asshole? Find a dude that isn’t a horrible person and will treat you right. They are out there. I can get trying to fix it if you had a kid together or something but you don’t even know what his mouth tastes like.

zenvelo's avatar

It is nothing you did!

I say that, because it is a natural reaction, especially when young, to blame oneself. But he is an asshole jerk fuckwit, which is why he was a jerk to you. Ten or fifteen years from now, after a succession of failed relationships, he might realize he is the common thread and has to change.

How to move on? With a sigh of relief and gratitude to the cosmos that you dodged a bullet by not getting fully involved with him. You are a brave wonderful person, don’t let some self absorbed prick tell you differently.

Seek's avatar

I wouldn’t immediately call the guy an asshole or a fuckwit.

I am intimately familiar with the behaviour of teenage girls, as I used to be one. We’re drilled with notions of high-fantasy and romance from the cradle, and while Sleeping Beauty found Love at First Sight with Prince Phillip on her 16th birthday, unfortunately real-world high school doesn’t quite work like that.

It’s a hard pill to swallow.

And some girls, after finding their Disney Prince to Be, and being rejected by him, have the OMG hardest time letting go. Why? Because it’s not in the story.

At no part in any of the stories that we grew up thinking our first love was going to be like, does the princess get rejected because he’s just not into you.

So they obsess, and wonder what they did wrong, and play “mirror mirror on the wall” and contemplate witches’ brews, and all sorts of things, trying to “subtly” convince this dude to love her back, dammit from a distance.

Only it’s not subtle, because teenaged girls don’t do subtle well. They get their version of “subtle” from romantic comedies and teen dramas, and it’s so bloody obvious.

To the OP: Honey, you’re annoying the fuck out of this dude. He said he’s not into you. It’s time to leave him alone, swoon over your Tom Hiddleston posters you have glued to your ceiling, listen to some Jewel or Melissa Etheridge or whatever, and move on.

Have a cry, play with some tarot cards, ask a Ouija board who the next dude is, whatever. Maybe have your first lesbian fling. It’s a good time for it. And next time, when someone tries to let you down gently, accept the no.

VirgoGirl826's avatar

@Seek I don’t have a problem with accepting no, I just don’t appreciate being told things are fine one minute and then the next it’s obvious they’re not. I’d rather someone just be upfront with me and say they don’t want to be friends anymore or whatever, than tell me stuff won’t be awkward, but then turn around and act the complete opposite

Seek's avatar

That’s the “letting down gently” part.

Things not being awkward immediately after one person makes their feelings known and the other makes it known they are not reciprocated demands that they spend some time apart.

What is awkward is going up to a person and demanding to know why things are awkward. It’s self-fulfilling prophecy.

And frankly, you’re not owed an explanation as to why he’s being distant. You’re sorta-friends. You’re in school together so he can’t be out of your eyeshot all the time. He’s entitled to have feelings and to choose whether or not he wants to hang out with you. He’s certainly entitled to not want you demanding conversations about his actions toward you in front of all of his friends.

If this were a dude who asked you out, and you didn’t like him, and then he followed you around school asking you why you won’t hang out with him, you’d call him a creepy stalker.

johnpowell's avatar

I’m a dude that is 40 years old. I just want to be left alone. And I have always wanted to be left alone. I try to use as few words as possible to get you to go away. I know it it sucks but welcome to the males brain.

Edit :: See above for the difference between the male and female brain.

VirgoGirl826's avatar

@Seek didn’t “follow him around school” but okay

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