General Question

generalspecific's avatar

Is it possible to fix a bad kisser?

Asked by generalspecific (1871points) August 7th, 2008

Tips, past experiences, anything?
I’ve been on a couple dates with this fellow.. and he’s pretty cool and all, but then we kissed. It was definitely not the most romantic nor pleasant experience in my life. Is a terrible kisser reason enough to call it off? It’s sort of an odd situation, not sure what I should do.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

21 Answers

lefteh's avatar

Give him tips, tell him what you want. He can’t be expected to do it right if he doesn’t know what right is.

QUEER's avatar

Practice helps.

cak's avatar

Oh…I’ve been in your shoes! My first husband was like that, when we dated. (no..not the reason for the divorce!)

I guess, after about a month, I finally said something…in a very nice way that maybe we needed to change something. I gave him some ideas and it helped. I think as long as you are nice about it, you guys can work on this, together! ;)

chutterhanban's avatar


Just kiss him more! I promise he will at least get better, because as you both kiss each other on a regular basis, he will simply begin to kiss more like you… if you think about it, that’s what being a good kisser means a lot of the time anyway. He will learn what you do and begin to do it without even realizing he’s becoming a “better” kisser. After a while, you’ll probably forget what it was like to kiss him when he wasn’t as much like you!

Keep on kissing!

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I’ve dated a few bad kissers. Honestly it never got very far. Not specifically because of the kissing, but it didn’t help. If I were you, I would not tell him he’s a bad kisser, but try to get him to “try new things” and “what if you did this?” and then (if it’s better) tell him how great it is, and continue with positive reinforcement, and he should get better.

I have to respectfully disagree that it will somehow get better on its own. I don’t know how long of a period chutter is talking about, but I’ve dated some guys for months, and it never got any better. That’s way to long to keep that kind of thing to yourself. Do what I should have done, and talk to him about it!

chutterhanban's avatar

Yeah, sorry. I shouldn’t have made it sound like that was a surefire solution. My point was that being a “good kisser” can often mean kissing like your partner and that is something that happens more as you kiss more!

susanc's avatar

I was a terrible kisser with my first boyfriend because I had read the phrase “he crushed her
lips with his own” in too many stupid romance magazines (my only reference material). So I flattened my lips out as if he were crushing them. It must have been quite curious for him. He never gave me any tips.
The next boyfriend said, “Could you push your lips out, please?” and that’s when I realized how nice that is.
So I’d say, ask for what you’d prefer. It doesn’t have to be a critique, just a nice request.

loki's avatar

kick him to the curb

Too many fish in the sea to not get a good lover, prolly wipes his ass with the back of his shirt too.

tinyfaery's avatar

If you think he’s a bad kisser it might just be that there is no chemistry between the two of you. I actually associate bad kissing with a lack of interest on my part. Kissing is something that should come easily, with passion and sincerity. I can’t tell you if this is something that can be overcome, because, honestly, I’ve never stuck around long enough to find out.

If you can’t kiss, what’s the point?

susanc's avatar

I actually absolutely agree. Nice requests be damned.

susanc's avatar

No, no, wait – I just remembered that even though I kissed that first boyfriend so ineptly, the chemistry was GREAT.
I can’t sort this out. I’m bowing out here. I should have kept my mouth shut (in this context).

strawberryxcupcake's avatar

hehe ya practise is the best i think! he have to kiss more, than he will learn it. my boyfriend was not really good too at the first time, now its really great ^^

flameboi's avatar

Next time you kiss him, tell him not to do anything, something like “feel and learn, kid…”

sndfreQ's avatar

Learning to kiss is like learning a language-It is an intimate form of communication, and the more of it happening in a new relationship, the more you two can relate to one another in terms if intimacy. Like any conversation, if the conversation isn’t resulting in a productive dialogue, adjustments need to be made.

If you want to “educate” him in a more subtle way, you can have lots of fun using imaginative “props” like candy (back in junior high I had a girlfriend that would break out cherry life savers-it was cute and a turn-on!)...and it’s a way to enjoy the feeling, connection, and “teach!”

ninjaxmarc's avatar

practice makes perfect
Go school him.

marinelife's avatar

You didn’t say what was bad.Did he shove his tongue in your mouth? Was it too wet? Did he press to hard? I think the suggestions to tell him “I really like it if you do this.” are good. What you might do is say, “Let me kiss you and show you what I love when a guy kisses me.”

Have fun!

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Hey, didn’t I read in another question that you do not even like kissing? maybe he is good but you just dont like it? hmmm. but yeah, he can get better, just have to communicate what hes doing wrong/right. as long as he is mature about it, it should be fine. it just takes awhile

generalspecific's avatar

@lkidkyle: haha.. yes, kissing is not my favorite thing in the world, but trust me, I’m not inexperienced and I know a bad kisser from a good one. this kid is bad.

@marina: not sure how to explain the badness.. just too much like a suction cup, or him trying to give a hickey on my lips. it’s just unpleasant.

& I’m all up for the practice makes perfect thing, but i don’t want to make it awkward by saying something, and i can’t just try to show him because he’s so controlling with his bad kissing. oh jeez.
@loki.. perhaps you are right. in a nicer way though.

but thanks for the input everyone.. i’ll try to mention it to him… or just wait it out. or some thing.

punkrockworld's avatar

The first kisses aren’t that great usually. Try it again and tell him how you want it. You can kinda push him in the right direction, he might have been really nervous and fucked up.

sarapnsc's avatar

I don’t think they can be fixed….I’ve tried. I had one who every time he kissed me…it felt like driving and electric screwdriver around and around real fast. I tried to get him to slow it down and not do so many u turns, but it was to no avail. Couldn’t be fixed.

I had another one who every time he kissed me, it seemed like he dumped half of Lake Erie in my mouth. I used to think he was a St. Bernard in his past life.
I was nice about it, trying to fix the problem. It didn’t work.
These two just couldn’t be taught. Maybe some are fixable, the ones I have been with, NOPE.

generalspecific's avatar

haha, the first one is sort of the problem i’m having. but we still date every once in a while and i’m still trying to fix it. last time, i think it might have gotten a little better.. or i’m just getting worse D:

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther