Relationship pickle - what would you do?
(first of all for those who remember me: “Hi again; sorry for being away for ~3 years…)
Dear Fluther, Fremen_Warrior has a relationship question for you…
it boils down to: (when) should I break off my relationship of almost 2 years (we’re living together), or… or what?
The details: moved in together (her idea) about a year after we started dating – we were both moving to a different city, so it made sense. I earn more than she does and while I could support myself on my own here she would have a difficult time doing so.
Moving in together was a big step and too early, in my opinion, but she really wanted it, plus financially it made sense. Now I like things the way they are and would not change anything, but… she recently found out that having children SOONER rather than later (i.e. within the next 2 years max) is optimal dt. health reasons.
I was never ok with the idea, always said, “if at all, 10 years from now at least” but even that is a lie I think; I just don’t want kids. I really value what we have; she made me a happier man than I ever was. I’m just thinking this is not going to work now, we are at cross purposes, and to continue this would be unfair of me.
My dilemma is that I think I should end the relationship, as I am sure when I tell her I do not want kids she will say this is a dealbreaker, but on the other hand I know this will devastate her, plus she will have a difficult time finding a (very small) flat and supporting herself with what she earns…
I will basically be breaking her heart if I do this, and I know I will be sad too.
more info on us: I am in my early 30s still, she is in her late 20s. I mean we both technically have time to start over, still I care about her and it makes me sad to think she would no longer be a part of my life… We do not have a lot to talk about, but we enjoy our company enough anyway, we travel, we support each other. This is the first relationship either of us had been engaged in for more than 1 year…
I just don’t want to be the bad guy here, but I feel any choice I make is going to be a bad one.
So here it is, my (pathetic) little dilemma. And yes I turn to “random strangers on the internet” for advice, I know but I really need help sorting this out. This is making me so anxious :/
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.