Can you help me with a difficult Thanksgiving problem?

GENERAL SECTION QUESTION

I am going to eat Thanksgiving dinner with my good friend’s daughter and her family. I baked an apple pie from scratch to take.

My friend went through a difficult divorce a few years ago after a long separation.

She stopped by to admire the pie just now and informed me that her ex-husband would be at the dinner, too, because his new wife was away, so their daughter invited him to attend, too.

I have met him once, but I know my friend, and I know he emotional abused and manipulated her for all the very many years they were married. I work in mental health, and I know a few things about psychology. I can see the dysfunction in her that his abuse caused. He limited her access to friends and outside activities. He constantly belittled her. He used every opportunity to rail against any good self-esteem she had.

She has come a long way, but it has taken years.

His presence at the dinner I know is one more way he is manipulating his family.

So, do I go and spend the dinner with a monster whom I truly despise?

I am the victim of abuse, and I hate seeing it in any form.

On the one hand, I want to go to be with my good friend. On the other hand, I have established a boundary with this friend refusing to allow her to talk to me about her ex. He still calls her and gets her to do things for him. I can’t tell her what to do, but I can protect myself from remotely participating in his manipulations by hearing her bemoan them.

I have thought of one idea: I’ll drive myself to the dinner instead of riding with my friend. That way I can leave at any time.

What other ideas are there? How can I attend this dinner with a monster present?

If you even remotely think you need to tell me I’m wrong about him and that he’s not a monster, I can tell you right now I will not hear it. You do not know the many details I am not sharing here.

GENERAL SECTION QUESTION