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the_overthinker's avatar

Have you experienced "chemistry" with another?

Asked by the_overthinker (1527points) April 17th, 2017

Chemistry: “the complex emotional or psychological interaction between two people”.

Have you experienced chemistry before? Tell me about it. Was it an instant connection with a stranger, or a connection that grew through time over a friendship?

For me, I think I experienced this with a friend of mine, who I had known for 8 years. We were merely platonic friends for 8 years, and as far as I know, we didn’t have any chemistry… but at one of our latest get-together’s, something changed.

We shared more than we ever shared before, and we connected on a level that I never knew we could. It was a strange feeling… I felt like we were in our own little bubble, and time stood still, as we really got to know each other. I saw a side of him that I never saw before. After that, our friendship changed. It was an interesting feeling.. I’d say that it was even pleasant, and one that I rarely experience.

I just wanted to hear about yours. Have you experienced chemistry with another before? What was it like? Was it with a friend? Was it with a romantic partner? How often do you experience this “chemistry” or connection with someone?

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20 Answers

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

There have been times where there was some sort of almost immediate connectedness, but it came through in an exchange of consversation versus chemistry.

On the other hand, there are three different times in my life that I was near two people that exuded what I can only describe as an overpowering wave of pheromones. In all three cases, none of the people involved were displaying any type of physical evidence that they were attracted to each other. In all three cases, it turns out that they were.

Zaku's avatar

Yes, but I have many different ways of looking at how people relate, and most of them I would not call “chemistry”.

I would say that “literal chemistry” is about actual chemicals, mainly pheromones, and whether someone responds positively and romantically to those, or not. This is often confused with other types or rapport, interest, attraction or just likability, because it’s hard to consciously catch that this is happening as opposed to something else.

I would say that “figurative chemistry” is vaguely general and doesn’t refer to anything specific itself. The way you defined it, it would apply to practically every interaction with two people, and so one would need to specify more to meaningfully communicate anything about it.

For example, you might say there was figuratively very strong negative chemistry between me and a fellow I’m thinking of, such that I felt like he was a scumbag the moment I first saw him, given the way he moved, and as soon as I knew who it was and what I knew about his relationships with people, I confirmed in a very visceral instinctive way that he was horribly messed up and that I should just avoid him and not even talk to him.

What you are talking about with the positive connective experiences, I have had in several ways. I’ve always been very interested in very connected communication. But I’ve also had some very strong connections that were more or less immediate. The strongest of those altered my life, because we seemed to know and communicate automatically right away. For many years I wondered what that was and if it was possible with other people. Eventually I found out ways to create openings for it. It sounds like it might be what you describe with the time standing still. You let go of your usual mindset and come to it “from nothing” as they say in a training I did, being very present and then “the space between” can disappear and you can get into a natural connection that just flows.

But there are certainly many types and ways to connect and relate to people strongly.

the_overthinker's avatar

@Zaku, thanks, yes, that’s exactly what I was looking for, individual and unique experiences. Thanks for your input. The way that I defined it was just used as a reference that I grabbed quickly off of the internet.

On another note, I found this little blurb on Quora and wanted to add that it sounds more like what I was thinking of when I posted the question:

Arthur P. Sullivan
Arthur P. Sullivan, Psychologist (NY) and professor of Psychology
Written 4 Jan 2016

“When two people connect, that is, experience a strong mutual attraction or fall in love, each actually falls in love with a person they have created in their own mind. Neither can possibly know the real other very well: don’t we discover after many years that we don’t even know ourselves all that well? And who has more complete information on us than we ourselves?

So we have a few data and construct an image in our mind of what we think the other person is like. And we fall in love with that. We unconsciously make predictions based upon the image of the other person in our minds. These become expectations, and when the other fails to live up to the expectations, the relationship suffers, reduces or ends.

But once, every so often, the other person meets our (really groundless) expectations very well, especially in trivial matters, perhaps many times in succession. Against all odds, we happen to meet the other person’s (equally groundless) expectations, a number of times in a row.

The surprise, the delight, and the smooth partnership which results from so many matching points is what we call chemistry between the two people. This experience causes a relaxations of demands between the partners, making it more likely that many near-misses in expectations will be viewed as exact matches, and many total failures to meet the other’s expectations will be overlooked.

It is a wonderful, though relatively rare experience. ”

the_overthinker's avatar

@Sneki95, short and sweet. haha interesting to hear!

Zaku's avatar

@the_overthinker That’s an healthy psychological perspective in that quote. But I would add that there are other things that can go on which can facilitate that series of meetings of expectations. Yes people sometimes happen to be very well matched by chance. But also there are ways of communicating that also lead to a close rapport, that aren’t just chance. When people recognize each other’s present humanity instant by instant and the connection keeps flowing, it’s not just luck. It’s that they’re present and attentive and tuned in and not tuning out or bringing in established thought structures. They’re not bringing many of the expectations along. They’re not going into their heads, they’re staying present. They’re not running their defensive or controlling patterns of being. They’re connecting and mirroring what’s there in the moment.

the_overthinker's avatar

@Zaku , absolutely. I couldn’t agree more! Well said.

Patty_Melt's avatar

I would have to say there were times in my life when the only explaination for my attraction to an individual would have to be pheromones.
Definately with Larry.

Mimishu1995's avatar

What you describe sounds like what happened between me an a good friend here. He was a friendly guy, but we only exchanged short conversations. Until one day, he suddenly talked more to me. We were suddenly very close. We met everyday and could talk about everything. In just a year we were like friends forever. We had never met irl, but I learned a lot from him.

He is no longer with me, but I still feel his chemistry around me.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Yes, there was one friend that it happened with. If we got in close enough proximity the pheremones went flying. She would flush, I would too. It happened so quickly it left my head spinning. Neather of us acted on it because we were both in LTRs but there was a silent acknowlegement between us that it was happening. My only other experience with that was my first girlfriend but it was not as strong. I have not experienced it since.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Of course. The “chemistry” I felt the moment I saw Rick was pretty much overwhelming.

Dutchess_III's avatar

My husband.

the_overthinker's avatar

@Dutchess_III, ah, I see. very nice!

ucme's avatar

I burnt my arse on a bunsen burner to impress this girl at school once

Patty_Melt's avatar

Cool! Do it again.

ucme's avatar

No, it was far from cool, naked flames tend to be hot see & besides, me all growned up now.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Mmmmmmm, so YOU say.~

ucme's avatar

Tee-Hee…YOU all silly & that

NomoreY_A's avatar

I don’t fool with chemicals. Dangerous things, those.

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