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Hawaii_Jake's avatar

May I hear your confession, my child?

Asked by Hawaii_Jake (32726points) October 18th, 2016

I am ready to offer indulgences.

My confession: I cut the tags off my mattress.

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30 Answers

elbanditoroso's avatar

Yom Kippur was just last week, and I atoned for everything then. No new sins since.

I’m free as a bird!

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Peace be with you, my child.

canidmajor's avatar

In spite of the gospel “Measure everything while baking, you have to be exact” I usually just wing it, and I have never had a fail. I mean really wing it, just throw stuff into the bowl, judge by eye, and bake.

Sneki95's avatar

I stole a book from a library once. I tricked an old, senile librarian.

I returned it the day after without even reading it, I just felt bad about doing that to her.

@elbanditoroso What’s Yom Kippur?

jca's avatar

I have a multitude of sins and am not sure where to start.

Brian1946's avatar

I accidentally stole a tube of lip bomb from Whole Foods. My guilt will be legion if I discover that they’ve filed for bankruptcy. ;-o

Seek's avatar

I always eat some of whatever I’m cooking before I start plating.

Sometimes it’s the only way I taste my food when it’s still hot.

ragingloli's avatar

I have nothing to confess.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

^ Bless you.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Forgive me father for I have dug into the chocolate cake yet again while I had promised to be more careful.

Sneki95's avatar

@ZEPHYRA Your sins will be understood by the old man, for no mortal can resist the cake.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I have had sex.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

LOL. I suppose the first of many sins, Father, is that it has been about 45 years since my last confession.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

^ You don’t rush anything. That’s a virtue.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’ve had sex a LOT.

elbanditoroso's avatar

@Dutchess_III – ‘a lot’ is nothing to apologize for….. unless it was bad sex….

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

That will be one Our Father, three Hail Mary’s and an Act of Contrition for every instance, my daughter. And please avoid the younger priests on the way out.

Soubresaut's avatar

I must confess: I hit the snooze button this morning.

… Okay, I hit it twice this morning.

… And okay, I hit it yesterday, too.

… Yes, twice yesterday, too.

… And then once more…. once more yesterday, not today.

… And okay, yes, I also hit it the day before yesterday….

Dutchess_III's avatar

I have had bad sex. I have had good sex. I have had great sex. I have had the best sex ever. My sex is the best. My opponents know it, everybody knows it.

Our father.
Hail Mary
Hail Mary
Hail Mary
379,000,098.89 acts of contrition.

I’m quite tired.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Oh, and I wasn’t apologizing. I was simply confessing, but I don’t know why.

cinnamonk's avatar

I just paid an obscene amount of money for a very dry, 2-ingredient sandwich.

God help me.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I had a sandwich after sex once. Usually I had a cigarette, but one time I had a sandwich.

Sneki95's avatar

I bought books that I never read.

I’ll read them, I swear!

Mimishu1995's avatar

Sometimes I say bad things that rub people the wrong way, mostly when I’m in a bad mood or my jokes cross the line.

Forgive me, Farther!

MooCows's avatar

I spend a lot of time painting rocks…..
Its how I plant the seeds of Christianity.

imrainmaker's avatar

Father..I don’t have anything to confess ( jk) you want to confess instead?

Stinley's avatar

I’m Fluthering at work

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