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tinyfaery's avatar

Should my wife and I find a roommate?

Asked by tinyfaery (41974points) August 8th, 2008

Currently, we live in a small two bedroom, one bath apartment. We want to move into a house, with a yard, so we can have more room. Due to the high cost of living in L.A., renting a house is quite pricey (average $2500 for a 3 bedroom in a not so nice area). My wife’s friend is interested in splitting rent with us so that we can all have a nicer placer to live.

The woman in question is quiet, clean, responsible, and super cool. I’m sold on the idea. My wife thinks it’s weird to be married and have a roommate; she doesn’t like the idea of it not being just us anymore; This is really the only thing holding her back. I’m willing to give up some privacy for a bigger place to live, but she is apprehensive.

What would you do? Is it weird?

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21 Answers

Eureka's avatar

My personal opinion is – no. The loss of privacy is not worth the extra space. I would not call this a weird idea, however, I think you might find the results weird. Two women in one house is not a good idea, and I am female (if that matters). Stay in your little space.

jlm11f's avatar

I think that if it means you will be able to save up and perhaps live a better life later on, a roommate now shouldn’t hurt. So I don’t really think it’s that weird.

@ Eureka – there are already 2 women in the house. The roommate would be a third.

tinyfaery's avatar

Thanks PnL, I forgot to mention to the newbies I’m a woman with a wife. Oh the shock!

Does that make a difference?

jlm11f's avatar

Doesn’t make a difference to me. Does the friend/possible roommate like XX or XY? or both?

tinyfaery's avatar

She’s a newly divorced heterosexual.

marcobacin's avatar

Sounds like a recipe for a new reality TV show. 3 women, 1 house, no rules! Tuesday nights on Fox

tinyfaery's avatar

Trust me when I say, that would be one boring show. Except for maybe the cats’ play sessions—they are so cute!

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I don’t think it would be weird for you two to have a roommate, but I can also see your wife’s point of view. I relish the times when my roommate is out of town, and my boyfriend and I have the house to ourselves. If I could have that all the time I wouldn’t want to give it up…

PupnTaco's avatar

I wouldn’t.

SuperMouse's avatar

When we bought our first house we had a roommate for awhile. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. It was kind of a pain having someone I didn’t know very well around the house, but all in all it was fine. The extra money was nice because we had taken on a larger house payment. He ended up staying about six months and once we got the bugs out it was all good.

scamp's avatar

I don’t think it would be weird, but you would have to consider what you would do if it doesn’t work out. Would you and your wife be able to continue to pay for the house if the 3rd woman moves out? 3 women living together to me seems like the recipie for an eventual cat fight. If your wife isn’t completely sold on the idea, I wouldn’t push it. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

I would say don’t do it. I mean, have you ever had a room mate before? lol they are kind of a pain in the ass. I mean sure its cool you can afford a bigger place and stuff. But you will get into an arguement sooner or later, thats just the way it is. And what if your wife takes her side? whoa that is not gonna make you feel good. Or how is your room mate gonna feel when 2 people consitantly team up on her? you may not have a room mate for long.
Also, it sounds like you are trying to live outside of your means…. I mean you shouldn’t rely on a room mate to afford a bigger place. What do you need 3 bedrooms for? What do you even need 2 bedrooms for unless you have a kid. If you can’t afford the place you want now, just save your money up until you can… The last thing you want to do is get into a situation where the room mate bails and you cant afford it, then what?
Also consider this, if things do go bad with the room mate, that could cause some serious tension with your marriage too. Just the stress of the situation. Soo yeah its prooobably a bad idea. And your wife is right, its kinda strange.

tinyfaery's avatar

I am not living outside my means. I can afford a 2 bedroom house, but I need more room. I have 5 cats, and a lot of stuff. Plus, I want a yard.

The wife and I never fight; we work out our problems very effectively. Plus, we are partners, a team, she would never side against me even if I was wrong. She’d tell me if I was wrong, but she’d never take another’s side.

And if the roomy moved out, we’d be able to afford it, it would just mean that we couldn’t afford other things. Plus, we can always move.

cheebdragon's avatar

IF you or your wife are perticular about anything (cleaning, loud music, guys over, morning routines) I would not recomend a roomate…

Eureka's avatar

Well, once again – I assumed. forgive me! however, I still don’t think it is a good idea. You and your wife will be giving up privacy, and your wife has already expressed reservations about the idea. This women is your wife’s friend, yet wife is a bit worried about it disrupting your marriage. Still have to say that I honestly believe you will regret the loss of privacy. You say that you and your wife never fight, and she would always take your side- souunds like you have a great thing going here. I guess you will just have to weigh how much room you really need.

marinelife's avatar

It depends on you. Think back to other roommate situations you have had in that past, college, etc. Did they work well? Did your wife’s work well?

Talk openly first with other, and then with the potential roomie. House rules. Her schedule. Your schedules. In some roommate situations there is not that mch pivacy loss. Roommates come and go. They don’t eat with you. Are there some rooms she does not have access to?

I think if your mate cannot get comfortable with the idea, though, you should not force it.

emilyrose's avatar

A good friend of mine is married and has two housemates. They live in san francisco so it is much easier to afford a nice place. It seems to have worked out with them so far. it depends on the personality of each individual in the pair. You could always try it for a set trial period. just have open communication. What are her fears?? Are you guys used to running around naked and doing it wherever you please? I see how it might be hard to give up privacy. I think it would be good to find a roommate who is very busy so you still get a lot of time at home alone.

Knotmyday's avatar

Roommates = Bad news. I’m on your SO’s side. Privacy is a pretty precious commodity.

JackAdams's avatar

If one half of a couple is uneasy with the idea, then you shouldn’t have a roommate.

Only when both of you are enthusiastic about the idea, should a roommate be added.

Just make sure that if she’s female, she’s bisexual.

August 23, 2008, 5:07 AM EDT

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Jack, I don’t think you have a very good understanding of Tiny’s personal life…maybe you should read the other answers to the question…

JackAdams's avatar

Thanks for the comments.

I’ll take them under advisement.

August 23, 2008, 3:39 PM EDT

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