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Dutchess_III's avatar

What emotions would you have had in this situation?

Asked by Dutchess_III (37977points) April 4th, 2017

We are in the process of selling our Mountaineer to a 43 year old young woman we know well. IMO, she isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, and she always wants to be the center of attention, usually by being crude and loud, but it is what it is.
She finished up all the financing and brought the payoff check to us to mail to our credit union.
Then my husband thought it would be a good idea for her to test drive the vehicle with us, so we can give her tips and pointers.
I hesitated because I’d ridden with her many, many years ago and her lack of forethought damn near got us killed. Long story short, she was hurtling down a narrow, unmarked country road that she’d never driven before. There were no street lights, and it was pitch dark. She was doing at least 70, and the speed limit was 55. Suddenly there was a sign that warned, “Caution! Bump! 40 mph.”
She never saw it, didn’t have time to see it, much less react, and before I could say anything she ramped the railroad tracks, literally went air borne and we damn near rolled.
I snapped, “Mary! You do NOT drive like a bat out of hell, in the dark, on a street you don’t know!!!”
She kind of giggled nervously.
Fast forward. Rick wanted me to go on this test drive. I hesitated, but thought…we’re not even leaving town. What could go wrong?
They’re in the front, I’m in the back. She’d fly up to stop signs, then suddenly slam on the brakes. When it was time to go she’d just PUNCH it. I mean, this is in a residential area!
At one point, as she slammed to a stop at a stop sign, I laughed nervously and said, “You drive just like Rick!”
She “giggled,” then said, “You mean like this???!!” She was turning right and she just punched it around the corner as hard as she could. She doesn’t even know the f*****g vehicle or how a top heavy SUV is different from driving the passenger car she’s used to! She almost lost it, wildly over correcting, and almost plowed into a line of parked cars along the road.
I got pissed, and snarled, ”STOP IT!!” Not only was it dangerous, but it was not her car yet.
She giggled nervously. A little further on, with the slamming on the brakes, and the punching it, and just generally not paying attention, her cell phone rang.
She grabbed it and I said, “I swear, if you answer that phone and keep driving I’ll get out and walk home!”
She just said, like a bratty teenager, “Whatever,” and blew me off.
I finally decided to just shut up and pray that we get home in one piece, which we did.

The emotions I had, in this order, were:

1) Anger. I was really angry.

2) Fear. In some situations, fear and anger are kind of interchangeable. Have you ever noticed that?

3) Extreme frustration

4) Part of me was disgusted. Maybe because she’s a grown woman, not a kid whose had their license for 6 months, but that’s how she was driving.

What would your emotions have been?

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19 Answers

kritiper's avatar

Same as yours. Same reason everybody should take a defensive driving course, because just knowing how to operate a car isn’t enough.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I agree. And take a defensive driving course because of people like that that you will encounter.

But damn. If you can’t learn from experience in 25 years of driving, why would anything you learned in a “class” stick?

Dutchess_III's avatar

One thing I’d forgotten, toward the end of the ride, when my emotions had settled a bit (so I wouldn’t rip her head off,) I said, wearily, “Mary, you have to stop throwing your passengers around in the car.”
Her way of processing it was to giggle and say, “My kids are used to it, ha ha!”

SergeantQueen's avatar

I would have had her test drive it before you sold it to her. (but then it wouldn’t have been on her if she crashed it. I think. I don’t know how that works)
I wouldn’t have let her buy it at all after driving like that. That’s scary, she shouldn’t have a car at all. Or a license. She’s going to kill someone.

She giggles too much. I wonder if she actually realizes what she’s doing. I’d be embarrassed in the situation.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@SergeantQueen She hadn’t bought it yet. That’s part of what pissed me off so bad. It was not her fucking car! It would have been on me if she’d wrecked.
And why wouldn’t you have let her buy it? It didn’t have any emotional attachment to the thing. It’s not like it was a living animal that was going to be abused it I gave it to her.
I am not the safety police. It’s not like we were the only people with a car for sale, and we needed out from under it.

You can’t just tell the state to take someone’s license away because you don’t like the way they’re driving. She has a full time job that she needs to commute 120 miles, round trip everyday. She has 3 kids and 2 grandkids. She is single. You can’t take her license away without a damn good reason, and other people’s opinions are not a damn good reason.
Multiple DUI’s are a reason, so are multiple wrecks. Something that can be proven under the law.

In spirit, though, I agree with you. I do not know how she has not been in a serious wreck by now. But when/if it happens, will she take responsibility for it? Or will it be the Other Guy’s fault?

SergeantQueen's avatar

I didn’t say to take her car away or her license, I said she shouldn’t have either. I know you can’t just take things away from people because you don’t like what they are doing.
In the situation, I wouldn’t have sold it to her. I don’t care how much I hate that car. I would worry that she’s going to get herself or others injured, and if that happens I would feel guilty for selling her the car. She seems to have little to no respect for you (she blew you off for telling her not to answer the phone). That’s another reason I wouldn’t sell to someone. If they aren’t treating me like I deserve to be treated, why should they get anything from me?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I wouldn’t feel guilty. It’s not like the wreck happened because we sold her that car.

If we were just giving her the car I could understand “punishing” her by not giving it to her. In that case we would be doing her a huge favor.
However, she was doing us a bigger favor buying the car than we were selling the car. We didn’t do anything special for her.

What would your emotions be if you were in that situation? What kinds of things would you have said?

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
stanleybmanly's avatar

I wouldn’t be caught in or near a vehicle with her behind the wheel. I wouldn’t sell her the RV either and would not hesitate to tell her why.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

She sounds like a very adventurous and fun-loving woman lol. As for her driving style… some people may like that, others don’t. I don’t believe she did that on purpose. How I would feel? Well, since she’s guaranteed to be my customer I’ll be happy to please a customer (and a friend?) that will soon fill my pocket. Just play a good hostess, smooth talk her so she won’t change her mind about buying your vehicle, and secretly relish on the idea that once this is all over you’ll get your money and be rid of her.

mhd14's avatar

@Dutchess_III the emotions would be same. However if the driver was a Man then definitely it would have ended with few punches…..

Dutchess_III's avatar

@mhd14 I’m a female. It would be idiotic of me to hit a man.

@Unofficial_Member Oh, she punched it on purpose. She didn’t mean to lose control, though, which she almost did because she was not familiar with that car. At 43 she’s old enough to know to take it easy until you get to know the car.
She has a history of stupid driving, as I noted in the details.
If she’d just been a “customer,” that I would never see again, I’m not sure what I would have done.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@stanleybmanly I don’t understand why you wouldn’t sell a paying customer a vehicle just because they’re a shitty driver? If I’d realized what she was going to do, I wouldn’t have gone. But why wouldn’t I take someone’s money just because they’re a crappy driver? So what? I don’t care what happens to the vehicle after they bought it.

mhd14's avatar

@Dutchess_III idiotic-ness doesn’t concern with sex….;)

stanleybmanly's avatar

@Dutchess III You shouldn’t take her money for the same reason you would not sell a loaded shotgun to a 6 year old. There is more at stake than the mere life of a no driving fool. You must consider the people doomed to be in front of that RV as it careens into the future. From your own descriptions, scant imagination is required to predict the inevitable. You have the choice on whether or not to deliberately weaponize the RV.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It’s not an RV. It’s an SUV.
That makes 0 sense @stanleybmanly. I am not the safety police. Her her driving, and the consequences of that, have nothing to do with me, and certainly nothing to do with which vehicle she drives. It has no more to do with me than if she bought a car from a dealer and wrecked it. Would I be responsible for that as well, because I didn’t call the dealer and tell him not to sell her a car?

Also, your comparison is ridiculous. She’s a 43 year old woman, a grandmother to boot, needing a new vehicle, not a 6 year old buying a shotgun.

Dutchess_III's avatar

The car is now legally hers. Am I still responsible for her driving?

stanleybmanly's avatar

Not for her driving. And of course you can’t be held legally responsible for which weapon she wields.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Your argument seemed to be that I shouldn’t sell her the car because she’s a crappy driver, as though by me not selling her the car she wouldn’t have a car to drive and everyone would be safe. It’s ridiculous.

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