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Sam_'s avatar

I want to cut my hair five inches shorter but my mom won't let me!

Asked by Sam_ (12points) April 22nd, 2017

I want to cut my hair five inches shorter, but when I ask my mom if I can get a hair cut she assumes something is wrong and someone said something about and now I think I should cut it. But that’s not true I have had my hair long for my hole life and I want a change. What should I do!

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36 Answers

imrainmaker's avatar

Answer depends on how old you are.

Seek's avatar

Well, it depends on your mom’s parenting style, but I always appreciate when my son gives me a good, reasoned argument.

Try researching specific hairstyles you’re interested in. Save the pictures to a folder on the computer to show your mom. Get a copy of the school dress code showing that the style you want is allowed. Then, come up with a plan to pay for the trip to the salon.

I bet, if you put that much grown up thought and effort into it, your mom might just be convinced to allow it.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Try telling your mother that it would be a lot easier to manage your hair if it were shorter. Tell her that over time it will save you a lot of time and effort.

SergeantQueen's avatar

I don’t know how old you are, so It’s kind of hard to answer this question.
I hated having long hair. It was all the way down to my waist. I went to the girl’s bathroom at school and cut it myself. My mother was way more upset than I thought she would be and I regret cutting it on my own. I cut it short enough that it was to my chin. (after I went to a hairdresser).
I wouldn’t recommend doing that. I would sit down and ask her specifically why you can’t cut your hair. If she thinks it’s a maturity issue, then try to fix that. What @Seek is a good idea, research hairstyles you want and show her that you are really serious about this. 5 inches may seem like very little, but depending on how long it is now, it could be a lot. Like I said above, my hair was down to my waist, so 5 inches wouldn’t have been a huge change. But if your hair is to your neck or middle of your back, that would make it look significantly shorter.

Coloma's avatar

I think your mother is being unreasonable and controlling.
If you are over 5 years old you are old enough to decide how you like to wear your hair or how long or short you like it.
It’s your hair, your choice. Time for mama bird to let baby bird make some of her own choices IMO.

janbb's avatar

I always wanted to grow my hair and my Mom told me that when I was 12 I could decide for myself. That seemed reasonable to me at the time. How old are you?

Sneki95's avatar

Cut it. Whatever she does, she won’t be able to get your hair back. You got what you wanted, and it won’t be reversed.

janbb's avatar

Oh – as to the question in your details about hiding it from your Mom – that will be impossible.

canidmajor's avatar

@Seek had excellent advice.
@Sneki95 does not. @Sneki95, knowing no more than you stated in the details, has no idea if you might be punished, or how seriously, or for how long.

LostInParadise's avatar

Your mother’s argument needs to be attacked, something along this line: Why don’t you believe me when I say that this is not because of what anyone else said? Are you saying that I am lying when I tell you this? I am hurt that you would think that I would do such a thing. Do you think that I am not able to decide things for myself?

Sneki95's avatar

1) Who exactly are you to decide whose advice is good or bad? You’re not the OP. Therefore, give your own advice or stfu.
2) Considering the question and the style of writing itself, the OP is at least twelve or something. In other words, s/he is capable enough to a) decide for herself and b) take responcibility for her actions. If she wants the short hair, she will do it, as long as she accepts whatever the consequences are. If she’s afraid of it, she wouldn’t ask this at all, but keep her hair without questioning anything.

Pandora's avatar

Depends on how good of an actress you are. Get gum stuck in it and then cut it out leaving a big uneven gap in it. Then when she comes home get ready with the tears and fear. Show her what happened and how you tried to remove it and thought you could cut it without too much damage and you tried to even it out but it just got worse. Then ask her to fix it because you don’t want to show up to school looking like some kind of freak. You have to be really emotional so she agree to take you to a salon, just to stop the whining.

At least. It’s what I would’ve done. When I got my first haircut, I was on vacation with my dad and begged him to let me cut my hair. It worked. My mom was mad but she got over it.

I do have one question though. Is your hair curly, and are you near puberty? If that is the case then,. I suggest you don’t cut it. My daughter was 11 when she wanted her hair cut and it was a bit curly. Once she hit puberty, it curled up so bad that she look like a clown. It was so much work every day to try to style it. If it was long, it would’ve been easier to just braid it.
So if your hair is like that, wait till after puberty.

Puberty often changes your hair texture.
Her hair went from fine with a little body to thick and curly. Kids made fun of her for two years
If you decide to not cut it, there are a lot of hair style tutorials on you tube. They are not all complicated.

Dutchess_III's avatar

How old are you and are you male or female?

Sneki95's avatar

^ Why does gender matter?

canidmajor's avatar

@Sneki95, I appreciate that you obviously have no experience with the position a child is put in by defying parents who may hold extreme views about obedience, and the consequences that may result. Dismissing it so lightly is irresponsible.

Pandora's avatar

@Sneki95 It matters because not all boys like having long hair. Especially if it causes a lot of teasing from other children. Parents think its easy to force their agenda on children but forget that children should decide for themselves what battles they want to fight. My BIL had his son wear his hair long for many years and didn’t want to cut it. Eventually the kid got tired of being teased about his hair. His parents thought he should stand up to the other kids. He felt he should be the one to decide which battles he chooses to fight, plus he hated having long hair and was dying to try something different. Today he is grown and has a crew cut. He loves not having to waste so much time fixing his hair.
@canidmajor, I get parents can decide what their children do, but I’ve seen the other side of this. Way too often, the parents who care only about their children appearance stunt their childrens ablilties to grow and rule with an iron fist over the most idiotic things and let them get away with the things that really matter. Parents need to let go of their wants and raise a child to take care of their actual needs. The ones that often are controlling about hair are concerned about how the world view them as parents, or want to present a better version of themselves. It usually has nothing to do with parenting. Lets say the kid cuts her or his hair. How does this hurt the parent? Hair grows back, so this isn’t permanent.

Dutchess_III's avatar

My 5 year old grand daughter has super long hair. It’s always a tangle. I want to cut it! She wants it cut. My son wouldn’t care, but her absurdly psycho mom would throw a fit. It’s just weird.
@Pandora I so agree with you about not forcing kids to parade their parents own agenda. And when their agenda is, for example, protesting gender differences, campaigning for people to be allowed to do what they personally feel like doing (which is not a bad thing) they end up forcing their kids to do exactly the opposite of what the parents try to protest. A boy doesn’t want long hair. Mom or Dad things that is gender stereotyping and won’t let him. (WTF?)

Coloma's avatar

Yep to @Pandora and @Dutchess_III

Kids are not extensions of yourself, they are their own person and guidance never means control. Any parent that views their childs appearance or grades or accomplishments as a source of narcissistic supply for themselves is a shitty parent. Good parents allow their child to be what they are, naturally, and encourage them to make their own choices and decisions starting at an early age. What they wear, what they choose to eat, how they wear their hair. Parenting is not a dictatorship it is a democracy.

chyna's avatar

Why does your mom assume someone has said something to you about your hair? Has this happened before? Have you been bullied? Does she have a reason that she gives you?
I don’t think anyone here can give you a reasonable answer until you come back and answer their questions.

Seek's avatar


I tell Ian it’s not my job to make him a happy kid, but to make him a good grown-up.

Sometimes the answer is no, but a good argument and some responsibility go a long way to turning a no into a yes.

Dutchess_III's avatar

^^^And everybody said “Amen.”

Rick moved in when my son was 14. I had always cut his hair myself, according to however he wanted to wear it. Mostly, in those days, it was a bowl cut. I didn’t care for it, but it’s what he wanted.
Rick talked often about the period, early in his life, when he was a barber in the late 60s and early 70s. So one day Chris asked him to cut his hair.

So Rick cut his hair. He cut it short, short, short, almost military short. When I saw what was happening I just cringed. When he spun my son around to see. When I saw the look on my son’s face when he saw himself I said, “Oh shit. He’ll never cut his hair again!” I was right. He didn’t cut it again for 4 years! It got super long.
Well, one day, while roofing when he was 19 or so, he wound up with heat exhaustion and was quite sick for a few hours. He cut it then.
Now it’s short in the summer and long in the winter.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Seek and amen to that!
When my kids were little I often said, “Hey. I wasn’t put on this earth to make you happy!”

canidmajor's avatar

@Pandora, sure, the philosophy is sound, the reality not so much. The circumstance here is not about what the parent should do, but about the child’s well-being. Hair grows back, yeah, but it’s not at all that simple. The child is virtually helpless. The child needs the home, food, world supplied by the parent. Hair is not a hill worth dying on. That’s why @Seek‘s advice is good. Discussion, dialogue, reason and maturity will likely be more appropriate than defiance.
In a normal, healthy family, maybe it would work, but so many families are not normal and healthy. We can’t tell from @Sam_‘s post.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Help your mother to understand why you want it cut. Summer is coming. Long hair can get hot and sweaty easily.
Teens may want their hair cut because their life is getting busier, and shorter would be easier to care for.
You have been advised already to prepare yourself ahead of time. Write out a list, choose a style or two, be rational, but also hear out your mother.
I am a mother. I have a daughter in her teens. She sometimes asks for something, tells me why, but if I say no, she won’t hear my side, she just gets in a huff.
It takes a little while for five inches to grow back. Maybe your mom is thinking about if it gets cut badly, how long it will be before it grows back. I have had a bad cut before. It is so frustrating.
There might be other reasons. There is no way of knowing until you discuss it. Just remember that a discussion means you get heard, but so does she. Try to be patient with her. You probably have beautiful hair, and the thought of seeing it badly cut could scare her. Help her face that you are growing, and need to be allowed to make some changes for yourself.
No doubt she loves you.
Probably decisions she has made in the past have seemed sudden to you, but were carefully thought out by her. Let her see now, that your choice has been carefully thought over.

Rarebear's avatar

Talk to your parents. Not Fluther.

Pandora's avatar

@canidmajor, It is that simple. Hair is not who the person is. It’s not going to change the childs personality. I have a grand niece who would love to cut her hair but her dad and mom think she should let it grow to her butt. Why don’t they grow their hair to their butt. It doesn’t seem like a big deal but the child doesn’t care for her hair. It takes her all day long to get it dry and she doesn’t like to wash it because it’s such a big deal. She rarely washes it and it’s always greasy and flaky. It isn’t attractive looking. She doesn’t have any real friends and I wonder if it’s because other kids think she is dirty and doesn’t bathe. They should just let her cut it. Shorter hair will be easier for her to wash and deal with. Even if the hair gets unruly, it would be better than going around looking like she doesn’t wash her hair. BTW, she does wash it but only on the weekends. They don’t care for her hair. She does. So shouldn’t she be the one to determine how long it is? If a kid is under 10 and mom does the hair then she should determine what is easiest for her to deal with and how much work she wants to put into the kids hair. But if they don’t, then reason should dictate that it is the child who should determine what they want to do with their hair.

janbb's avatar

@Pandora I don’t think that @canidmajor is saying that the child should have no say in how her hair is worn. I think she is saying that kids, like parents, need to learn to pick their battles and without us knowing more about this family’s dynamics, for strangers to advise a child to get their hair cut without their parent’s permission may have consequences. And we still don’t know how old this child is!

stanleybmanly's avatar

So the supposition that parents know best for their child is invalid?

LostInParadise's avatar

In this case the parent is not just saying that she knows best. She is saying that the OP only wants to change her hair length based on what others have said, even when told that is not the case. That is not being fair.

Patty_Melt's avatar

That’s where discussion becomes the most sensible tool.

canidmajor's avatar

@Pandora, @janbb is correct. I have known too many kids who were severely punished for what we would consider very minor infractions of parental rules. It’s not about the hair, or the clothes, or the fact that the laundry wasn’t put away.
I am glad that you were so blessed that your parents were never unfair or set off by little things or so strict about the inconsequential small stuff that you were afraid; you were very lucky. Not everyone has such lovely parents.
You were so focused on the hair that you missed the point.
Again, it’s not about the hair!

I hope that @Sam_ comes back and let’s us know what’s going on, and that it’s not all that bad for them.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@stanleybmanly Parents don’t always know best, and they don’t always do the right things by their child.

JLeslie's avatar

Why won’t she let you?

I’d ask her why. Listen to her reason, and then restate to her (that’s called paraphrasing) why she doesn’t want you to do it. Then you can address her specific concern, and you can present your reason for why you want it cut.

Hopefully, if you’re argument is thought out she will appreciate your position and go along with it. Remind her hair grows, and it’s temporary if you both decide it was better long after you cut it.

If you live in the northern hemisphere remember summer is coming, and it’s nice to have long enough hair that you can put it in a ponytail in the summer, or so shirt it’s off of your neck. If you want a bob or just barely to your shoulders best to buy it now, so you can put it in a hair band by July.

Lastly, if you cut it it’s cut. She can’t do anything about it. But, I don’t know what kind of parent she is. If she’s going to punish you in some horrible way it won’t have been worth it.

It’s better if you can talk to her in a mature way to convince her. It’s an exercise in communication. Is your dad in the picture? If so, maybe talk to them both at the same time. Maybe he can run interference.

Sneki95's avatar

@canidmajor I was raised by quite a stern woman.What I learnt from it is, if you really want to do something, and accept everything that may happen afterwards, nothing can stop you. If she’s afraid of her mom or whatever, she won’t do it. If she accepts everything her doing will cause, she’ll do it and there is nothing in her way to stop her, nor reverse what she’s done. Beating, yelling, punishing or whatever else will not get that hair back. She’ll get what she wanted.
Then again, the question is whether is it beneficial to be beaten up for cutting you hair, but that is what the OP should decide, not me.

JLeslie's avatar

Assuming the mom isn’t a tyrant, focusing on learning good communications skills to persuade her mom is much better than worrying about the consequences of an action.

I don’t remember ever as a child choosing an act knowing the consequences/punishment my parents would employ. Not that I was never punished (it was rare though). Anything that was reasonable my parents tended to go along with, or some sort of compromise was made.

jca's avatar

In a perfect world, this would be a mutual decision and as the child gets older, the decision becomes more what the child wants. The mom would be loving and accepting and cool about whatever the child wants. However, this is not always the case and many parents are dictators about things like hair and clothing. Kids don’t always know best about what their hair or clothing should be. My daughter is almost ten and wants her hair to be long. When I brush her long hair, she cries because it gets big knots in it. I often ask if I can cut just a little off, and when she agrees, I immediately get the scissors out. I just cut about two inches off the other night. Now it’s way easier to brush.

I know when she gets older, we might be getting into it about clothing, tattoos, piercings, etc. I’ll pick my battles and see what the issues are when they arise. I’m cool about a lot of things but I think kids don’t always see the big picture of a career that might not welcome someone coming in with nose rings, etc.

It would be helpful, as others have inquired, to know the age of the OP.

I agree with others it’s not worth a beating, if that is the consequence, to get a hair cut.

The OP might feel that a haircut is worth a beating.

OP @Sam_ , what is your age? What country do you live in? What will your mom or dad do if you do get your hair cut 5 inches off?

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