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Heather13's avatar

Should I look for a job with all female staff and managers?

Asked by Heather13 (495points) February 9th, 2017

I know that I have mentioned similar situations
Iike this before, but they are all real and very strange.

I never seek out these type of situations, nor imagine them. My life seems to be runnning on this monotone type theme that includes the same dynamics. Maybe some people have yhis type of uniqueness in their life
for one reason or another. I have two part time jobs. One is witht the same company for a couple years, but with changing head, managers. The other, I am new to. The new head manager in the first job, is totqlly and completely new to me. He is still getting to know me and my work ethic, which both managers and coworkers agree to be above standards. I love my job. Anyway, he is now doing the same things the other manager(s) I have mentioned in my previous post. He stares at me from a far, a lot. Calls my name every minute (for no real reason), fist bumps to say hi or bye, talks to me about his likes and dislikes (outside of work, like moves), creeps up on me suddenly from behind, and stands or kneels close to me. Then suddenly acts very cold and mad towards me. Just back and forth. And the most annoying thing he does is he keeps saying “sorry” if he says somehing and I correct it. For example, if he says something about my schedule that was not correct and I nicely correct it. He says “sorry” as if he needed to. Or if he is joking and I didnt catch and I respond to it not knowing its a joke, he keeps says “I’m sorry, I just kidding”. Like he thinks he has to be so careful with me.

With my new boss at my other job, its just creepy staring and awkwardness. Recently, another manager below his rank, bought the staff pizza as appreciation for going the extra mile at work. We sat in a small room around a table eating. So he stands across from us in a corner facing me directly as I sat and eat with the others. Then I looked up from my plate, and my eyes met his as I caught him satring at me. He looked at me so hard with a relaxed expression and tried to hold my gaze. I awkwardly broke eye contact and he started talking to the others and would go back and forth with his stare. Then he proceeds to move to stand directly behind me and started talking more and making random jokes with the others sitting around the table with me. He started to mention how the hiring manager does not hire good people and that she only hires people with good looks. But that she finally did a good job when she hired me. I froze and didn’t know what to say, as everyone muttered in agreement. He started to talked a little too familiar with us. And I finally said its time to get back to work. I got up and passed him by and left.  Why I being thrown into this ongoing scenario?

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31 Answers

rojo's avatar

@Heather13 I think it might be a good idea, at least for a while. I think you would be more comfortable and less prone to concerns about male/female interactions.

On the other hand, I have a daughter who insisted that males were much easier to deal with because they were predictable in their actions whereas females seemed to suffer from a case of too much drama all the time so, maybe not.

But, give it a try, you have not been happy in co-ed environments for a while and whadda ya got to lose?

Heather13's avatar

Its not a happy or not bring happy situation working with males. I just feel like I am raw meat, and they are wolves when it comes to all the staring, glaring, and awkwardness on their part. Otherwise, my jobs are great

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

I was a merchant marine working with all male crews for ten years. Then I was an RN working mostly with all female staff, from upper management on down, for almost 25 years. Each sex has it’s quirks and qualities and, trust me on this, working with one or the other won’t save you from either sexual tension or sexual harrassment.

My feeling on this is that you just need to be more tolerant of other people and not be so narcisistic and ultra self-conscious. People are weird, Heather. Just learn to cut through them like butter and not take every little thing so seriously. So, some guy says sorry all the time, others stare at you. Big deal. Just ignore them and do your job that you say you love so much.

JLeslie's avatar

If he makes you uncomfortable then do something or say something to set a boundary. If he touches you, tell him you don’t want to be touched. If he stands too close, distance yourself. Two people can only catch each other’s gaze if both people are gazing.

I don’t know if your just unlucky and hitting a lot if creepy guys, or if the guys aren’t very creepy and you are very sensitive to these things. Usually, I’d say women know when things feel off and should trust themselves about these sorts of things.

Don’t give him any encouragement is what I would say. Stand tall, be assertative, don’t be paralyzed or quiet when something feels wrong, take control of it. He comments on pretty people being hired, I’d respond by saying I don’t think how someone looks has anything to do with the job or anything for that matter. If he compliments you and it makes you uncomfortable, tell him to please not do it, because it makes you uncomfortable. He’ll probably assume you had a really bad experience in the past, but so what. Basically, let him know at the get go that his charm is wasted on you.

People will hate me for this. Are you wearing high heals, short skirts, or showing cleavage? Don’t. Is your hair down the middle of your back? Pull it up.

cazzie's avatar

I call super utter bullshit here. Sorry….. but I have to.

rojo's avatar

you can’t call bullshit without the proper hand signals @cazzie, you know that

Heather13's avatar


Black loose pants with black converse shoes and plain black shirt. No exposure. In both jobs. Its rough hard jobs thars not fancy.

JLeslie's avatar

What type of job is it? I might have missed it in the details?

Heather13's avatar

@JLeslie both of them are Food & Beverage (hospitality).
I described two bosses. I have two jobs in the same industry

JLeslie's avatar

I’ll stereotype for a second.

Restaurants and bars are notorious for cheating men, smoking, cocaine, and drinking. Not everyone in the industry is like that, and it varies widely depending on what exact type of place it is. My ex worked in fancy restaurants with his brother while we dated, and they were bad guys. They were definitely like Trump says, “grab ‘em by the pussy” men. They’d try with anyone who would let them get close. A lot of the guys they hung out with were similar, and a lot of the women did hook up with them right at the restaurant, and they didn’t care if the guys were married.

I had a neighbor who owned a fast food type franchise and I don’t believe for a second he was that type of man, so like I said, it’s not everyone in the industry, but there are a lot of them in the industry who are like that.

You would know if you see this behavior or not, I’m not assuming.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

First, if you could find a job with all female staff and management, you’d also need to work for a company that has no male customers OR that sells by mail order or something similar. Men are part of our planet. All women experience meeting skeevy men. I doubt there’s one out there that hasn’t had such experiences. It’s not right. It shouldn’t happen. It’s not going to change any time soon.

Women learn to manage these situations. As @JLeslie suggested, if someone you work with is behaving in a way that is inappropriate, tell him to stop and if he doesn’t speak to a manager further up the tree of life.

However, as has been suggested above, I suspect part of your problem is your perception of how men are viewing you. This is something you could speak to a therapist about to overcome what would appear to be a tendency to assume men have ulterior motives.

gorillapaws's avatar

How old are you? If you’re under 18 what you’re describing would be extra-creepy. I’m going to disagree with several other responses here. Trust your instincts. If you’re getting a creepy vibe, keep your guard up.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

@gorillapaws, I think the OP has said she’s in her 30s (or at least late 20s) and she has posted many questions about men staring and looking at her.

Link to her age.

gorillapaws's avatar

@Earthbound_Misfit I see. The “13” in the name got me concerned.

This part of the OP is clearly inappropriate conduct in a workplace:

“He started to mention how the hiring manager does not hire good people and that she only hires people with good looks. But that she finally did a good job when she hired me.”

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

@gorillapaws, all I can say is look back through the poster’s previous questions. Apparently, men cannot help but stare at this woman. If this was a first question, I’d be empathic, but the number of men who cannot help but swoon, behave oddly, and stare at this woman is truly unbelievable. I don’t know whether she is unable to manage relationships with men or she is a narcissist, but I really do think a therapist might help.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

This is a prime example of Generation Snowflake, a psychographic (not demographic) designation. Although this neoligism is considered by many to be derogatory, I don’t. I find it very accurate to describe many people existing today and useful for discussion.

Heather13's avatar


I don’t have a mental or psychological problem. And I have the presence of mind to know what’s going on around me. Am certainly no narcassist. A word that is way too loosly used by people who have no experience in the study of human behavior. So don’t let others cloud your view of me. They just can’t believe this would happen to one woman. Maimly because they think that I think its flattering that these people are behaving like this around me. In which case, I wouldn’t even need to post about it. I need advice from someone not involved, and outside percpective on these situations. That’s the purpose of all of this. They way they opperate, makes its hard to formulate any kind of sexual harrassment complaint. One guy told me the reason he stares at me so often is because “I am easy on the eyes”. That’s exactly that happened. I am not imagining anything. It’s not a fantacy or some silly perception. Thank you for your response and input.

Heather13's avatar


I have been working in the service/hospitality industry for a number of years. My primary reason for doing so is my love for people and my desire to help other people. I have worked in worked in positions thqt a lot of people would turn their nose up at. But as long as I can make someone’s life a bit easier, I feel fulfilled in my job. One of the main characteristic of a narcissist is that they have disdain and lack of empathy for others. Frankly, all your response to me show lack of empathy and some disdain. But that doesn’t make you a narcissist. A lot of people are like this for various reasons. Please stop saying I am imagining my situation when you’re not there to see what I am talking about. I can talk about it because I see and know. Help. Not judge.

JLeslie's avatar

@Heather13 When a guy says you are easy in the eyes, and you are uncomfortable with it, you tell him back to “stop it. Stop staring.”

You run a small risk of them finding it “funny” you are agitated, but more likely they will go bother someone else.

It sounds to me like you don’t stand up to them at all.

I tell women to push them off, stand your ground. Men like that are like 2 year olds, they will test and test and test your limits.

Heather13's avatar


You’re right. I walked away or ignore. But say nothing. Am a bit of softy. And afraid I would say the wrong thing that may turn out to be worse than what they do or say.

JLeslie's avatar

Maybe it’s time to change it up! I can’t give you any guarantee how it will work out, but what you are doing now isn’t working. Men like that believe women “want” the attention. If you do just walk away you just have them permission to do it again, and worse you are playing cat and mouse in their mind. They love that hard to get garbage.

When one of these guys cops a feel off of you they are going to think like Trump, “well she didn’t stop me.”

Nothing about all of this is ok. You shouldn’t have to be dealing with this at all, but it’s good to know how to deal with it.

What are you afraid of? Getting fired?

chyna's avatar

Perhaps you are just hyper aware of your surroundings. I am blissfully unaware of mine. People would say that some guy was checking me out and I wouldn’t have noticed. Or that someone gave me a mean look, or someone had waved and I just didn’t notice.
I think what you are noticing is real, but you are just going to have to ignore it unless they get in your personal space.

BellaB's avatar

You need help with this. Either to sort out why this is happening to you or to help you be less aware/reactive. It’s not healthy for you.

Please seek help as noted by others.

Kardamom's avatar

I’m going to go out on a limb, even though I don’t have to venture out very far. The OP has problems.

She thinks that men are constantly staring at her, and saying weird things to her, and singling her out by seeming to be attentive, and then becoming angry, or at least that is what she has said, repeatedly. She has had this same problem on almost every question she has asked here.

I believe that she has a mental problem regarding men. I have no idea what is causing her to think these things, but she clearly has a problem. I believe that she needs to seek mental health treatment. A lot of us have already suggested that to her, multiple times. She apparently has declined to do that, and yet the same problem persists.

I too, would have a different answer if this was the first time she’s asked this type of question, with almost identical situations, albeit with slight differences in the details, to make it sound like a different question.

Heather13's avatar


You’re so right

Heather13's avatar


Yes thanks. I will seek professional help for my mental and psychological problem. Thank you for encouraging me to seek help/support.

Heather13's avatar


Hypersensitivity and a wild imagination could be the only explanation now thay you mention it. Its too far fetch for it to be anything otherwise. Thank you. You’re right.

chyna's avatar

I did not say that at all. Please re-read my post. I said you could be hyper aware. Meaning you pay attention to your surroundings. And no where did I say you had a wild imagination.

Heather13's avatar


Ok cool. Hyper aware.
Makes a difference now.

Thanks for the correction.

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