When someone is determined to think the worst of you, how do you handle it?

Minimize contact as much as possible.

If only that were possible, @janbb…but I’m trying to as much as I can.

This is really very simple, their problem…end of

Is it someone in a work situation who has power over you? That would make it less simple.

In the real world, I don’t think many people who care are like this. If they truly don’t care, then why do they have a say in how you handle anything? Continue with who you want to be and that includes how you deal with them, and this situation. If you want to be kind, be kind to them. If you want to be tough, be tough with them. It’s on you.

You don’t have to prove them wrong, you don’t have to go out of your way, you just have to be someone that you’re happy with and their judgement doesn’t matter any more.

Disengage but take no shit. If this person is telling lies or damaging your reputation, take a stand.

Well…the hardest part is being able to be brutally honest with yourself and determine if there is any basis for their dislike.
Most people are not just going to dislike you without some good reason. If you are sure there is no rational reason or incident that has caused the person to take a dislike to you then you just have to let it go, trust in yourself as you are not going to change anyone. Some people are just bad for other people, period, a clash of personalities.

I know that I automatically dismiss anyone that displays bossy, pushy, know it all, manipulative or passive aggressive behaviors. I also do not tolerate moody people that are unpredictable in how they show up. I don’t like those personality traits and if I observe them in others over a period of time I keep my distance. Those are good enough reasons for me to blacklist someone and I am certainly not “wrong” even if they would argue into infinity as to why I am wrong about them.

I dumped a highly manipulative friend some years ago and she was very invested in telling me how “wrong” I was about her inspite of her glaringly obvious manipulations of which I could accurately list.
Nope, actions speak louder than words and if you can’t own your shit it’s not my job to convince you why I’m giving you the axe.

Simple.
If they’re right, either accept the truth as it is and move on, or change the flaws they’ve pointed out to you.
If they’re wrong, ignore it. Their problem.
Either way, there is zero reason to be stressed about being loved or hated by someone; they either have the reason to or have nothing else to do.

For me, my answers would vary depending on the circumstances.

Yes, it is somebody at work, @janbb and @ucme, so I can’t just avoid them. Thanks, @funkdaddy…I have been trying to tell myself this since yesterday. I have rather low self-esteem, and I have to guard against someone making me start to believe all the negativity about myself. Sounds crazy, I know.

@Sneki95 Yep, well said in about 200 words less than I. haha

If it’s someone at work it is a little different especially if they supervise you. You can decide o change the behavior they object to or you can continue to be yourself and face the consequences if there are any. Or if they are truly being unfair in their judgment of you and your work you can grieve with a union representative or superior.

Your question contains my answer to this type of situation.

“Some people are determined to believe what they want to believe, and there is no changing their mind”

The fact this is a work related issue shouldn’t be allowed to distract you from what need’s to be done.
Live up to your own expectations, that is all anyone can do & this person will be left to accept their issue with you, not the other way around.

Let them. Don’t you see; it doesn’t change anything! Kill me. Torture me… it doesn’t matter. You’ve already lost, Major. You can never undo what I’ve accomplished. The dead will still be dead!

It depends.

Sometimes I see their point, and try to make a change in myself, but usually that person is a piece of crap, insecure, idiot. They make themselves feel better by making others feel bad. Mean girls! I used to try to demonstrate they are wrong about me, but now I quickly move to being apathetic about them. My first inclination is almost to like people, want to be helpful, and to assume they are the same. When they prove they aren’t, screw ‘em. Apathy is incredibly freeing. It took me years to figure it out.

All you have to do is be you, and don’t let mean people make you feel badly. Seek out the people who want to spend time with you, forget the ones you don’t mesh with you.

@JLeslie Yep, standing ovation, haha! My rule is that if I feel a sense of impending dread when I have to be around someone that’s a big clue they are not good for me. The few I have to engage with I just keep it super light and vanilla.

When I’ve dealt with shitty people in the past, I give them the silent treatment. Only speaking to them if spoken to, and trying to focus on the tasks at hand.

Sometimes though, if someone is being a jerk for no reason, you have to stick up for yourself. Something like “you’re making this a very negative work environment for me.”

If it’s a supervisor, go over their head,if they don’t stop. Talk to HR,if your job has that,or maybe someone over that person could arrange a meeting with the two of you,and try to find a way to get over the whatever issues you have.

Some people are real losers. They may understand that they are getting to you, and get some sadistic thrill from hurting your feelings. That’s not ok.

@Lonelyheart807 – excuse a little story… it might fit and hopefully will help

A couple of years ago I had a company I did work for who I often met with in person. They had one manager who, for his own reasons, did not like me or how I handled things. Our expertise overlapped and I think he had the project before they decided to hire someone outside to do it. I think we got sideways early on when he thought I showed him up. That wasn’t my intent, and so he tried to consistently return the favor. I think I’ve shared here before how he’d call me out in meetings so often that I’d just have to continue with what I was saying after a few tries to answer his issues with the plan, or work, or whatever step was in front of us.

The project lead changed positions in the company halfway through, and this guy volunteered to be my new contact that I would run all communications through. We met with the whole team to go over roles, I said I looked forward to working with them, and him.

When I got back to my office I had an email waiting for me from my new contact. He basically said things were going to have to change and if I thought I was going to get away with the way I’d been treating him, he was going to make sure that didn’t happen. He “was in charge now”. It was pretty threatening overall. This company accounted for about a quarter of my work that year, and we still had a long way to go.

I wasn’t going to change his mind, so I just kept the focus of my responses, including that one, consistently on the work that needed to be done and out of the personal things he would throw out. He kept coming and finally delayed payment on an invoice and required me to go over it line by line explaining each item while he made a show of not paying attention, in front of his team.

That wasn’t going to work. We stopped work, got that invoice paid, and didn’t work on the project again after that. So I lost that client, it was scary to give up a large amount of money that I needed for bills and babies. But I ended up getting hired by two of the people on his team for other work. Part of the reason was how I dealt with him.

I think everyone can relate to having a boss who’s expectations don’t make any sense. It sucks, there’s no good that comes of it in the moment. But it really can help you define how you want to deal with people who do not have your best interests in mind. That can be really freeing going forward, but you have to be happy with how you handled yourself.

Maybe this person in your life is no different. Can you decide how you want to handle them, control the things you can, and stick to your values? Does that fit here? If so, maybe give it a try and don’t worry what they think of you beyond deciding your response. What they think is not in your control and there may not be a solution there.

I don’t let it bother me thoughI try to avoid contact with the other person. I don’t try to change their opinion and I just go on as before.

I feel guilty and burden myself until I get to the breaking point , and then I lash out.

@Lonelyheart807 We would never worry about what others think of us IF only we knew how seldom they did!

If it’s bothering you, why don’t you ask the person why they seem to have a bad opinion of you?

How do you know they think the worst of you, @Lonelyheart807? Did they say it? Did someone else tell you?

@Lonelyheart807 One more thing. “What you think of me is none of my business.”

I do try convince them otherwise if i get the chance to of course.. people make assumptions about me all the time which are wrong but i believe if someone thinks something strongly it can be very hard to get them to change there mind… but people who im close to know these things that people could assume are not true and in reality thats all that matters :)