Social Question

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Which situation is tougher to deal with out of someone saying they love you, or you saying it to another?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (26821points) August 9th, 2016

Which is harder dealing with overall, if you muster up enough courage to tell someone you love them (real or imagined) and you do not get the desired ”I love you too” back, or someone professes their love for you and seek a likewise response but you are unable to return the affection?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

12 Answers

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Both the same. Same level of disappointment/discomfort.

janbb's avatar

I think it is worse when you say you love someone to someone who doesn’t love you. In addition to the humiliation, there’s the unrequited feelings you have for them. In the other situation, you’re sorry to hurt them but you don’t have unfulfilled feelings of love.

Mariah's avatar

I’ve actually never been in the former situation (I guess I’m very cautious about who I profess my love to) but I can only imagine it would be worse. It feels really shitty to know you’re hurting somebody by turning them down, but that shitty feeling goes away relatively fast compared to the heartache of trying to get over somebody you love.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Same as Mariah. I’ve only told 5 men that I loved them, but, with one exception, it was already known we were both in love with each other.
I have had a lot of men tell me they love me when they hardly knew me because sex you know.
One guy told me he loved me several times, over the course of a few weeks, before I said it back because I knew that’s what he wanted to hear. I didn’t love him, but I was comfortable with him. It was a relationship of companionship and convenience for both of us. Lasted about 10 years, but I knew we’d never go any further.

Anyway, to answer the question, it would be harder for me to tell someone I loved them, and have them not say it back.

cazzie's avatar

From a perfectly romantic and unpractical, non-pragmatic viewpoint, I think the feeling of loss would be most difficult for the person who is unable to reciprocate the feelings. The person who professes the love has lost nothing because the person of their affection does not return the same. The person who rejects the person professing the love loses a person who loves them.

It is MUCH better to profess love. You literally have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

janbb's avatar

@cazzie Both potentially face the loss of a good friendship or other relationship other than a romantic one though. If you profess love for a friend who doesn’t reciprocate, the situation is likely to be painful for both of you and the friendship will die.

cazzie's avatar

@janbb that is why I took the view from a perfectly romantic and unpractical, non-pragmatic viewpoint… or did you miss that?

cazzie's avatar

I’m currently in a relationship with a good friend who took the chance. I’m grateful.

janbb's avatar

@cazzie I wasn’t being critical, just furthering the discussion – or did you miss that?

cazzie's avatar

I realise you weren’t being critical. That was exactly my point.

imrainmaker's avatar

It’s really tough in both the situations. In the first case it’s hard to digest that the person you love so much and ready to do anything for him / her isn’t feeling the same way for you. In the later case it would hurt more if you’re sensitive person and feel sorry for them. People tend to be more sympathetic with their own feelings than others. Have been in both the situations so yeah am aware how it feels.

flutherother's avatar

I think the second might be harder to deal with. With the first you have feelings of love even if they are not reciprocated. With the second you have the feeling of having hurt someone.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther