Social Question

lavaLava4lamp's avatar

Why do guys think it's a sign of weakness to cry?

Asked by lavaLava4lamp (57points) November 11th, 2016

I honestly don’t understand why guys think it’s a sign of weakness to cry. I do know a few guys that don’t try to hide their feelings and embrace the moment and cry at times of sadness, and most of time, people will thank them for not trying to be a tough, emotionless ‘man of steel.’ You cry when the pain is so deep, so heartbreaking, so true, that words can’t begin to express the pain you are feeling. I honestly think it makes guys look like jerks and that they completely don’t care at all when they just stand or sit there like nothing has happened and that its just another ordinary day. Now I’m not saying that there aren’t girls that do this too, because there are girls that do this, but the majority of people not seeming to care are guys. The only reason I’m bringing this up is because recently, everyone at my school found out that there is a junior who was recently expelled because he got into a fight with someone who said, “Pfft! Kids are stupid! Heck! I’d shoot my two siblings right through the head this instant if they were here right now!” This particular juniors siblings had died earlier that morning in a horrific fire. As you can imagine, as soon as the student body had been informed of this, everyone started crying except for a decent majority of guys. It just fathoms me that some people just don’t, or act like, that they don’t care about the death of four young children. So back to the point of all this, why do guys think it’s a sign of weakness to cry? Thanks for reading.

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17 Answers

ucme's avatar

A long outdated, badly misjudged sense of macho bullshit.
I cry freely whenever the urge to overwhelms me, regardless of, well, anything at all.

Love_my_doggie's avatar

“Big boys don’t cry,” but grown men embrace their humanity without any shame or regrets.

JLeslie's avatar

Because the weaker sex cries more. ~

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Because it let’s your enemies know that they are winning.

lavaLava4lamp's avatar

I just want to make it clear that I don’t believe that all guys don’t cry, but that most guys I have met don’t. It just baffles me that someone can seem so heartless when at the same time but from a different perspective, their siblings just died and their whole world is crumbling. I just can’t see why some people think that not showing sorrow for someone is being ‘stronger.’

Sneki95's avatar

Men are taught not to cry and be strong, stable, seemingly emotionless heroes, while crying is for women, who are, by the way, the weaker and more emotional gender.
Stupid gender roles with no sense whatsoever but eh, many things make no sense anyways.

I wouldn’t call it heartless not to cry, though. Some people simply don’t cry, even though they grieve.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

We don’t think that unless the reasons for crying are not worthy of actual sadness.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

Not all men do. My husband cries at films and when something sad happens. I doubt he would cry in front of other men, but he has no qualms about showing his emotions in front of me. I love that about him. He’s very confident about his masculinity. He doesn’t need to make any show of being tough.

My brothers, on the other hand, are quite repressed when it comes to showing emotions. That ridiculous need to be stoic is strong in them. I remember one of my brothers telling my son when he was little that boys don’t hug, they shake hands. I went off at him. I had no desire for my son to grow up with the idea that he must constantly contain his emotions.

cookieman's avatar

I cry at Hallmark commercials, so what do I know?

zenvelo's avatar

My kids check me out every December when we watch Charlie Brown Christmas because I always tear up.

Boys don’t cry dates back to old psychology about sucking it up and being able to persevere during war time. But all that really led to was PTSD and the Greatest Generation coming home and not processing in a healthy manner for decades.

MrGrimm888's avatar

It’s just a perception thing. I was taught crying was useless, showed weakness , and whatever was “causing ” the emotional response was to be either conquered or ignored.

That being said. It’s normal /healthy to cry . Especially given good reason.

But males overall are taught not to show weakness. If you’re fighting, your opponent isn’t hurting you. Team sports, you aren’t tired, run til you drop. If others are doing you should be able to also.

Being male means being in constant competition. I suppose it’s instinctive ,to insure that the strongest progress. It is a primitive, outdated thinking. But, it is still there.

Pachy's avatar

They see it as a deficiency in masculinity, weakness. I’ve been a crier all my life, and I see it as masculine strength—strength to feel, strength to show feelings.

imrainmaker's avatar

I did cry when I lost my father after sudden illness and in other instances too involving close relatives. I don’t think its shameful at all.

Zaku's avatar

It’s an unfortunate cultural social stigma, that shows up as some parents/relatives and many boy children teasing/taunting/bullying/shaming boys about crying.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

It matters not who cries. People could have felt the sadness but chose to hide it, it doesn’t mean they’re lacking empathy. I prefer action over words/face expression, now if those who cried actually did nothing but cry then they can be easily blamed as well, so long as someone actually did something for the sake of the said person or other things of relevance it does not matter whether he/she cries or not.

This reminds me of a situation during one of my classes when we watched slides about how animals being handled in commercial factory farming, where some of the gals said something like “OMG, such poor little creature, how come people could be so heartless” (with somewhat gloomly face), yet! I know these gals occasionally eat what they pity upon, even long after they said the comment. I will applaud their action if only there’s any action taken to support their belief and it wasn’t tainted with hypocrisy.

JLeslie's avatar

It’s not just socialization. Estrogen causes women to trigger a cry more easily then men.

Men don’t have the need to cry as much as women. It’s easier for them to have that rule. It’s partly why very young children whether it’s or girls cry almost equally, but once the testosterone begins surging boys are able to control it, or even feel less need to cry right at the time girls start becoming more predisposed to crying.

The socialization counts too. Boys at a young age are shamed into not crying more than anything I think. I don’t think most parent tells their boys—boys don’t cry. Maybe I wrong. I do think once a boy is in school his peers might tease him for crying, and that helps curb the behavior like many other behaviors.

MrGrimm888's avatar

It’s a weakness thing. As I said, it’s rather primitive thinking, but I participate. I helped raise my nephew since he was a baby.

When he took his first steps, we tripped him. Then he got hard to trip ,so we threw big pillows at him ,to knock him down. Seems cruel right? Try tripping him now at 15. He’s an excellent basketball player. He’s pretty good dribbling through several players feet in the paint.

A boy, sadly, must become a man someday. He must be treated thusly. He has to be taught that crying is not an option. At least during a ‘situation. ’

He can cry later,when nobody is around.

When I worked at the emergency veterinarian hospital there were always terribly sad things happening. But I had to keep it together, or I’d be no help. But when I left work I had a ‘crying spot’ about a half mile from work, where I would park,and cry until I could drive. I utilized that spot several times a month…

I agree that crying shouldn’t be considered a weakness, but this is the world we live in.

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