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JLeslie's avatar

When do I give flowers to a performer?

Asked by JLeslie (59781points) January 26th, 2017 from iPhone

A new friend of ours is performing in a show that I will be going to this weekend. I was thinking of bringing her flowers, but I have no idea the etiquette. I’ve seen people throw bouquets on stage or be presented with bouquets on stage, but I won’t be doing anything like that.

I’m thinking of bringing them back stage before the performance. If that sounds good to you, should they be in a vase? I’m not much of a flower person. I’m not good at receiving or giving them. I’m still not sure I’m going to do it.

Maybe as a side comment tell me what else I could bring her instead of flowers.

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12 Answers

Unofficial_Member's avatar

The best course of action when you don’t know what to do in a particular situation is to observe and copy what other people around you do. You can bring the flower with you and see if other people also deliver the flower at that time but my feeling tells me that it would be more comfortable for both her and you if it’s done backstage. Gosh, honestly I don’t believe women this age are still in to flowers but if that what the culture demands then go for it.

Assuming you give her real and cut flower, I don’t think the flowers need to be in vase to be presentable (it’s not like many people plan to grow the flowers). Personally, I find plastic flowers to be horrid and lacking taste. If you want to give her other things, the best one is of course, the things that she like the most, something that you need to find out about her (so long as it’s affordable and you think she deserves it). Besides flowers, I would like to suggest a pack of quality tea leaves or coffee would be nice. A bottle of wine or champagne too would surely make her happy.

This is just like the Chinese culture in my place. We give people money in red envelopes for karaoke performers in a show, and it’s done while they’re singing and in front of other people but your culture might be different so you’ll have more freedom to act as convenient as you want.

BellaB's avatar

In the shows I perform in, flowers are always presented after the performance. Some theatres are set up to allow people to come up to the stage to hand the flowers to their friend, others really only work with backstage presentation. Bouquets are standard. Not sure I’ve ever seen any arrive in a vase. If your friend is a key performer, loosely wrapped blooms are best so they can pull one or more out to give to other people on stage.

Definitely not before the show. I’m not sure if it’s considered bad luck or something but it’s frowned on. I’ve seen people hand back bouquets people tried to give them before a show. That is awkward for everyone.

anniereborn's avatar

Is this a play? Is it community theater or something similar? How big is the space the show is in? I do a lot of community theater and I have seen flowers done many ways. If you can deliver them to her backstage or find someone who can that is def acceptable.
If it’s a small enough theater, giving them to her during curtain call is also okay. Or, you could give them to her after the show. No matter what, no vase is required.

As far as alternative gifts….I think if you know her well enough to know what she likes, you can get all kinds of things.

Also, while many people may not like to receive flowers anymore, i can assure you that the majority of performers do.

anniereborn's avatar

RE @BellaB In my experience I have seen people get flowers before the show and they were all happy to receive them.

BellaB's avatar

@anniereborn ,maybe the rejection of the before-show flowers is specific to dancers. I’ve seen it happen several times. I’ve never wanted to ask why. I just wanted to get away from the awkward moment.

anniereborn's avatar

@BellaB Oh, okay. I’m in theater, not dance performances…so yeh, it may be different.

Cruiser's avatar

My comment is not to dissuade you from a congratulatory moment of your friends shining moment by throwing flowers at her but I would save the flowers to hand deliver to her backstage after the show where you can offer your heartfelt words to go along with the gesture of appreciation of her performance the flowers will offer. People throw flowers on the stage because they do not have the privilege of personally greeting her after the show that you do.

JLeslie's avatar

It makes sense to me before the show might be considered a jinx. I hadn’t thought of that.

If I give them after I’m holding flowers throughout the performance? That sounds a little annoying. I guess I can lay them on the floor at my feet? The seating is very tight in this theatre. It’s a rather small theatre, but I’m fairly far back from the stage.

I don’t know her well. It’s a sort of long story. The short version is I took a ballet class and met her before class. We talked, and totally bazaar, it comes up that her husband was a motorcycle cop in Mexico for many years, and my FIL was one also when he was a young adult. It just so happened that my inlaws were in town, and we all got together for dinner. They knew each other. They didn’t work directly together, but they knew each other and many of the same people. Small world.

I’m very excited to see her perform. If she were a close friend I had known for years I wouldn’t worry about bringing anything. It’s because I’ve just met her, and she and her husband had dinner with my husband and I and my inlaws, that I was thinking of doing it.

anniereborn's avatar

@JLeslie Personally I would get them to her backstage before the show. But obviously that’s from my personal experiences. And I have only done that at community theaters.

ragingloli's avatar

I think they prefer dollar bills.

puddintane's avatar

After the show. The performers are busy with prep beforehand and it can be a distraction. You will notice you won’t be the only person holding flowers during the performance.

Strauss's avatar

Most people I’ve seen who have received flowers get them after the performance, be it theater, dance or a concert. It seems to me that the place of presentation is dependent on the venue.

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