Is my grammar okay? (Apology letter for a lover)

Hi, English is not my native language. Here is my letter.

I didn’t want to reject you when you asked me to leave with you. I know I wouldn’t want to go back if I go with you, but of course soon I have. I was stuck. If he finds me gone, if he catches me sleeping over at someone else’s house, there would be black and blue. I don’t want to get hurt. He’s unpredictable. I’m only free when he’s not here, I don’t have to walk on eggshells.

I apologise about the self-pity and impulsivity last night.

Life feels pretty hopeless recently and I’ve been dealing with a lot of self-issues in the past few months, mostly about my self-worth. I’m unstable. I have a lot of self-loving to do. I know you don’t like people who don’t love themselves, but it’s hard to love one’s self when he’s alone. A storm is staying for a vacation, there are no silver linings yet but I hope they come soon.

You were right. Small things, big impact. I think I really missed something big. I should have followed my instincts. I wish I wasn’t so careless.

Forgive me for not coming with you. I’m sorry.

The “he” is my father. This is a letter for a soul mate. I also want to say “I hope you ask me to leave with you again” but I don’t know how to put it into words without sounding desperate.