Social Question

Eggie's avatar

Are you a loser if you live with your parents?

Asked by Eggie (5865points) July 13th, 2016

I am currently 31 years old and I live with my parents. I am supposed to move into a downstairs whilst my parents live upstairs. I have not moved into downstairs yet because the upstairs needs to finish. Am I a “scrub” or a loser?

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36 Answers

janbb's avatar

Looser than what?

Eggie's avatar

Just edited my question….sorry.

johnpowell's avatar

38 and live in my mom’s backyard. I save so much cash and she nags me about not bring the ladies home.

And she is getting older and I like to be around to help with things like yard-work and taking out the trash to the curb which are becoming physically difficult for her.

No shame in my game.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

No… times are tough. I lived at home until I was 35. I’ve been on my own for 4 years now.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, that would totally depend on the reasons why you are living with them. Are you paying rent and contributing fairly to the household bills?

stanleybmanly's avatar

That’s thinking from “the good ol days.” Be grateful you still have your parents, and live with them for as long as you can get away with it. I wish mine were around for me to pamper as they deserved.

janbb's avatar

@johnpowell want to move into my backyard?

elbanditoroso's avatar

Two different issues here.

1. Are you a loser?
2. Are you perceived by others (women, say) as a loser?

The answers are likely different.

Some (not all) women will find it odd and not normal for a 30+ year old guy to be living with parents. There’s somewhat of a stereotype of mama’s boys, can’t leave the nest…that a guy can’t survive on his own. The movies have made billions on the mama’s boy plot line.

If living by yourself is perceived by others as a testament to maturity, independence, and reliability, then living at home doesn’t help those perceptions.

But again, there’s a big difference between reality and perception. You may have the soundest reasons, and the strongest personality – you may be the opposite of the stereotype in reality.

But outsiders may, possibly, perceive the opposite.

canidmajor's avatar

Nope. Context is everything.

Coloma's avatar

There are people in their 50’s and 60’s living with their elderly parents after being wiped out in the recession. As long as you are contributing to the household, helping, paying most of your way there is no shame. The rules of the game have changed.

johnpowell's avatar

@janbb :: How good are you at making burritos?

janbb's avatar

@johnpowell Good cook and fast learner! And a fridge stocked with PBR.

johnpowell's avatar

@janbb :: Mother can mow her own lawn. You had me at PBR :-)

PriceisRightx26's avatar

As @canidmajor said, context is everything. One of my close friends is around your age and living with parents. Friend moved back in with mom after an engagement ended and in the midst of (self-paid) college. Friend finished degree recently and is now employed as a lead researcher for one of the top hospitals in the world. Staying with mom until some debt is paid off and has the money to afford a permanent home, instead of throwing money out the window over a rental. Definitely not a loser in my eyes.

There are a million different reasons that may cause someone to live with family still. I don’t see much of a difference between living with family and living with a friend or roommate. As long as you are capable, you should be helping out in any living arrangement—not just if you’re with your parents. If my career allowed me to move back to my hometown, I would live with my grandmother in a heartbeat. Not just because she would do my laundry ;) (because she does something magical with laundry that I just cannot master), but because I’d be able to help her with so much more, unlike my POS uncle who has done nothing but help drive the condition of that house straight into the ground. And it’s never crossed my mind that I might feel like a “loser,” because I know that it’s logical. If you’re happy and welcome at home, why make such a huge financial commitment and weaken the workforce of the family if it’s not necessary?

BUT, if you’re looking specifically from a romantic standpoint, most people don’t look forward to banging someone in the same house as their parents.

JLeslie's avatar

Depends why you are there. It certainly doesn’t make you an automatic loser.

Dutchess_III's avatar

WHY DO YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS????? We can’t answer your question out of context, dude.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

America could use a little more family support and closeness. Circumstance and context needed though.

Buttonstc's avatar

A few years ago 60 Minutes did a report on how common this is in Italy. Tons of Italian guys still live at home, help out their parents and enjoy Mama’s cooking.

As long as it’s working between you and your parents, that’s what matters the most.

If someone regards you as being a loser simply for that, then your friend list just got shorter.

Do what works best for you and your family. Who cares what anybody else thinks. Just be yourself and ignore the rest.

Coloma's avatar

I’m currently living in a 10 acre horse property that has a large, very nice main house with pool that the elderly ( 87 & 88 ) yr. old parents live in, with a darling, 2 story Dutch barn house that the 62 yr. old daughter and her husband live in. ( He works out of town and only comes home every other week. ) There is also is an adorable Tiny House that a young ( age 26 ) woman lives in that boards her horses here and recently was hired as a park ranger at one of our local State Parks, and…there is a cute, attached large studio apartment attached to the main house, a pool house apartment if you will that I may be moving into when the nephew and his wife, who just got her RN license and are looking to buy a home, move out.
I am living in a nicely refurbished 30 ft. RV at this time and working as a pet and house sitter for the frequent travel everyone engages in here.

It is quite the little communal scene and we all get along great.
There is a huge garden and 22 hens and I get garden fresh produce brought to my door by grandpa in his golf cat several times a week.
3 family members, plus me and the young girl on one property.

I think this is the wave of the future, and wanted to do the same before I was wiped out in the recession. I wanted to buy a property with guest quarters and maybe have my daughter and her boyfriend live on the property at some point.

Buttonstc's avatar

BTW: Living with parents is basically just another variant of what’s known as “Intentional Communities”

There were tons of places like this set up by the hippies in the 60s and 70s. Some didn’t work out but many of them did. And the movement continues all over the US to this day with all different kinds of permutations..

Just Google “Intentional Communities” and you’ll see what I mean.

Does anybody else remember Wavy Gravy and the Hog Farm of Woodstock fame?

.
Here’s a refresher course :)
.
.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wavy_Gravy

ucme's avatar

Not necessarily, but if you hear them having sex then you run the risk of being scarred for life

SmartAZ's avatar

In my case I was called “care giver”, although my mother didn’t need any care. She only needed someone to read things and drive her around when she wanted to go to the casino or someplace.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

It’s increasingly common for children, even those in their 30s, to live with their parents. In many places, house prices are so high, the only way people can save up is to live with their parents. To of my grown-up children are living with us. As long as they’re saving for a deposit/investments, I’m fine with this. We’re lucky that we have plenty of space and separate domains for us and them.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

You simply say “My parents live with me.”

My wife is a Sicilian that lived in Rome. Italian men living at home until marriage and beyond is common.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@SecondHandStoke If it’s his parent’s house, and he moved in there, then it would be misleading to say “My parents live with me.” If he’s not a loser, why would he lie about it, even if it’s a white lie?

SecondHandStoke's avatar

@Dutchess_III

Good point.

Considering my comments are serious 100% of the time.

trolltoll's avatar

Lots of different things can make a person a loser.

Cheating on their partner. Holding petty grudges. Refusing to apologize even when they know they’ve done wrong. Constantly borrowing money from friends and then spending it recklessly. Failing to be a role-model for their children. Putting down their friends to impress other people. Stealing. Refusing to take ownership of their actions. Refusing to acknowledge their own faults, but being quick to point out faults in others. Being an unreliable friend. Intruding in other people’s private lives. Sharing secrets told to them in confidence with other people. Spreading malicious rumors in the workplace. Taking advantage of other’s generosity and kindness. Treating their parents like a doormat. Being rude to people in customer service. Littering. Generally, just not giving a shit about anyone except themselves.

Behaviors like these demonstrate a deficit of character and show a person to be a loser.

Living with one’s parents in no way demonstrates a deficit of character or makes one a loser.

LBM's avatar

just came on to see why he was living with his parents, guess we still don’t know

jca's avatar

I would say if you’re physically and mentally able to work but you don’t, and you lay around and do nothing all day and live with your parents then you are a loser.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Do they want you there?

Aethelwine's avatar

No, but please give your parents their space and quiet time they deserve in the evening. And help pay for groceries.

living the nightmare I love my adult sons.

AshlynM's avatar

If you don’t work at all and don’t contribute to the household then yes, perhaps a loser. But if you have a steady job, I see nothing wrong with a grown adult still living with their parents.

Kardamom's avatar

@Coloma I love the idea of a friends and family compound.

Dutchess_III's avatar

..Depends on the friends and family! @seek wouldn’t love that idea!

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