Social Question

Dutchess_III's avatar

What would you do if someone you didn't know went out of their way to buy you prepared food that you didn't want?

Asked by Dutchess_III (35441points) March 20th, 2017

I have a friend who has a booth at the Flea Market on the weekends. She just posted this on her status. A guy showed up at her booth yesterday and they chatted.

A while later he came back with a burger and fries and water from the little cafe they have there and said, “Here. I brought you some lunch because you’re so nice!” She had bought a fruit cup earlier that was her lunch.
She thanked him but told that guy that she was ”...avoiding that kind of food. (That day anyway).... I did tell him I’d take the water… I felt so awkward!!!”

I know she eats “that kind of food” on other days. Is that what you would have done? I would have offered to split the food with him and explain I can’t eat that much in one setting! (Which is true.) Then I’d eat as much of my half as I could.

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63 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

She did the right polite thing.

If you are not starving or indigent to the point of panhandling for food, then you don’t have to eat something you did not ask for.

He was nice, but he does not know of her food preferences of medical necessities. If you are diabetic and someone buys you an ice cream cone, you don’t have to eat it.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Right. But you could just tell them you’re diabetic. And she does eat burgers and fries! I’ve been with her. She’s constantly on-again off-again dieting. Note she said, “Not on this day, anyway.” I agree, it was probably the wrong thing for the guy to do. But if you could eat some of it, shouldn’t you?

Coloma's avatar

I’d just have taken the food happily and said “Thank You.” Man, people make such a BFD out of everything, to the point where she felt this merited sharing on FB? Haha
Whatever.
Just because you accept a burger from someone doesn’t mean you want to date them or become best friends. I think she over reacted. It was just a nice, impulsive gesture IMO.

jca's avatar

If I didn’t want it, I’d take it and put it aside and say I’m going to eat it later.

If I were diabetic, I would say “I wish I could eat that but I can’t because I’m diabetic.” That signals him that he shouldn’t buy you that stuff in the future. Also, maybe he’d want to keep it and eat it himself if I said I were diabetic and couldn’t eat it.

I don’t think I just wouldn’t accept it. If someone gave me a Christmas present and I didn’t want a Christmas present, I wouldn’t say “I don’t want this.” I’d say “thank you so much.” I think of this food offer as the same thing.

Darth_Algar's avatar

I would have declined it. It was incredibly presumptuous on his part. Plus god knows how he might have reacted if she, after taking the offered food, did not accept further offers or invitations on his part. People often take such things as an indication that you’re interested in more.

imrainmaker's avatar

I would avoid taking anything from strangers especially food items with whom I have just met sometime back. I think she did the right thing.

chyna's avatar

As a person that goes to craft shows with my jewelry, I understand that booth people may sit there at their booth for hours without a chance to eat or go to the bathroom. I think this guy must understand this also, and was trying to be nice. But I would not take food or drink from a stranger.

Coloma's avatar

But…she took the water. Now what food item would be most likely to be tampered with or drugged if that’s a concern.
Kinda hard to drug a burger but a cup f water easy. I’m sorry, no offense to anyone, I’m in a bit of a mood today, but..I think you’re all paranoid. lol
I’d love it it someone brought me a yummy burger. haha

cookieman's avatar

I would have slept with him.

Coloma's avatar

@cookieman LOL..yeah, I’d sleep with someone for a juicy burger and if they brought me cookies too..well, orgy. haha

JLeslie's avatar

It would depend on the vibe of my interaction with him. If I had no interest in him, and got the feeling he was coming on to me, I’d be uncomfortable taking the food, because I don’t want to lead him on.

If it all seemed like just a nice thing to do, I’d say thank you and accept the gift.

Presuming what food someone will like is odd to me. I’d prefer to be asked what I want.

Patty_Melt's avatar

If he really wanted to do her a good turn, he would have asked first what she would like.

Every craft show I have been to there were industrious little scamps around you could hire cheap to be food runners.

I would take neither food nor drink from a stranger. And, it is easy to taint a sandwhich or fries as it is a beverage.

This particular case, the man probably was just as he seemed, but I have too many alternatives to mess around with taking chances.

imrainmaker's avatar

@Coloma – i didn’t realize she took water from him..I was talking from contamination angle only. It may sound little paranoid but its always good to be safe than sorry. And you’re brave gal…no doubt about that..)

anniereborn's avatar

I would thank him but tell him I am a vegetarian, which I am.

Darth_Algar's avatar

@Coloma

Nobody said anything about the food being drugged/ tampered with, only you did.

mhd14's avatar

Well it was a good choice. In first meeting if someone offers you food, it’s better to reject it even if you are starving. Go get yourself the food.
The food might be tempered and you don’t know his/her intentions.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I think it would depend on the vibe, too. It sounds like a nice gesture to me, assuming he wasn’t being flirty in an unwanted way or pushy.

mhd14's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf it depends upon yourself, how you react?

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

It would depend on the overall feel of the interaction, yes.

johnpowell's avatar

I would never eat random food from a stranger. I don’t even eat my mom’s cooking.

I would have probably just said that I just ate and will save it for later. And then I would find a homeless person to give it to.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I would have said “thank you, I just ate. I’ll save this for later – unless you want it now.”
I’d probably not eat it. I prefer to be responsible for my own food intake.

I think the guy was just being nice – and might be interested in her.

JLeslie's avatar

@Darth_Algar I think that what you’re missing is women are trained not to consume anything that hasn’t been in their possession, or the possession of someone they trust, the entire time since purchasing it.

In this particular situation I wasn’t worried about it, but anyone women who is I wouldn’t fault.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Agreed. Women would be wise to at least consider that something is going on with the food. Not just drugs. The guy could have ejaculated on the burger,or something.

Always be wary of strangers bearing gifts.

People bring me food sometimes,that I don’t know well. I usually take it,and say I’ll eat it later. Then usually throw it out.

Coloma's avatar

@Darth_Algar Well…almost everyone has said they wouldn’t take food from a stranger so, clearly, that implies a concern the food could be drugged or poisoned or suspect to some other unsavory intention.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Darth_Algar as women we are well aware of what unsolicited gifts can mean, but, as women, we can also sense intentions of the giver, as @JLeslie mentioned.
We went to HS together in the 70’s, so for women our age getting hit on in such a way is rare now a days. I did tease her and say, “Geez girlfriend! Used to be flowers and candy and a mixed drink! Now it’s burgers and fries and water! You gonna sleep with him now? I mean who can resist a burger and fries for getting in the mood!”

I thought someone above mentioned something about tampering with the food too, before you did @Coloma. But I think it was very unlikely. She was not in a dark, crowded bar where most of the people were drunk or on their way to drunk, and someone on drugs would hardly be noticed. She was surrounded by sober people who knew her well. She’s had that booth for a couple of years now.

As someone said above, you can wind up in that booth for hours without having a chance to take a break. I think that was more his motivation than anything. Just random kindness. I think I would have accepted it and ate a fry or two, then set it aside “for later.”
I think we’re so damned intent on “telling it like it is,” like that’s a banner of pride to be flown, that we forget that common manners often calls for doing just the opposite.

JLeslie's avatar

^^We went to high school together? Did you mean me? I went to high school in the 80’s with @Auggie. Not that it makes any difference.

Dutchess_III's avatar

No. I meant the person who made the original FB post.

BellaB's avatar

I’d likely say thank you and eat the food. Fresh hot burger and fries at a craft fair? I’m into that.

If I was still a vegetarian, I’d say thank you, I’m a vegetarian so you’ll have to enjoy that burger but I’d love those fries. Thank you.

I’m pretty much about any food I didn’t have to prepare myself unless it’s something fussy I wouldn’t like (or something I’m allergic to – shrimp etc).

Coloma's avatar

@Dutchess_III Yes, agreed, a friendly gesture at a flea market where the person just decided to bring someone a burger to be nice is not the same as taking food or drink from some stranger in a bar that may have unsavory intentions. I just think the level of paranoia these days and the automatic tendency to be suspicious of everyone is sad. I am also sensitive to this topic because I know a lot of extremely paranoid types and they drive me insane. Recently someone I know didn’t want to email me their garage door code for house sitting because they are a paranoid type.

Really…do you really think someone is going to hack your email get your garage code and then what…somehow find your house and rob you? Pfft! Being cautious is one thing but paranoia is quite another. What would this person have had to gain by giving this women a drugged burger in broad daylight, was he going to rape her in her booth in the middle of a flea market at 2 o’ clock in the afternoon? Highly doubtful. haha

Darth_Algar's avatar

It might be a friendly gesture, but it’s also an inappropriate one. The woman is at work. It’s not a social occasion. Someone who doesn’t understand or doesn’t respect that boundary isn’t going to stop at a simply offering of food.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, it’s a booth at a flea market. It’s pretty social. Very relaxed. It’s not like she has co-workers or bosses. Perhaps she had made a comment earlier that she was hungry and hadn’t had a chance to get something. I don’t know though.
But I do agree, buying someone food when you don’t know what their preferences are was a bad call. Should have offered first, then asked.

JLeslie's avatar

When I first read this I just figured it’s like when someone buys someone a cup of coffee. They just show up with it as a kind gesture. So, I don’t think it’s so weird, but I think when men do it for women it’s usually because they want to ask you out eventually.

I don’t drink coffee, so that would be wasted on me. Not that it matters.

Darth_Algar's avatar

@Dutchess_III

Well yeah, it’s “social” in that being friendly is good salemanship. Not many people buy from the aloof bastard who barely looks up (speaking from first hand experience). It is not really a social occasion though. It’s business.

jca's avatar

Yeah it’s business but it’s a very casual atmosphere. It’s not unusual to find people working at flea markets or farmer’s markets to have a friend standing there with them (or sitting with them), hanging out, keeping them company. If I brought a friend to the office to hang out and keep me company, it may or may not fly with the boss if it lasted more than say, an hour.

Dutchess_III's avatar

We used to set up at the fair when we had the shop. At about 9 the partners came out and people interested in buying mowers had gone home. We were still ‘working’ but we broke out the vodka and Gatorade about then! Couldn’t do that at a regular job.

anniereborn's avatar

@Dutchess_III Vodka and Gatorade? UGH

Dutchess_III's avatar

LOL! I know, right? It was what the liquor store recommended since you can’t smell it! It was the middle of summer, 110 temps during the day, not cooling off much at night, sweating constantly so we stocked up on Gatorade. I mean we chugged that stuff. That and lemon aid. Chug chug, all day long. Which leads me into a funny story.
We got our pint of vodka and I drank most of a larger size bottle of blue Gatorade, leaving just enough to color the the vodka when I poured it in to use as a mixer. We didn’t want to be obviously mixing drinks in front of everyone.
It was getting dark. Rick had spent the last 30 minutes talking to a potential customer, the last of the day. He finished and came back to our tent, sweating. He plopped in the camp chair, tossed open the cooler and grabbed the mixer and just started chugging. “How rude!” I thought and looked away in disgust.
I looked back literally 5 seconds later and burst out laughing. The bottle was completely empty and Rick was frozen, like a statue, eyes wide as saucers, holding that bottle a couple of inches from his mouth where it had been when it hit him!
I squeaked, “There was a pint of vodka in that, Rick!”
“No. Shit.” he gasped, in a choked voice, stunned “A five alarm fire just ran down my throat. I think I’m dying. Maybe.”
OMG I never laughed so hard! He didn’t realize he’d grabbed the mixer, and not simple Gatorade! Fortunately he holds his liquor well, so if you didn’t know him you couldn’t tell he was completely shit faced in under 3 minutes! Plus he didn’t try to stand up for a long time. He just got so funny!
We had gotten into an argument over something the day before, at the Fair. Tempers can run short in that kind of heat. He’d really pissed me off. He brought that up and I said, “It wasn’t funny!”
He said, “Ggg..id izz now!!” and he snapped off the “now” like a dog snapping at a bone and just laughed and laughed! I did too.
“Tode ya it wuzzz funny now!” and tossed his head.
“Just shut up!” I said, laughing. “It was not!”
“Yip wuz!”
After a couple of hours he was able to stand and walk to the car. I drove home since I was stone cold sober, but not by choice. Pig.

Darth_Algar's avatar

Why do I get the feeling that the point has completely sailed over some heads?

Dutchess_III's avatar

We were done discussing.

Coloma's avatar

There is no “point.”
The only “point” is the individuals perception of the deed. Some peoples perception is that it was nothing more than a nice gesture and would gladly enjy eating the damn burger. Others take the uber cautious approach and feel somehow threatened by a gesture of offering food. Each to his own, that’s the point. haha

Darth_Algar's avatar

Threatened? No. If you take a discussion on the idea of boundaries as feeling “threatened” then perhaps you are the paranoid one.

Coloma's avatar

@Darth_Algar Meh…boundaries are important but someone giving you a burger because they are simply being nice is a non-issue IMO. It’s all about circumstance.
Middle of a craft faire, middle of the day, sun out, birds singing, people everywhere, not like some slimy creep trying to force you into drinking a drink in a bar that you didn’t order. Sorry, people are too paranoid a lot of the time.

A sad fact of the times, clearly.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It depends on what they bring you, where you are, and under what circumstances they brought it to you @Darth_Algar. If a stranger walked over to me in a bar, with a drink in his hand and offered it to me I would decline.
And, for women, there is always the concern of what the guy “expects” in return.

anniereborn's avatar

@Coloma Yeh, nothing vile every happens in daylight.

Dutchess_III's avatar

You aren’t likely to be raped in the middle of the flea market! Maybe in the bathroom.

anniereborn's avatar

@Dutchess_III You might be groped though.

Darth_Algar's avatar

@Coloma

Again, no one, other than you, brought up creeps, or anybody forcing anyone. Not sure why you keep harping on some point that no one made.

Coloma's avatar

@anniereborn That’s not what I am saying. It is a “possibility VS. Probability” scenario.
It’s possible, but not probable. An open air booth at a craft show with people all around is hardly the preferential target spot of a rapist or murderer. All I am conveying is that situations need to be evaluated n a case by case basis and there is no one size fits all.

Not everyone, infact, most likely, an extremely small number of people that offer someone a burger are going to put a razor blade in it or poison it or drug it so they can rape them in broad daylight in a craft booth.
Think Halloween horror stories, they can happen, they have happened, but like Mountain Lion attacks they are confined to a couple in like a century. When’s the last time you saw a headline stating that a fiendish burger killer is on the loose giving unsuspecting women at craft fairs tainted burgers. haha

Coloma's avatar

@Darth_Algar Becasue the underlying insinuation is that taking food from strangers poses danger. What else would be the concern other than fear of a fouled food item.

Darth_Algar's avatar

Oh for the love of fuck…

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yeah, you could be groped, anywhere. It’s not pleasant but it certainly isn’t rape.

Coloma's avatar

@Darth_Algar Oh come on, I’m not speaking Polish here, I pose a valid point. Hey, someone has to play devils advocate.

Coloma's avatar

Okay…lets refocus.

Taking a burger from a stranger on a dark street in a crack infested part of town at midnight, probably not a good idea.
Accepting a burger from a friendly person at a craft fair,in broad daylight in a high visibility area most likely not an issue, how hard is this to compute.
It;s not like we’re talking about a 4 year old taking candy from a stranger who claims they lost their puppy. lol

Dutchess_III's avatar

I asked the question wondering if her refusal was a bit rude, not whether anyone thought it would be dangerous. I don’t think it was a dangerous situation and neither did she. However, as some have mentioned he really shouldn’t have done it without asking her for some input as to what she likes. In this case, she simply wasn’t eating “that kind of food that day.” Some suggested accepting it and offering to split it with him, or setting it aside “for later.”

cookieman's avatar

Oh for the love of fuckā€¦

Speaking of which, I still would have slept with him.

Coloma's avatar

@cookieman haha…we’re cut from the same cloth. I always joke that I’d get in a car with a stranger if they offered me a cheesecake. lol

Dutchess_III's avatar

Cheese cake is a different story!

BellaB's avatar

I’d follow him home if they were freshly made honey-dip donuts.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Caramel iced donuts! Guys have been doing it wrong all of these years!

BellaB's avatar

I’d much rather get fresh (really fresh, home-made, not chain) donuts to share than be taken out for a posh meal.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I only know how to make homemade donuts one way and it’s cheating, I think, so I won’t share.

cookieman's avatar

@Coloma: For homemade cookies I’d put gas in the tank too.

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