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Dutchess_III's avatar

Have you ever had something you just didn't want to talk about, or share with others, and how would you feel if someone kept pushing you to talk about it?

Asked by Dutchess_III (42477points) January 25th, 2017

Also, do you think there is such a thing as some personal privacy in a relationship? If someone doesn’t want to talk about something, say, something that happened in their past, should we keep pushing them?

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12 Answers

Patty_Melt's avatar

I am both ways on it. On the one hand, I believe every human has a right to hold certain things to themselves.
On the other hand, my daughter gets herself all tied in knots over stuff, and when I try to help her sort through them I can’t crack that nut open, so she broils.
If someone is suffering because of something they are not ready to share, the ones who love them can see it. We hurt, watching someone we love turmoil alone. It is natural to want them to open up so that hopefully we can help.
Perhaps you could tell him that you don’t feel okay talking about what is bothering you, but if he doesn’t mind, maybe talking about something else would help.
Getting my daughter to open up sometimes goes better if I start talking about something of myself, maybe from my teens, or early adult uears. I will talk about some silly stuff, then ease into more tense subjects. Usually that will set a tone that lets her feel more comfortable to bring up her own topics.
There is nothing wrong with having certain things to keep to yourself, but those who love you can’t help but want to know what is hurtful to you.

Sneki95's avatar

“Do you think there is such a thing as some personal privacy in a relationship?”

“If someone doesn’t want to talk about something, say, something that happened in their past, should we keep pushing them?”

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Patty_Melt When my kids were teens I’d still go upstairs to say good night after they went to bed. I’ll ask what the best thing that had happened to that day was, and the worst. It was a ritual. Sometimes they’d talk, sometimes they wouldn’t, especially my daughter.

Berserker's avatar

I evade or say fuck off?

Or so I’d like to say, but doing these things confirms to people that there is something. Being an alcoholic I’ve learned to play dumb or lie, and send the scouts away forever. Sad and shameful yes, do I give a fuck, no.

YARNLADY's avatar

I am the pushy one, because I do not recognize the motivation behind not wanting to talk about something. You could say I am clueless.

johnpowell's avatar

I dealt with this a lot in high school. People wondered why I lived with my sister and they were new friends so I didn’t really want to say “My mom is in prison for killing my dad.”

Luckily they were good people and got the idea that I simply don’t want to discuss it. But my sister was three years older and her friends knew what happened. And we hung out in the same circle of punks/skaters and the groups merged and all my friends found out but never talked about it.

It wasn’t until my 21st b-day and a bottle of Goldschläger that I opened up to find out that everyone had known for years. So such worthless stress.

Cruiser's avatar

Pushing anyone repeatedly is a recipe for an explosive fight. I just say I am not wanting to or ready to talk about it or conversely I will let them know that when you are ready to talk about it I am here for you and leave it at that.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

Oh you know I have one. You’ve asked me about who I really was in the past which I refused to answer. How do I handle situation like this? Politely apologize for not being able to give what they desire and tell them the reason behind it. No matter how persistent someone is in pushing you politeness is always the way to go.

I believe every single person has inherent freedom regardless of what relationship they’re in to. In my relationship I will respect that my partner doesn’t to talk about his past, but I’ll tell him that if that thing that he refused to tell me is something that affect or might affect me and our relationship then I have a right to know, otherwise I couldn’t care less. Everyone has their own secrets.

Dutchess_III's avatar

If they tend to react with anger when the question is even broached, do you think it’s wisest to just back off? Or should you keep on pushing, so you can “discuss this,” or “get it out in the open”?

Unofficial_Member's avatar

The rule is, if it you think the matter you wish to ask doesn’t affect you then you don’t have any right to fish the answer from someone who you believe is unwilling to tell you.

If you happen to broach the matter (with a conviction that it’ll affect your life) then pushing for an answer might be the wiser decision as your own wellbeing is at stake. I believe each issue has its own specific answer depending on the circumstances and if you could provide an example it’ll help even more in judging the situation.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yes. I would agree. It would have to depend on the specific circumstance. I mean, if broaching an issue might cause a violent blow up on the other person’s part, you have to weigh that against how badly you want to bring it up.

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