Social Question

StrongH3art's avatar

Has anyone else hit rock bottom in life?

Asked by StrongH3art (229points) July 31st, 2016

I realized that I have hit rock bottom in my life. I never envisioned this is how my life would be at the age of 27. I am so lost, confused, lonely and angry. It seems like every time I move 5 steps forward, life pushes me back 10.

Work
I try my best to make the most out of life but can’t seem to make any progress. I am living with my parents and working a job that pays $400 a week. After expenses and bills, I am not left with much at the end of the week. By bills I mean phone bills, I pay some house bills and personal expenses as well. I am looking for a better one, however it is very difficult. Especially in such a competitive city as NYC. It’s really stressful since my job is 2 hours away from house. Plus I feel we are way underpaid for the job we do. I work as designer for a small design company. I have my Bachelors degree and thinking about going for my Masters.

Personal Health
I have been fighting depression and anxiety for a long time now. Since I started college to be exact. The stress of college and my personal life were too overwhelming. I use to freelance as a designer and often designed for friends. Lets just say 90% of them took advantage of my kindness and good heart. They never paid me for the hard work I did for them. I have now decided never to design for them again. I have come to realize true friends don’t treat each other like that.

Relationships
My love life is very poor. It is hard for me to find love when everyone thinks I am 17. I am 27, however I look very much like a high school student. I am often mistaken for one all the time. I am very shy when it comes to meeting women. I get looks and stares but never get approached. Plus I am too shy to make the first move. I guess what holds me back is that my status in life is very poor. At 27 I should have my own place and a healthy job. If I was more stable in life, I would have more confidence. There are many girls that like me. However they are way too young. Most are 16–17 years old.

God & Faith
This one is a big one. I was born and raised in a Christian home. I always had a strong faith in God until recently. I often have many questions regarding religion and God. I still believe a God exists. I just wonder why he’s so distant from us. I am often told prayer works and is very useful, but does God hear us? Everyday I am stressed over living and dying. Sometimes life is so difficult that I don’t want to live anymore. However death & the thought of eternity scares me. No one is sure if there is life after death. I wake up everyday just thinking will this day be my last. Sometimes when I am in Church I wonder if people will try to come and cause harm upon us. Since Churches are soft targets for many attacks. The thought that people might try to come in and kill as many people as possible scares me. Maybe I am a bit paranoid due to recent attacks around the world. With all the things going on around the world you never know. I guess these thoughts makes it difficult for me to enjoy life. The thought that one day all of this will be gone and over with is a hard pill to swallow. My greatest fear is dying young without fully living life. By that I mean getting married and having kids. I have had many friends die too young. 2 last died last year. One was 16 the other 27. Life is just so hard to understand.

Anger
I have been struggling with anger all my life. I had a very rough child hood. I was bullied a lot in school for many things. I often laughed it off but deep down it really tore me apart. The things I went through and the names I was called were really hurtful. It has made me a stronger person today. When I look back at my life and look at what I could have become I hate myself so much. They chances that I did not take and the opportunities missed haunts me all the time. So many people tell me how talented I am in football (soccer). I am told all the time that I could have made it to the big time. When I see these young lads having money, fame, and success it makes me jealous. I often think that could of been me.

I know I have to take control of my life, but I have lost the will to fight on. I am so grateful for what I have because there are people who have it 10x worst than me. I should know since I came from a 3rd world country in Africa. I am not looking for pity or for people to feel sorry for me. Just want to see if anyone is in the same boat as me.

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45 Answers

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Below rock bottom. I’d rather not go into it.

chyna's avatar

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time in your life. Yes, at 25 I thought I had hit rock bottom and it took a long time for me to get over it.
Have you ever thought about trying to find a job away from NY? Maybe that isn’t where you should be in your life. Maybe just look in large cities that you think you would be interested in and see what they pay for your job. Maybe a new start is exactly what you need to turn your life around.
Good luck.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

That’s not rock bottom. Watch the show intervention to see what rock bottom is. Being in your 20’s can be hard but it almost always gets better. Few people get to be in a good place in life without feelings like this

Coloma's avatar

Life often does not deliver what we have been programmed to think it should.
Yes, I have hit rock bottom, twice in my life. Once during a terrible and acrimonious divorce years ago and again between 2010–13 through now, when, as a 50 something year old, single female I lost it all in the recession. Jobs, home, plowed through my life saving over a 3 yr. period trying to hang on.

The last few years have been very hard on me, I feel like I have aged about 15 years in 3.5 years. My usual cheery, optimistic, fun loving self is not the same, I have some very dark days and can feel sorry for myself which is not my usual make up.
I am in a stable living situation again but spent the last 3 years living with housemates and was, at one point, on the verge of homelessness. Not an easy thing to cope with as a strong, independent and bright women.

I was brought up to believe that I would enjoy a nice retirement if I worked hard and did my best, and that is not the case, at all. The American Dream has failed many of us.
I am coping with watching my aging process, worried about my health, how I will keep surviving and what will become of me if I become ill or unable to work much. It is not a happy time but, you must just find your pleasure in the moment and trust that things will work out, one way or another.

I do have things to be grateful for and so do you, you just have to find them and try to keep the gratitude in the forefront of your thoughts, not the negatives.
You have a huge advantage being only 27, not 57….you still have a solid 30 years to find love, save money, and find ways to improve your situation. I agree with @chyna a fresh start somewhere might be just what you need and because you are not in a relationship, or married or have kids yet, it is something that is made much easier.
Maybe start researching new places you’d like to live and then look for employment opportunities there.

You have not really reached rock bottom, you are just frustrated, bored, confused and need to shake things up it seems to me.
True rock bottom is losing everything.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

@ ARE you kidding me it may not be rock bottom in the true sense of the word, but not being able to handle life’s load seems like rock bottom to a young person who is lost, confused and hard done by.

johnpowell's avatar

Everything has been great for me. Except that whole mom killing dad and being homeless thing. Carry on.

Pachy's avatar

A close friend, a therapist, told me recently about one of her patients—no name or any personal details, of course, just broad-stroke info. As a child sexually abused, lost her mother early to cancer; father died, was shunted through several foster homes, managed to make what she thought was a good marriage and then discovered her husband dead in the basement of their home, either a suicide or an awful accident, the police never were sure; later raped by her dead husband’s brother; summarily fired from a job after 20 years; became homeless but was taken in by a relative only to be turned out after less than a year; became homeless again and turned to drugs and alcohol; attempted suicide—and that’s only part of the story.

How’s THAT for rock bottom?

Now in her 50s, she been in therapy many years and every day is a struggle. But she’s clean and sober, has a job she likes and and an aprtment, and is seeing a man who treats her well.

How’s THAT for hope?

SABOTEUR's avatar

Yeah I been there…if being in a padded room means hitting rock bottom. Or perhaps catching the wife cheating was it. No…no…it was definitely coming home to find the house cleaned out.

(Well…not entirely cleaned out. She did leave a plate, a glass, knife fork and spoon.)

The funny thing, though, is hitting rock bottom is often a blessing in disguise. You can’t get any lower than bottom, so there’s nowhere to go but UP.

Fast forward 30 years and things couldn’t be better. I realize it was necessary to experience what I experienced to show me my way wasn’t working.

(“If I know as much as I think I know, how the hell did I wind up here?”)

Perhaps you might see your experience as a “wake up” call. Try a new direction.

What have you got to lose?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Nah… I’m always cloud nine. Even when I’m in the hole.

Sorry for your troubles.

I hope you attain enlightenment from them. The kind that can only be attained with troubles.

My troubles always turn into the grandest of gifts. Couldn’t live without them.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Honestly…if you just make the leap and move out so you really have to fight to support yourself I think you’ll find strength in that. For several years I supported myself and 4 kids on $8,000 to $13,000 a year. I didn’t have section 8 housing. The only government support I got was a boatload of food stamps and health insurance for the kids. I received 0 financial help from anyone. I had no where else to go, no one to fall back on. It was very hard, but I never felt like I hit rock bottom. I was able to keep my humor and self confidence, even there were those around me (the ones who were supposed to care about me the most) who tried to drag me down.
I fought my way out. Fought hard, and I made it, but the experience made me a better person, stronger.

Pachy's avatar

I’ve had some low points in my life due to medical or financial reasons—sometimes both at the same time—but thanks to friends, family, will, and perhaps what might be called “Luck o’ the Jewish,” I’ve survived, learned an benefitted.

I wish you well,@StrongH3art. Live your avatar v

Coloma's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Enlightenment can come from hard ship, I have had that experience, but, it is far too simplistic, if not downright insulting and minimizing to claim that every hardship has a silver lining of enlightenment. Simply not true. Tell that to a homeless person or a mother who just watched her child blown to bits in a war zone or the family of a murder victim.

Hardship may deepen our compassion for self and others but it is not always some path to enlightened gurudom.

Sure, after my bad divorce I was “born again”, felt freer, lighter, shook off a lot of ego, had all sorts of enlightening moments, experienced a deep and profound inner peace and relished rediscovering and reclaiming my true self but… this second go round of losing it all in my later middle age, no such thing.
While I have discovered I am a real trooper, am resilient, creative, resourceful, I am certainly not going to say that I would prefer this experience or that it has had any positive impact. It just sucks and while I am making the best of things there is no silver lining to losing ones independence financially or otherwise. Some life experiences produce growth and transformation, others just fucking suck, period.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Oh yeah. Been there. Soon as I get something going good , something else bad happens.

One thing about rock bottom is ,it never treats you like it should.

As you state though ,things could be worse @StrongH3art.

NYC is a huge place. Not a lot of opportunity at ground level. I think others in this thread mention moving. Might be a great idea. Maybe a much smaller city, where the cost of living is much lower /realistic.

You mentioned a passion for soccer. Maybe you could coach it somewhere. Soccer is easily one of the fastest growing sports in America. If you love what you do, you don’t work a day in your life.

As far as the ladies go. You have to practice. Just like soccer. You need to start getting into conversations with them. The more the better. You seem quite intelligent. I’m sure you would get the hang of it. If you aren’t comfortable talking with them, they’ll pick up on that. Women like confidence. (Like someone with a ‘strong heart.) I would think you would be interesting, as you come from Africa.
Once your confidence grows, your conversations will become more productive. Eventually you should have some luck .

As far as being angry all the time. Probably from all your frustration. Your life sounds like it’s spinning out of control, and that’s no fun, I been there.
You have to divide and conquer.
Start improving one aspect of your life at a time. Eventually, things will take care of themselves.

Mortality. Ah. The greatest single hurdle in my life for sure has been coming to grips with it.
I just try and understand that I have little control over it.
Life is indeed a journey. Not a destination. You will constantly have things going on in your life that need addressing. You will constantly be tested. But , if you can be smart, resourceful, and keep love in your heart, you can do well.

As far as religion. I’m an atheist, and would rather not comment to you about your religion. Religion ,to me, is a personal journey. I wouldn’t want to sway anyone into my viewpoint. You’re a smart man. You can figure it out on your own. And find ‘your ’ truth.

Bottom line is that almost all the problems you mentioned are pretty normal. Life is a struggle. You have to fight to earn a place here. So when life knocks you down, don’t give it the satisfaction of seeing you defeated. Get up, hold your chin high. I you go down again? Yup, back up again. Life’s trying to kick your ass right now. Fight back.

Find some things that will make you happy. Dream. Then put the clock in motion to get things going your way. You just can’t give up. EVER.

Remember. If you don’t chase your dreams, they just get further away.

Sometimes I used to think the world was against me. But it’s ME against the world now. If it wants my stuff, my happiness, or my life, the world’sgoing to have to take it from me. And it’s not going to be easy.

FTW @StrongH3art. Pick yourself up, and go make this world your bitch. I believe in you.

Keep hope alive.

Peace n love.

Dutchess_III's avatar

“Bottom line is that almost all the problems you mentioned are pretty normal. Life is a struggle. You have to fight to earn a place here. So when life knocks you down, don’t give it the satisfaction of seeing you defeated. Get up, hold your chin high. You go down again? Yup, back up again. Life’s trying to kick your ass right now. Fight back”
I second @MrGrimm888

Coloma's avatar

Yep, hit me with your best shot, fire awaaaay!

Dutchess_III's avatar

That’s right. I’ll be back! Bet your ass I’ll be back.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Most of my life has been rock bottom. I’m recovering from hell. I’m glad that I didn’t make it worse than it was.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Not to make light of how you feel, but often how one sees life is from the perspective they use.

I am living with my parents and working a job that pays $400 a week.
I know some people would give an eye tooth to make that much cake in a week, they are lucky to see that in two weeks.

After expenses and bills, I am not left with much at the end of the week. By bills I mean phone bills, I pay some house bills and personal expenses as well….]
I know NY is expensive but if your phone is juicing you that much, you need to switch to a cheaper carrier, and I do not know how much house expense you are paying but if you are paying ⅓ or less and it is devastating you that way, imagine how much harder on your folks if you were not there to help.

I use to freelance as a designer and often designed for friends
It is not your skills that are in question, just your business practice. I have a friend that does freelance photography and he use to book sitting and shoots only to have people flake or cancel at the very last minute. So, he started taking a $250 nonrefundable deposit, if they cancel or flake for not having a really, really good reason they lose their money, no one has missed since, you just have to make those who want your service to but some ”skin in the game”.

[…everyone thinks I am 17. I am 27, however I look very much like a high school student. I am often mistaken for one all the time.
I would speculate you notice it more than not because it is an issue with you. However, enjoy it while you can, you could be as some, in their mid-twenties and looking tore back like they are near forty, or in their early thirties and balding or near totally Gray. When you no longer look youthful, appreciating it then will be too late.

I guess what holds me back is that my status in life is very poor. At 27 I should have my own place and a healthy job. If I was more stable in life, I would have more confidence.
There are some guys still at home playing video games and not working. In other places $400 a week would be pretty decent, I don’t know what that does in NY, but if it is as expensive as it is, I am sure some may not be at home but they need roommates to make it; look at where you are and figure it being as tough as it is, you are not on the street.

I still believe a God exists. I just wonder why he’s so distant from us.
Really? Put out the BBQ, if this place is any indication, man doesn’t believe there is a God, so surely He could never get close to them, if anything, if this place is any indication, man will go to great lengths to run the other way. God is not distant from us, we often distance ourselves from Him.

I am often told prayer works and is very useful, but does God hear us?
He hears prayer, whether or not He listens depends on the heart of those asking. If you ask amiss, or with wrong motives, it would be like when you ask your parents for something ridiculous, they heard you, but did not take it seriously.

However death & the thought of eternity scares me. No one is sure if there is life after death.
I say if you are scared of death, or unsure where you will be after death, you know of God but you do not know God, if you did death has no hold over you. The day I stop breathing here I see as a plus because I am eternally with God, and away from this ungodly cesspool of iniquity.

Sometimes when I am in Church I wonder if people will try to come and cause harm upon us. Since Churches are soft targets for many attacks. The thought that people might try to come in and kill as many people as possible scares me.
To those who have no relationship with the Lord, would not understand if that happened, but sometimes God allows things to happen like that because He knows those dispatched from this earth will be with him, it is only a serious tragedy to those without a relationship with Him. Work on making sure your election is sure so IF it ever happens, who did it will be ushering you into the throne room.

My greatest fear is dying young without fully living life.
Again, perspective, you can live a full life in Him for five years and live fifty-seven years of shallow existence without Him. What here do you figure overshadows an eternity in the glory of the Lord? That is a question you need to seriously ask yourself.

They chances that I did not take and the opportunities missed haunts me all the time.
That is an issue I believe many fight. I have to often look back at missed opportunities or relationships I could have had but missed. I should be a multimillionaire right now, but I was too timid or prideful to take the opportunity Hine sight is always 20/20, the thing is to figure out where to go from here. What I found is if I take care of His business, He has been faithful to look after my business, it is not perfect yet, but getting closer day by day.

When I see these young lads having money, fame, and success it makes me jealous. I often think that could of been me.
That stems from frustrations over unmet expectations. Be happy for them and figure out how and where you will rebound from the past missed opportunities. I can say the same whenever I see someone zoom by in a fancy Porsche; I concentrate on what I can do with what I have to achieve more income or even wealth. Spilled milk cannot be returned to the bottle.

I am so grateful for what I have because there are people who have it 10x worst than me.
There it is there, if you have hit rock bottom, where are those who are 10, 20, 40x worse than you, under the bottom of rock bottom? Life may not be where you want it, but that doesn’t mean there is absolutely no way up, or to improve. Don’t lose faith, you cannot be trusted if you are not tested. What you have gone through and where you go if you remember He has you, will be a great testimony less you have a tesiphony. I say look at those you say have it worse, then by perspective, you will see you are not at rock bottom, and maybe far from it. Good luck I will keep you uplifted in prayer.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, @Hypocrisy_Central I agree with about 80% of what you said, and appreciate the time it took to formulate the response. Good job.

MrGrimm888's avatar

@Hypocrisy Central… I value your opinion. I think you’re trying to help this young man. That’s great. However, I wish you didn’t pull so hard. It’s possible this young man’s faith is something he’s considering. That’s a very serious thing in a person’s life. I made sure not to attempt to sway him into my atheisim . If your God speaks and acts the way you say. These things you say will be figured out by him. Or not. @StrongH3art seems smart enough ,to me, to have his own interpretations of his faith, and his relationship with his faith.

With all due respect. His views on his faith and his interpretation of his deity’s will ,taking into account his personal experiences as well, should be left to his powers of observation and deduction. If he feels like he’s getting it bad right now, maybe he is. Maybe prayer won’t produce for him , so different tactics are in order.

He was (I thought) looking for empathy. And he has it. He’s not alone. He could find your help in church. But he didn’t ask a person in a church. He asked Fluther.

Again , with all due respect.

Peace n love.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yeah…religion is a slippery slope. Depending on what you believe, you can feel like God is against you….so what can you possibly do about it? Another is to blame God, again leaving one helpless. And angry.
I say do it all on your own, and pray if it helps.

Aethelwine's avatar

Many times. The first was when I was 18 and living in Las Vegas. I begged a pimp for money so I could buy a toothbrush. The only way he would help me was if I agreed to work for him and move into his home. A few days later I was on a flight to SF to stay with my sister and I never looked back.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Yes.

Fucking Long Island beaches…

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@Coloma “Some life experiences produce growth and transformation, others just fucking suck, period.”

Nothing I said contradicts your comments. The options provided are not mutually exclusive. I’ve experienced all of your cited examples… though not by explosives in front of me.

@Coloma “Hardship may deepen our compassion for self and others but it is not always some path to enlightened gurudom.”

I didn’t say it always was. I suggested it could be a path. Not that it necessarily would be.

@Coloma “While I have discovered I am a real trooper, am resilient, creative, resourceful, I am certainly not going to say that I would prefer this experience or that it has had any positive impact.”

Those are wonderful discoveries from hardship. A true gift. Why then claim no positive impact? Would you “prefer” not to have made those discoveries about yourself?

MrGrimm888's avatar

I wont speak for @Coloma, but maybe he means the negative outweighed the positive. That I would completely understand.

Better to be the man you are. But the cost was heavy. The burden of the past can be a difficult cross to bear . Regardless of ‘positive ’ effect.

Coloma's avatar

@MrGrimm888 Yes, that is what ” she” meant. :-)

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I already knew those things about myself, they just hadn’t been tested to the extent and in the same ways they have been now. lol

MrGrimm888's avatar

Sorry @Coloma, I didn’t mean to get your gender wrong.

Coloma's avatar

@MrGrimm888 No worries, just thought I’d point that out.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@MrGrimm888…Yeah, it’s hard to tell she’s a goose from her current avatar.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Yeah. That’s kind of important…Sometimes I am honestly a bit drunk when I fluther.

Coloma's avatar

^^^ Haha.

StrongH3art's avatar

Thank you all for the responses and opening up your hearts, stories and experiences with me. I greatly appreciate you all taking your time to help me out with my issues.

@ZEPHYRA Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. Sorry to hear that. hope things get better for you soon.
@chyna Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. That is something I forgot to mention. One of my friends wants me to move out to Minnesota with him. He said he got a job for me that pays $15 an hour, $22 if I take it full time. Only issue is he lives with his girlfriend. I am willing to go but my parents have a hard time letting me go. Still trying to convince them.
@ARE_you_kidding_me Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. I’ve watched that show and yeah those people have it a lot worst than me. However I feel everyone has their definition of rock bottom and this is mine. I know things get better, I just hope it gets better sooner rather than later.
@Coloma Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. Wow, that was deep. Thank you for sharing your story with me. My situation is sunshine and rainbows compared to what you been through. You are a very strong, intelligent and wonderful women. I really hope things get better for you, and I hope life treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Your story has changed the way I look at things. I am considering moving to Minnesota with a friend who has found a job for me there. I just have to convince my parents to let me take that step. It will be very hard leaving my parents. I really don’t want to fail or disappoint them. A new city would most likely be the right step for me. Most of my friends that have left NYC have found great success. All of them tell me all the time to move out. Thanks again.

@ZEPHYRA Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. That is true, I feel everyone has their own definition of what rock bottom is to them.

@johnpowell Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. Oh my word, really sorry to hear that. Can’t imagine going through that type of situation. Hope life is treating you better.

@Pachy Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. That is a truly sad and inspiring story at the same time. That is a lot for one person to endure. I am really happy to hear she is doing better now. Guess there is always hope even in the toughest times. Thanks for sharing that with me.

@SABOTEUR Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. That was well said. I guess I have to start doing something different and change the course of my life. I really plan on doing this soon. I feel I need to stop focusing so much on others who don’t appreciate me and focus and bettering myself.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. Those words of encouragement help a lot. It’s great to see you always stay positive even through tough times.

@Dutchess_III Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. I have been considering that for sometime now. My friend has offered to move in with him in Minnesota. He said he found a job for me that pays $15–22 an hour. He lives with his girlfriend so not sure. I am a Graphic Designer and we started a business that has been going well. If I move out their we can really push things forward. My parents do not want to let me go thou. It will be very hard to leave them since I help them out a lot.

@Pachy Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. I appreciate the advice. Thankfully I also have great people helping me through my struggle. Glad to hear you are doing well even through tough times. Love your avatar as well.

@Coloma Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. Very deep. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Your a true inspiration

@MrGrimm888 Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. You awoke the beast in me with this one. That was truly inspirational and uplifting. My friend has offered me a good opportunity in Minnesota which I am considering taken. Hopefully that change will put my life back on track. I’ve also been told to get my coaching license. People say I would make a really good coach since I am good with teaching others the sport. I will continue to fight and push on even through life’s hardest challenges.

@RedDeerGuy1 Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. Hope your recovery process goes well, and life treats you better. Best of Wishes.

@Hypocrisy_Central @Dutchess_III @MrGrimm888 Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. Just a few points I want to touch upon. I agree with most of things you mentioned. For my finances, $400 a week in NYC is not much. It is just above minimum wage. With the job we do, we should be making way more. Especially since we are designing for million dollar companies. Their are people who do the same work and make double sometimes triple what we make. When it comes to Faith in God, some peoples Faith is stronger than others. I have so many questions that I have not found answers to which causes me to be weary. You mentioned God allows things like that to happen. I’ve always wondered why he allows innocent people to go through such suffering while bad ones seem to be thriving. It’s just that often we pray so hard and trust so much in God to prevent something bad from happening just for that thing to happen. There is a quote by a rapper where he says “Sometimes I find myself wondering, where Christ is in all this crisis”. I just feel an all loving all powerful God should help his people when they need him most.

@jonsblond Thanks for the response, I appreciate it. I am sorry you had to experience that. It was brave of you leave and never look back. Glad things got better.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Could you clarify for me? You said, ”...we started a business that has been going well.” If you own your own business you set your own prices. Why are you stuck at $400 a week?

StrongH3art's avatar

@Dutchess_III It’s a start up business. My friend has his own T shirt Printer. Clients will come and ask for a design. I would design the graphic, send the design to my friend and he will print it. Unfortunatley we both have been extremely busy and the distance between us makes it difficult since we are just starting out. When I say doing well, I mean we are getting a lot of positive feedback and more people are requesting artwork.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Ah. Yes. Don’t give it up! You know, you have something many people don’t have, especially those who hit rock bottom….focus, motivation, and, especially, control. It may not be a lot of control, but you have control. Just keep your eyes on the finish line. And be glad your parents have your back. (And get a different phone plan!)

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

@StrongH3art I have two old friends that does this very successfully. One makes a living because he has business sense and the other can’t afford a cheeseburger on the dollar menu. Both have done and continue to do artwork/fliers and T-shirts for some big name music artists. One just knows how to market better and is doing extremely well, I guarantee you have seen his work. The other is “doing well” in the sense that he still gets good gigs but he can’t manage money/time and he has little forward thinking focus. He needs to quit because he is not wired to be an entrepreneur. You have got to be honest with yourself when it comes to this. If you have that spirit then keep the business focus and continue working at it. I know this is something that can be made into a good thing with the proper work ethic. Good luck!

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@MrGrimm888 However, I wish you didn’t pull so hard. It’s possible this young man’s faith is something he’s considering.
I am responding to what he did say: ”I always had a strong faith in God until recently.”, ”I still believe a God exists.”. I have to believe he has a practicing faith in God; I am not trying to read into or take away from the statement and interpret it some other way.

If your God speaks and acts the way you say. These things you say will be figured out by him. Or not.
Sometimes people get so wrapped up viewing spiritual things through a worldly filter, they miss it. A reminder never hurts.

Haleth's avatar

@StrongH3art I have to say, you could probably make more money than that waiting tables if you really want to move out. Also, have you ever tried writing a list of your actual expenditures? Like, spend a two-week period writing down every single thing you actually spend. I used to think my budget was too tight, but it turned out a lot of money went to discretionary purchases like books and lattes. You might not notice spending $4 here, $8 there as an amount in your budget. You mention “some household bills” but not rent, so I’m guessing you pay utilities? I’m just not understanding how this eats up $1600 a month.

If you want things to get better, I would look for a support group or therapy, especially with a focus on money issues. Filling in the blanks here, it seems like your issues are twofold: one, not asking for enough compensation for your work, and 2) maybe lackidasical budgeting or overspending.

The good news is, those two issues are completely fixable if you are willing to make some incremental changes. Once you get some accomplishments under your belt, you might start finding some natural confidence. (Although I also really, really suggest therapy for long-term depression.) You can call the national suicide hotline or a mental health hotline in your area and ask them for local resources. In my area they have a 24-hour walk-in clinic who will see you without an appointment and refer you to more permanent pro-bono help. This was in suburban Maryland, so I’m sure they have many more resources in NYC. To find the best resources, sometimes you have to make a couple phone calls or ask assertive questions. If you are very depressed and can’t do this, ask a parent or friend to do it for you.

If you can start earning a little more or spending a little less, try to start saving for your own place or a move. The phone bill was the first thing you mentioned, so I’m guessing that it is the largest one? If your phone bill is eating away at your income to the point that nothing is left of $1600 per month, it is TOO HIGH. I have a dumb clamshell phone on a monthly prepaid plan, it costs $30 per month and works perfectly fine. If your phone bill is ruining your life this much, it isn’t worth it and you need to get a new service.

Also, think about moving to a place with lower cost of living. There are lots of cool, medium-sized cities with a great creative culture and low cost of living. I’m really partial to Richmond, VA- there’s a big art school there, everyone is artistic, people are friendly, and you can rent a room with roommates for as low as $350. There are lots of other places like that.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I guess HC…

StrongH3art's avatar

@Dutchess_III @ARE_you_kidding_me Thank you, we have gotten a lot of positive feedback and requests regarding our designs. We just have a few things to put together and really focus on our work. We are both really dedicated and determined to make this work. Thank you for the advice and feedback. @Dutchess_III I will most def get a new plan. My current one is too expensive.

@Haleth Thanks for the response. Writing down how much I spend and budgeting sounds like a good idea. Might be overspending a little here and there. I am really considering moving out of NYC, I just feel this is not the place for me. I’ve been to places like Ohio, Boston and Quebec and fell in love with these places. The hardest part would be leaving my family. They are the most important thing to me. However I guess in order to change my life around I will have to go somewhere else. A bit of therapy won’t hurt, will consider it. Appreciate the help.

@Hypocrisy_Central Thank you, my faith in God is not as strong as before due to recent events in my life and around the world. I just feel an all knowing all powerful God should help his people in their time of need.

Coloma's avatar

@StrongH3art I do think you’d be happier in a less high cost and stressful environment too. Leaving behind your family is sad but, with the right planning there is no reason everyone can’t take turns visiting at least a couple times a year. I wish you all the best, you are intelligent and talented and I think you’re going to be just fine. Don’t under sell yourself.

Something I have had to learn too, Best wishes!

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Coloma is saying you need to move to Kansas. You can live out at the lake for about $100 a month. ;)

Coloma's avatar

@Dutchess_III haha, yeah, @StrongH3art can trade city rats, furry and human for Tornados. Seems like a good trade to me, just have a basement on standby.

Dutchess_III's avatar

We have rats at the lake! And possums. When they aren’t flocking to my house. As far as a basement…I’ve often wondered if I could just jump in the lake if a tornado came. Like, stay underwater. For hours.

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