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Love_my_doggie's avatar

Have you ever done the right thing when leaving a position - given fair notice and stayed to finish your projects - only to get the "cold shoulder" and be treated unprofessionally?

Asked by Love_my_doggie (10969points) August 5th, 2016

If yes, please share your experience and opinions about why this happened.

I’m going through this now, but for a volunteer job. I spent 5–½ years donating $33K+ worth of professional services and bringing excellence to an organization. For various reasons, I recently decided that it’s time to move on. I gave one-month’s notice and promised to help with the transition. Now, the person in charge is refusing to communicate with or even acknowledge me. I’m upset and trying to sort-through everything.

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9 Answers

Pachy's avatar

Yes, and it hurts. But that’s the workplace for you.

On one of the first advertising jobs in my career—a major ad agency owned by my uncle and cousin—I resigned after a year because I had become uncomfortable working for relatives. My cousin, who was president, childed me and said I was making a terrible mistake and ushered me out of his office without ceremony or affection.

P.S. It wasn’t a terrible mistake. My career began flourishing at my next job.

trolltoll's avatar

Wow, what jerks. Sounds like you are making the right decision in leaving. It’s their loss, I’m sure.

zenvelo's avatar

I have only seen this done when people are in a position to have access to sensitive information or strategy. And in fairness, in those situations, it makes sense.

It is too bad this is happening to you. It is not easy, yet I recommend you keep your side of the street clean, and not react to them in the same manner.

JLeslie's avatar

The “notice” time almost always is a little out of sorts. The boss is moving on mentally, and the employee is becoming apathetic. Depending on the amount of time given tends to affect how quickly things get difficult.

Your boss not communicating with you is taking it to an extreme. Is your position hard to fill?

marinelife's avatar

Yes, I learned the hard way never to give too much notice. My colleagues treated me like a pariah from then on.

Coloma's avatar

Yes, I just experienced this recently leaving my old work and moving into a new similar situation. I think the problem often is, I know it has been for me, that I go above and beyond and you spoil people and then, whether you pull back a little or move on, they feel disgruntled. Just chalk it up to their shitty character and no qualms of taking advantage and, next time, do NOT go so far above and beyond that the slightest pulling back to your normal duties seems like you are slacking off to the spoiled ones. My new work situation is so much more equitable and my new employer never misses an opportunity to praise me for all I do.

I have been in my new situation for 8 weeks today and I was just telling a friend yesterday that it feels strange, after going at warp speed for others this past few years to realize that not only do I have more down time but, my new employer is uber concerned with my happiness and fair treatment. If I have some days that are less productive she doesn’t bat an eye. What a switch.
Often we tend to set things up like this and I am learning to temper my natural tendencies to go above and beyond at all times.

funkdaddy's avatar


Once was just a really small company and it turns out the founders felt “betrayed” because we were “all in this together”. Except we weren’t. It was nights and weekends for me and they felt they’d put in their time way before I got there, so didn’t need to anymore. I gave notice, worked the day out, then got an email late that night that I shouldn’t come back to finish out my time. A few days later the person who asked me to join the company wrote me to apologize. Just different ways of handling things.

The other time might actually help your situation. I gave notice about 6 weeks before I was going to move to another city. Again it was a small team, this time within a bigger organization, and I had some responsibilities that only I covered, so I thought it was the right thing to do. My boss got really quiet and seemed distant for a bit, like yours.

I just wrote her an email and laid out clearly and kindly that I’d noticed a difference, didn’t want me leaving to affect the team or my relationship with the people there, and asked if there was anything I could do. She responded and asked if she could take me to lunch. At lunch she let me know she had just gone to bat for me in a round of layoffs that were coming and had asked for a raise for me and some others to keep her core team intact.

So, my timing probably couldn’t have been worse, without really knowing it. It wasn’t that she was upset or distant, she just had to reorganize and replan her whole group, very quickly, without letting anyone know, so she got quiet. She was busy and stressed.

A couple years later when I got back to town, she hired me back in a new role. I would have never applied if I hadn’t clarified what had gone on after giving notice.

Your situation may be similar to either of mine, or something completely different. It might be worth clarifying though and letting the “person in charge” you mention know what your intentions are in a kind way. Some people just assume the worst and there’s an imbalance of information that’s uncomfortable.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well…it’s like a rejection.

For some reason the first thing that came to my mind was when my dad told my mom that he wanted a divorce (long time coming, too.) I was away at college at the time. Mom told me later that he told her he wanted a divorce, then proceeded to climb in bed with her that night and expected her to do her marital duties. She kicked his happy ass out and he slept in my bed, downstairs, until Mom packed up and moved “home,” which was 2000 miles away, about a month later.

jca's avatar

@Love_my_doggie: No, not at a regular job and not at a volunteer job. I don’t know how you’re handling it, but if it were me and I was volunteering the way you are, I’d probably not be too willing to put in my month of transitionary labor to be treated like shit in return.

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