General Question

VirgoGirl826's avatar

Am I a bad/insensitive for not feeling sorry for her?

Asked by VirgoGirl826 (469points) July 9th, 2016

My college roommate/friend has had 3 pregnancy scares in 4 months. During each one I listened to her concerns and all that, but I didn’t really feel anything.
She and her boyfriend use condoms, but apparently he takes them off during because, in her words, “it just feels so much better without it!”.
She just has this, in her very own words, “living in a pink bubble” mentality that I’m pretty much over at this point. At 24 yrs. old she should know the consequences of having unprotected sex so I find it crazy for her to be the living room crying at the prospect of being pregnant… it’s an emotional time, of course. I just can’t bring myself to feel bad :/

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16 Answers

BellaB's avatar

How can someone that stupid be in college/university be that stupid?


Why isn’t she using birth control to supplement the condoms? why isn’t she insisting on condom use?

Personally, I had no patience for people like that when I was in university. I told them once what I thought and then told them not to talk to me about it again. Either take my advice or don’t ask for it. I was tougher then than I was a few years later. Then I turned 40 and got mean (and happy).

VirgoGirl826's avatar

@BellaB When she told me about him taking the condoms off, I said, “you know that “pull out” method doesn’t really work, right? Why don’t you tell him to keep it on?” Yet apparently it keeps happening “because it just feels so much better without it”

dappled_leaves's avatar

Well, it’s not your responsibility to make excuses for her, but she plainly knows the risks and does it anyway. She needs to choose one course of action: get on the pill, have a child, break up with her loser boyfriend, or coerce him into always using condoms.

One of those things will have to happen. It’s entirely her choice which one.

The option she has the least control over is the last one. So it makes no sense for her to depend on that, especially since she’s already shown that she can’t do it.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Educate her. Leave pamphlets about birth control out – for pills, the shot, implants, etc. Leave pamphlets out about the morning after pill. You could even just print stuff out if you have a computer. Education goes a long way. You’ll be letting her know you’re slightly annoyed by listening to her when it could be easily avoided, while also possibly helping someone out and making the world a better place.

Even if it doesn’t work, you can feel good that you tried. You are, of course, under no obligation to do anything like it, but it’s just an idea.

Seek's avatar

You should gently remind her that an implant like Mirena and Paragard is most likely covered by her insurance, and lasts for up to 10 years (Paragard), and is the most reliable birth control method on the market.

Plan B is not Plan A.

marinelife's avatar

No, you are not wrong. She needs to take care of herself. Get her own birth control.

lynfromnm's avatar

Insensitive? Not at all. Perhaps next time you could suggest that she must in fact want to become pregnant, since her actions lead only to that result.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

when friends do stupid shit and you tell them to stop doing stupid shit yet they continue to do stupid shit you should have no sympathy when consequences of said stupid shit becomes reality.

Seek's avatar

Also it bears mentioning that if they are taking off condoms and continuing intercourse, they’re not only not using condoms, they’re spending money to not use condoms.

I wonder how certain she is that he’s only having sex with her. I hear syphilis is not particularly fun, nor is getting cervical cancer from HPV. That is of course assuming she hasn’t bothered to be vaccinated.

imrainmaker's avatar

If you are sure to have exhausted all options to convince her from doing stupid things and still she’s repeating them then it’s not your problem. It is her problem for being that dumb.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

No, if you don’t want to do the time do not do the crime.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Well. I’ve known some girls in my life that don’t take the risk of pregnancy seriously. One has 4 kids from 4 men. She doesn’t even claim or see the 1st kid, because, in part, because he is half black. She also has had like 6 miscarriages, and 4 abortions (that we know of.) I can’t think of a worse person. Someone who doesn’t care about how many kids she is a bad mother to , or how many she has flushed, or terminated is not a good person. But, I see it all the time. I guess it’s easy for me to be judgemental because I’m a male. But that reckless, careless behavior is inexcusable to me.
I also noticed some think the boyfriend is an asshole. Maybe. But it’s the females responsibility to monitor what spews it’s DNA in her. Not some equally naive young man. I’m not saying he shouldn’t care for a child that is his, if he has one someday. But women need to be more responsibile in these situations. It’s easy to blame a man, drunk on testosterone, and maybe alcohol. But if a guard lets a terrorist through a check point, for instance, he/she is the one most will blame if that person commits an atrocity. If I were a woman, and I knew that an animal might tear itself out of me after doing something, and then I’d be stuck with it, and my life would permanently be different, I’d probably be more careful about which man ejaculated in me… It’s not fair. But the reality is, sometimes a woman might have a one night stand and ,due to circumstances, never even see him again. I had unprotected sex with a woman on a cruise ship once. The next day, she went to Virginia? I think, and I back to South Carolina. I didn’t know her name until she gave me her number the morning after. Say what you will. But I was 19 and she was 25. I have no idea whatever happened to her. I guess I could have an 17 year old son impregnating an older woman on a cruise ship….
I was young and stupid. Guess that’s my excuse. She mentioned a condom.After about 1 minute, she decided it wasn’t important. At the time I was so backed up from 6 days of no masterbation, I was pretty much insane in a court of law… If she had condoms, I would have used them. But I didn’t think I would hook up with anyone, so I didn’t have them. She invited me to her cabin on the last night, to help her and her sister drink the alcohol they bought that couldn’t be taken back into America. I’m sure she had every intention of trying to seduce a 19 year old (not old enough to drink.) Birth control or STD prevention wasn’t a priority I guess.
To this day, I recommend women be the one responsiblefor that. A woman should have her own condoms. That way she knows if they are expired, and the sex blinded man can’t screw it up….

elbanditoroso's avatar

She (the friend) is an idiot. And so is her boyfriend.

You were legitimately concerned the first time. Good for you.

The second, third, fourth…. she is repeating her stupid behavior. You are not under any obligation to support her doing stupid things repeatedly that she knows are stupid.

Will she expect you to babysit?

Sunshinegirl11's avatar

The first time I might have felt a little bad. Because everyone makes mistakes and that’s a scary thought for someone in college! But anytime after that I would start to get annoyed.

She knows what she is doing can get her pregnant. She keeps making the same mistake multiple times! I would find it hard to feel bad for her too…

CWOTUS's avatar

Had you failed to display any concern the first time, then you could have been – perhaps rightly – accused of being cold and unfeeling. But that’s not what happened, right?

So at this point, after her continued lunatic behavior and reaction, you’re simply smart to not be drawn into her self-created drama. One hopes that you can find a new roommate soon, hopefully one with a bit more sense.

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