If you know someone is planning to give you a holiday gift, do you feel an obligation to give them something in return?

My first reaction is a guilt free yes….I throw pottery so it is easy to send them home with a cool hand made gift as well

It depends. If it’s someone I like, I’ll grab a gift for them from the rubbermaid box of spare gifts. If it’s someone I don’t care for, or don’t want to get into a gift spiral with, I won’t give them a gift and will actively try not to accept the gift.

I really really really have worked hard to get out of the gift exchange routine with almost everyone. There are a few children I will give gifts to, but otherwise, nyet.

I used to be more like this but not so much anymore. I too do not want to be in a gift giving spiral anymore and haven’t for some years now. I am giving out some of my home made cranberry apple relish to a couple neighbors but only, actually, buying for 2 people, my daughter and the little girl I babysit. I am having my best friend over for home made soup and goodies and a girls night sleepover this Tues. My gift to her.

I loathe obligation, gift giving should not have strings attached or guilt. If you feel obligated to give it is not giving it is caving to coercement.

I shouldn’t, but I do. As a matter of fact, I’m experiencing this at the moment. When the info comes in, my mind immediately scrambles for something I can give back within means and reason. When I give, it’s from the heart and it distresses me if I have distressed someone in the least. It’s just another on of those things that I’ve never learned to practice that I wish everyone would. It comes from a lifetime of always keeping personal accounts balanced and paying my own way.

In the case mentioned above, she is going to give me something meaningful to both of us that hasn’t cost her much money, thank goodness. I really can’t think of anything comparable that I can get her before December 25th other than my appreciation and friendship—which for me is all I would want back. But I just can’t let these things slide. I know she could use some cash so, trying not to be too crass about it, I’ll take her to dinner and slip her a Christmas envelope soon after Christmas (That way she probably won’t attempt to reciprocate until nest yuletide) because a dollar to me is worth much less than a dollar to her. Best I can do at the moment.

I’d feel obligated to, but might not. If I had a spare gift I would, or if I really like them, but if not l would be embarrassed by my lack of reciprocal gift but would live with it.

@Coloma – I am going to my friend’s place to make her soup – she thinks people cooking for her in her home is a big treat so I’m hauling my ingredients and knives over. The same friend asked me to decorate for her big New Year’s Eve luncheon – where she will be cooking for 16. An easy gift to give .

@BellaB Yes. I am making taco soup, with shredded cheese, chips with guacamole, veggie tray and dip and all sorts of goodies and plenty of champagne. Come on over! :-D

It depends on who it is. If it is a friend, then yes I would. A co-worker not so much, perhaos a toekn. An acquaintance? Probably not. A hostess? Definitely.

No. I don’t buy Christmas gifts anymore. I give my kids and grandkids really great birthday gifts. We don’t let consumerism interfere with the importance of religious holidays, including Christmas. We enjoy secular Christmas activities prior to Christmas, then the tree comes down and the Nativity stays up until Epiphany. I always hated the “Easter clothes” thing too. My children never wore new clothes on Easter, even if they had a closet full.

For me, it’s a “depends” decision.

If it’s someone I want to give a present to, I do. If it’s a gift I feel I must give out of obligation, nah.

Of course if it’s a close relative or, say, a work manager, I err on the side of generosity.

Most likely yes, I would feel like I should get a gift for them too. It depends on the circumstance though.

I think it’s a little odd to know someone might be giving you a gift. If it’s secret Santa at work, or some sort if tradition WTH that person to trade gifts then that’s one thing. But, it’s odd to me someone would announce they are bringing me a holiday gift.

@JLeslie , one awful gift-spiral in my life started when a work friend said she’d be dropping by my place a few days later to drop off my Christmas gift? Christmas gift? what? nooooo. I tried to tell her that there was no need for her to give me a gift, but nooooo, she wanted to give me something for being a friend.

It took nearly a decade to get out of that whole mess. Before I managed to end it, she was buying gifts for my dogs in her husband’s name. So very very awkward.

Someone whom I consider a friend but recently had several falling-outs with had asked me a few weeks ago if we were going to exchange gifts, given that we had these recent disagreements (arguments). I responded (via email), I’m fine not exchanging gifts. I also responded that I still considered her a friend. She got very offended and said something about how this says a lot about the nature of our relationship, blah blah blah. Then I figured if it upsets her so, I’m going to just agree to it. So I told her let’s exchange gifts. Then she started more shit with me and said whatever you bought me, just return it, we’re not friends, etc. I was done done done with the bullshit and arguing. Another person asked if we all wanted to meet to go shopping, and my on again/off again friend brought us both Christmas presents. Now I guess I have to go get her something, I don’t know.

For other people at work or whatever, I anticipate them giving me gifts and so I have to be ready, or at least i feel an obligation to be ready and reciprocate.

My autocorrect has truly gone haywire. Gawd, I don’t even know how exactly my post above was supposed to be worded.

@jca That’s what I call a huge miscommunication. She read all into you not wanting to bother to exchange gifts as though you were passive aggressively telling her you don’t consider her a good friend anymore. If you told me you didn’t want to exchange gifts I’d say “sounds good.” Lol. You weren’t being passive aggressive, rather you were simply answering the question directly to make your life easier and hopefully hers too. She should not have asked if she didn’t want an answer.

@BellaB If you had not bothered to get her a gift the spiral might have never started. I get it though. I would have most likely done the same as you. Although, I have to say, once in a while when I do buy a gift for someone who I know probably has no idea I’m going to give them something, I certainly do not expect a gift in return. I don’t say to them I’m bringing them a gift. Maybe people think that’s a nice thing to do? To give fair warning?

I’m not totally altruistic and sugar and sweet though. When it comes to my husband’s family they use their gift giving at Christmas to reflect their grudges. They are quite passive aggressive and for sure the gift you get reflects whether they are in the middle of hating you or not. If you’re on the outs with them you might get a $15 gift while they give someone else at the same Christmas dinner a $200 gift. It’s obnoxious. In that situation the money counts, because it directly reflects the thought with them.

This year I haven’t bought one gift. It’s just my husband and I this holiday time. Just fine with me. I do have a friend visiting on the 23rd, I might get her a little something. Not sure.

I made my 87 and 88 year old neighbors a meatloaf dinner last night. They loved it! My famous meatloaf surrounded by roasted red potatoes and a big bowl of steamed snap peas and a plate of Xmas cookies. Man, if I make it to freaking 88 I hope someone makes me dinner once in awhile. haha

Then their church group came a’ caroling, it was so fun, I may be an Atheist but I do love Xmas carols. I nominated we all sing ” Hark the Herald” my favorite. We all sounded pretty damn good. :-)

@JLeslie haha, yep, I’d say that’s pretty passive aggressive. Almost funny, but not quite if you are witness to it. My ex MIL used to just blatantly defy my wishes with my daughter. I’d tell her to not go nuts and just keep the toys and stuff simple. What’s she do? She buys like a 50 gazillion piece Lego castle that when assembled took up half my living room. Thanks, now this beast will sit in the living room for the next 3 years. haha

@Coloma I have a friend whose MIL spends a fortune on the grandkids for Xmas. It bugs her, but they compromised with my friend being able to direct what gift a little bit.