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01101101's avatar

How can I control my self indulgence?

Asked by 01101101 (252points) August 12th, 2016

I realised I’m a very indulgent person. From blankets, clothes, food, room temperature and movies, I want them all comfortably high-quality. I want the best clothes, silk, velvet, leather, you name it I want them all over my body. Pizzas, croissants, burritos, juicy meats I want them all in my tongue down to my stomach. Movies? I want them HD playing with Dolby Atmos while we lay on a lazy boy recliner eating butter popcorn. Don’t even think I’m going to give you a hard time in bed, because I’m going to give you the best 3 minutes of your life. Temperature just right. Rainy days? It means let me make you a warm cup of coffee while we listen to the sound of raindrops falling.

That’s just me. But to be honest, my life isn’t supposed to be in this kind of lifestyle. I grew up in a very neglectful family and spoiling myself with the best things I could is the only thing that makes me feel good about life. My parents don’t really give me anything I ask for since I was a kid, (I stopped asking a loooong, long time ago) so I get a little sad when I don’t get what I want. Nobody spoils me but myself.

I want to control my self-indulgence because it’s going to give me a hard time soon but I don’t know where to start. Any tips? Thanks!

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6 Answers

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Go backpacking, you will see some practical advantages to leaving the creature comforts behind. It will also make you appreciate them more and you won’t want as much pampering.

jca's avatar

I think for anyone, their budget controls how much they can indulge their wishes. Not sure if you live by yourself now, but if you cannot afford the best of the best, you’ll have to learn to live with less.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Before you indulge think about what each indulgence costs. Could you use that money to get something you need later?
Would you like to retire at some point? Every bit of money you spend now can be saved to help you stop working in later years.

If you can’t stop indulging at least think about delaying the gratification a bit. Can you use the old blanket another day? Another week? Can you skip lunch today? Or delay it an hour?

Here is an interesting study you might enjoy. Stanford Marshmallow Experiment . It showed that the kids who were able to delay gratification were more successful and happier in later life. The ones who could not had higher incidences of drug abuse, crime, unemployment, etc. Check it out and see where you fit in.
The good news is the behavior can be learned.

Haleth's avatar

First of all, not all of these things are bad! The way you spend rainy days is really nice, and there’s nothing wrong with a few creature comforts. I think some people are just inclined toward creating a pleasant environment and surrounding themselves with comfort. (For instance, my bed has a very fluffy comforter on it in a pattern that I really like.)

It starts to be a problem if you find that you’re overeating or overspending. A lot of people do that to comfort themselves when they’re feeling negative emotions. It can help to take a second and think about why you’re about to eat this or buy that. Do you really need it, or are you feeling down and want a pick-me-up? Eating, buying etc. something as a pick-me-up is a temporary high that goes away quickly, and it can leave you feeling out of control over your health or your finances.

If you notice that your “indulging” has that sort of pattern, look for other ways to lift your mood. Maybe make a list of things you can do instead. A couple examples:

- Call a friend or relative
– Go for a walk (or some other favorite activity)
– Take a bubble bath
– Listen to your favorite music
– Take a few deep breaths
– Learn a new skill/ hobby

etc. A lot of the finer things in life are completely free, like your rainy day with the coffee. Also there’s no reason you can’t have nice things. If you’re not already, it might help to talk to a therapist some time about your upbringing. Your taste in the finer things is actually really nice, and if you can indulge in moderation you might actually enjoy it more.

Coloma's avatar

There is nothing wrong with some self indulgence as long as it doesn’t leave you lacking in paying for the practical side of life. Pick one or two things you can afford to indulge in every month. For me that is a monthly massage. Some people are naturally more hedonistic, based on temperament and personality style and others are naturally more minimalist but there is nothing wrong with being an Epicure.

I am on a very tight budget these days after being tanked in the recession but…while I have never been reckless in my self indulgence, ( except for over eating great food haha ) I did, for many years, enjoy being able to spend my money on the things that brought me joy. Good food, travel, art and decorating my home. I could care less about expensive cars or jewelry but each to his own. We should never feel shamed for liking what we like and how you poend your money is nobodies business.

Give yourself a monthly indulgence budget, and then, do not feel guilty treating yourself. Man does not live on bread alone, sure, maybe he can, but it isn’t very enjoyable.

Judi's avatar

Maybe you should get counseling?
It appears that you are trying to fill a void in your life that stems from a sense of neglect.
Until you tackle that feeling of worthlessness or maybe a better word would be unworthiness, you will always be seeking external stimuli to validate your worth.
The only three things I know of that have ever solved this were in the trenches hard core counseling which requires a lot of work on your part, not just showing up, a trauma that causes a person to suddenly see their world from a new paradigm, or a spiritual awakening which you can’t really manufacture but a quest might lead you there.

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