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JeSuisRickSpringfield's avatar

What do you think about non-monogamous relationships (see details)?

Asked by JeSuisRickSpringfield (6715points) March 5th, 2017

I’m not just asking about whether you would ever be one (though feel free to answer that question). I’m also wondering what you think about other people who are in consensually non-monogamous relationships of various kinds. And I don’t just mean people who haven’t decided to commit to one another yet. I am including longterm relationships that have various degrees of non-monogamy built into them (open marriages, polyamory, and all of that).

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22 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

If all of the participants can handle it, why not?

Mariah's avatar

Their business, not mine. If it works for them and they like the arrangement, awesome. I wouldn’t be interested in doing it myself.

lynfromnm's avatar

Mutually consenting adults are free to do what they want. It may get complicated by unexpected emotional reactions, so people need to feel free to opt out of non-monogamous relationships, too.

jca's avatar

I feel like whatever suits the people involved is the way for them to go. If it works, great.

elbanditoroso's avatar

it’s not for me to say. If it works for them, then have at it.

stanleybmanly's avatar

From a personal perspective, the most stressful, nerve wracking experience in my life involved the several months through which I attempted to juggle 2 women at once. Nothing before or since can compete with the ensuing very predictable resulting unhappiness.

chyna's avatar

It’s not something I would be interested in, but if it’s something others want to do, it’s okay.

Cruiser's avatar

They have my pity….maybe not.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I think it was called swinging. Back in the day. As long as they are consenting adults who don’t have a std then it’s fine with me. Hopefully no offspring cones from this maury talk show mess.

Strauss's avatar

I was in an “open” relationship back in the mid-1970s. It was monogamous in the sense that we were living together, and emotionally committed to each other. We also had some common goals, which we pursued together, ans supported each other in individual pursuit.

We also agreed early on that either one could, if desired, “hook up” with someone else, as long as there was open communication between the two of us about the other person or persons.

It happened a few times in the few years we were together, and it happened within the boundaries we had agreed upon. It was an exciting aspect of the relationship, and it wasn’t a factor in our eventual amicable breakup. This happened before it was called swinging. We referred to it as an “open relationship”

Would I do it today? My relationship with my wife is strictly monogamous, and by definition would not support such things.

If something ever happened, would or could I enjoy that type of relationship? Probably, but I’m not the person I was 40 years ago, physically emotionally or mentally, so that answer is:I don’t know.”

Berserker's avatar

Do what you want, I’m cool with it, and I don’t care anyway. If they hurt themselves, their problem. In their defense, monogamous couples hurt themselves too, all the time. Morally speaking I see no difference. As for me I want no one in my life, monogamous or otherwise.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
johnpowell's avatar

I couldn’t do it. But if you can handle it I don’t care. I’m more concerned about if you know what sudo apt-get install fail2ban is.

Coloma's avatar

Whatever floats your boat but personally, I’ve found one relationship to be more than I can handle let alone multiple flings. Gawd…just think of all the fucking need for communication, I’m exhausted just thinking abut it. haha

MrGrimm888's avatar

I would be fine allowing my significant other to have outside relationships with other females, or bring them to join us. But not OK with her being with other men.

When I was younger, I had a bisexual girlfriend, who had sex with her female friend,and me. Unfortunately, not at the same time. But I was more than OK with it.

As far as others,none of my business. But it’s probably a risky situation. As STD’s are rampant.

ucme's avatar

Ironically, my thoughts echo their lifestyle choice, what do I think?
Fuck all

Unofficial_Member's avatar

I think it’s a good way to express your sexual freedom without any guilt, as well as not to be bothered by society’s standard of having a monogamous relationship (monogamy is overrated anyway). I’ve been in to this situation myself and I can say that the degree of responsibility toward another person in this relationship is not high, which is agreeable by all parties involved, meaning that you don’t have to deal with how annoying they are, you can simply go to another partner without any consequences. No drama, you enjoy what you like and avoid what you dislike.

BellaB's avatar

I think the sexually open relationships are the easy ones. The ones that seem to be more difficult/complicated/problematic are the ones where there are full relationships with multiple people. Sexual monogamy doesn’t hold a lot of value for me, but I can see where including more people in decision-making etc could be too much. Working through things with two people is hard enough, add more and the compromising would be endless (or so it seems when people describe their experience of polyamory).

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

There have been “Swingers” Clubs popping up all over the Caribbean in the past ten years. It’s quite mainstream now. I noticed that there are four clubs of varying luxury in my home county of Pinellas, Florida. They all have websites and openly invite people new to the life who are curious to have a safe first experience. It looks to me like sexual monogamy is quickly becoming a thing of the past. But that is not to say this means that intimate emotional commitment is going out of fashion.

I spent all of last November as the in-house charter boat captain in a hotel that caters exclusively to the Swinging lifestyle, primarily hetero action, but bi and gay was acceptable as well. There are plenty of hotels that cater to every proclivity and fetish, and birds of a feather tend to flock together.

The women were just as aggressive as the men in choosing a partner or partners for an evening—even more so because a male acting too aggressively toward females in this environment will be asked to leave very quickly. Newbee males to swinging often make this mistake, especially the young, impatient ones. The lifestyle has it’s peculiar etiquette. For safety reasons, females have a lot more latitude in calling the shots. This is why many Swinger clubs accept only couples and single females. If a male wants in bad enough, he can find himself an agreeable female as a date, then split into the crowd after arrival. That is acceptable and keeps the place from filling up with horny males and prevents the inevitable violence that can result with the mixture of alcohol and competition for a short supply of female partners. The environment must be kept safe for women to relax and pursue their sexual fantasies. That is key to success.

I saw a lot of very nice people having a good time in such a way that is not acceptable at other hotels. I don’t like the term Swingers. It reminds me of the dialogue in some rat pack movie where Frank Sinatra, scotch in hand, slaps Sammy Davis, Jr. on the back and states loudly, “This guy’s a real SWINGER!” (Wink-wink, nod-nod). It’s so old school Vegas. I prefer libertine. Besides, swinging can also imply swingers swing both ways, which is not always the case, especially with Americans. From what I’ve seen, threesomes usually involve two males concentrating their efforts upon one female, or vice-versa, and is usually basically hetero in intention, not bi. Dogpiling occurs as well, but that is rarer and happens later into the night.

There didn’t seem to be much concern as to body types and age. Preferences were more dependent upon ability and reputation. It’s all very physical, although the night starts out with people conversing over drinks or shooting pool, or sitting in the hot tub getting to know each other. Sexual entertainment gets things going: Olympian sex acts performed by talented, well-endowed professionals on the stage, autofellatio or autocunnilingus on the bar by remarkably limber individuals. I assume they were practitioners of yoga.

Late in the night, to keep things going, there are various contests guided by an MC or DJ, such as asking the audience if anyone would like to experience their deepest sexual fantasy, then have others provide it for them on the stage. Then were contests. Both male and female members would be asked to line up on stage in masturbation contests, a couple would be asked to perform their most creative coupling, a line of women would sit upon the bar for the cunnilingus contest performed by random willing men, then the partners would switch and the men would have their turn.

The reason I don’t think intimate emotional commitment is becoming passé is that following many of these club nights, which involved very interesting entertainments, club music, alcohol, weed and a few instances of party drugs mostly among the under-forty-somethings. There were a few instances of drama, especially among the women after too much alcohol, which involved some personal insults, some yelling back and forth, and the rare instance of an actual knock-down, drag out fight—a catfight, complete with scratching, biting, the pulling of hair—around the pool the next day.

The worst disputes were about claims on a specific man or woman, but mostly, I think, the two just didn’t like each other’s behaviour or style the night before. Etiquette. I thought the jealousy thing quite ironic as it doesn’t seem consistent with the philosophy. Why put yourself in this position if you succumb to jealousy and possession? They may have been new to the life and had got themselves into something deeper than they originally thought. But there was certainly a lot more drama than at other hotels. I really don’t think drama can be avoided in this lifestyle as it is about pushing limitations, new sexual frontiers and crossing previously taboo lines. It would be nice if people could pursue this life without drama, but I’m not convinced we are that evolved as yet. We may be anthropologically hard-wired for possession and this may be fighting our own nature. Thus we pay an emotional price.

This life obviously isn’t for everyone. Interestingly, men rarely got into these types of disputes. There is not a quicker way to be removed from the property.

I saw things I’d never believed possible – and at 64, that is quite a statement. Most memorably, I saw a woman kept at the highest peak of screaming orgasm for over two hours then, when the final release came, she went into what appeared to me as a protracted grand mal seizure, then she was semi-comatose for about an hour. They called it being “cum drunk,” which was the desired objective for a woman at this club. She was completely out of it for the rest of the night.

But with the “Swinging” lifestyle now out in the light of day and growing at a phenomenal rate, don’t be surprised if one of your oldest friends approaches you in the future with an invitation to join them for a weekend at one of these resorts. I believe it is coming to a neighborhood near you, if they haven’t already arrived.

It was an extremely interesting study in human behavior.

Dixon's avatar

I don’t think about these relationships because I don’t care what people do in their bedrooms, but it’s nothing I would do myself.

is that answer more helpful? Are we supposed to write out long answers? My original response was “I don’t” because I actually don’t think about these types of relationships. I answered the OP.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Becca543's avatar

What do I think about other people’s non-monogamous relationships?
I honestly think they should just stay single, live separately, be friends and fuck every once in a while and then go their separate ways until they find the right person that satisfies them completely.
Why be in a “relationship” with someone who’s fucking other people?
If it’s a real relationship with feelings and respect and intimacy doesn’t it hurt to know that your partner is intimate with someone else?

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