Social Question

naenae80's avatar

Friends with the Married Ex - When she asks if you two would work?

Asked by naenae80 (10points) October 3rd, 2016

My boyfriend told me early in our relationship that he still in is contact with his HS sweetheart who is married with three kids….said they were friends….said that she asked him a little over a year ago (while married with 3 kids) if they would ever workout and he told her no. So she responded “ok just friends then”. I was uneasy about this but decided it was a really good thing he choose to tell me and I decided to focus on that. A few months past and we started to get to more of a serious relationship and I noticed this was very frequent texting with pics being exchanged. So I did something that I admit was wrong….I read the texts. I will admit they both did their best to not cross an imaginary line…..BUT they sent selfies back and forth, he told her how good she looked the last time he saw her, she kept getting whiney when he didn’t give her enough attention, she likes almost every single Facebook post he has, and she kept really questioning his and my relationship. The final straw was that he met up with her and her husband while out of town….while he was very worried that her husband be there and be ok….he not only didn’t tell me – he lied when I asked if he saw her. I know you are all going to say he couldn’t tell me because I’d overreact….but I promise this was all before I had a really big issue with this relationship. I think if her husband knew she wanted to know if their relationship would ever work he wouldn’t be ok with it either. I believe my boyfriend when he says he doesn’t want her…..but it just doesn’t sit well with me…..should it??

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5 Answers

Seek's avatar

My rule is this: “If you’re lying, you’re cheating.”

Someone blaming you and your potential reactions for their dishonesty is, frankly, low. And it’s damn close to gaslighting.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

There is no ring on it, he is just a boyfriend, in essence, he is free to walk and go his way at the drop of a hat, except that and let small things go, or maybe he will actually leave.

chyna's avatar

Two things stand out to me.
1. She is obviously not happy in her marriage, yet doesn’t seem to want to leave him until she has another one on the hook.

2. He has lied to you because what he is doing is wrong. You don’t know how many more times he has lied.
Only you know what you can and will put up with.
Welcome to Fluther.

jca's avatar

It wouldn’t be ok for me. I’d feel like he’s not done with her – the connection, the correspondence, etc. I’d say “you two can have each other.” I’d guess that her hubby would feel the same if he knew. I’m betting he doesn’t know the frequency and the content of the texting the two of them do back and forth. A good test is if she told him (the hubby) the truth about the frequency and content, would it be ok with him? I am betting not.

To some people, they might feel this is acceptable. Not for me.

Judi's avatar

Trust your gut

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