Social Question
If you wanted it to be thrown away or discarded in years past, do you still get dibs on it?
This argument is over a piece of furniture. Its more of an attachment issue than anything that was actually being used.
When my family and I were getting the furniture out of my grandmother’s house back in 2011, there was a record cabinet that I wanted—
It is a really beautiful cabinet, looks something like a high-end wine cabinet—but was used for record albums—somewhat green to aquamarine to specks of gold, with a beveled cabinet door crisscrossed with decorative lead mullions. I’ve seen similar things at furniture stores for over $1,000— Although the piece was from the early 1950s, it is exactly the kind of thing that is in style now.
In 2011 I had been shot in a robbery and, while waiting (3 years) for disability compensation, had to move in with my parents. We were in the process of moving the furniture out of my grandmother’s when I was shot.
I insisted on keeping the cabinet, bargaining with my parents for a place to put it. Our house was crowded with furniture from several houses.
Grandma died about nine months later. By that time, I had moved the cabinet to a semi-hidden spot in the corner of the breakfast table area where it would be out of sight, out of mind, and inaccessible.
In 2014, it became a bone of contention again and my mother wanted me to throw it out and get that area cleaned out—which had accumulated lots of papers and other semi-discards. I thought about moving it to an attic through a pull-down stairs hatch but it was simply too heavy (I am still somewhat disabled from the 2011 gunshot injury).
Eventually the area is almost totally burried.
In 2017, my GF and I get an apartment together but now my parents are dependent on me, so this is my main place of residence (my time divided about 55/45). Because my GF needs furniture, I pulled this piece out of hiding. It is absolutely perfect for the apartment—the colours, the style—it quickly becomes a focal point. It looked REALLY GOOD in that apartment. My GF and I cleaned it up nicely—looks like a museum piece.
This morning, after 2–½ weeks my mother discovered it gone.
Now, hopefully some of you will see my mother’s position because that’s what I’m trying to understand.
My mother acted such a scene with her screaming and sobbing and cursing that I was really concerned about my dad’s health and survival. Neither of my parents are doing well.
My mother insists that the piece is HERS because it belonged to her mother
—and that the times she said that she wanted me to get rid of it were several years ago.
I brought it back to my parents house to keep the peace—
—but this really leaves a “void” in my GF’s apartment. It looked EXTREMELY good there and had special meaning for me.
There it sits in the mud-room / laundry area now—I just cannot put such a beautiful piece of furniture back in the dirty obscurity of where it hid for over five years. I saved this furniture from being discarded all those years ago because I saw it had potential and I would want it someday. Now Mom wants it.
Some of my friends (and I don’t have many) think my mother is right and that it is HERS because it belonged to her mother, and my mother needs that connection.
Others of my friends (again, not many) think (and maybe I agree) that my mother just doesn’t want it in the presence of my Girlfriend, who my mother has never met, doesn’t want to meet, knows little about, and absolutely hates.
My girlfriend blames me for not standing up to my mother. Although I do not want my girlfriend to have it exclusively, I feel that I should be able to enjoy it where I can see it and have access to it, because I saved it from the trash or the thrift store.
Then again, maybe my mother IS missing her mom and needs the connection…
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