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idream3r's avatar

How to forgive and forget your Past Mistakes?

Asked by idream3r (434points) June 26th, 2017

Like everyone else I’ve made mistakes I wish I could take back. To my friends I am this warmhearted, caring person who will do anything for anyone.

I have had anger issues due to what I have been through in my past. What helps me release the stress, pain, and anger is by playing Football (Soccer). I am really good at it and have gained many friends through the sport. On the flip side I also may have made a few enemies or people who might not be too fond of me. I have a reputation of starting arguments during games. I remember some guys did not want to play with me and my friends because of past experiences with me. I will admit to that, and wish I would have handled things better in the past. I am not like that anymore and have calmed down a lot since then.

Most of us play at a certain park. I play there a lot on the weekends and almost everyone knows me there. Most people say it is my park. Since I have played there for a while. For the most part I have apologized and made up with most of the people I have had conflict with in the past. What keeps haunting me and have made me paranoid is I feel some of the people I got into it with are trying to get back at me. Trying to hurt me or kill me because of my actions in the past. I keep thinking they might be in a gang or have friends in gangs. I’ve seen people get killed and hurt over minor disputes. It is hard for me to move forward with my life without having these thoughts in my head. I get a lot of looks and stares when I am in public as well, which adds to the anxiety and paranoia.

For the most I know for sure it is all in my head and maybe people look at me out of curiosity. Maybe they like my hairstyle ( I have a flat top hair cut). Maybe the find me attractive. Maybe. I look down a lot when I walk and often look angry, anxious and depressed so that might be the case as well. I am 28 and trying to get my life together. Get my own place, car, and girlfriend. My these thoughts are stressing me out. I am trying so hard to change my ways, even took a break from the sport for periods of time. I never want my actions to cause people to hurt me or my loved ones. Also I don’t want all of this stress and over thinking to be the death of me.

How about you guys? does your past often haunt you?

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5 Answers

josie's avatar

A mistake is when you step on the accelerator thinking it is the brake and wreck something.
Or when you add a column of numbers and get confused and get the wrong sum and over draw your checking account.
Provoking arguments and making enemies is not a mistake. It is a willful, but often thoughtless, act- usually misguided.
Most people forgive and forget mistakes.
They may or may not do the same with emotional carelessness.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Thanks for asking us what we think.

You behaved badly, and you’ve made apologies where you could. Good.

Now, do not do it again under any circumstances. Amend your ways. If the opportunity for more apologies arises, make them sincerely.

I also behaved badly in the past. I did things I should not have done, and I hurt people. I made sincere apologies where possible, but more importantly, I amended my conduct and never repeated the hurtful ways.

It took a long time, but I’m respected now. You can do the same.

Each morning, make a decision to behave with integrity for that day, and then do it. It may be difficult at times. Do it anyway.

Good luck.

PullMyFinger's avatar

Congratulations. Many people who have treated others badly never regret it, or even recognize that they’ve done it, let alone try to make amends for it. They are many times PROUD of it. So in a way, you’ve already won half the battle.

My guess is, most people who know you admire the fact that you apologized, and are trying to do better.

Regarding your regular paranoia, it might help you to remember the following quote, which has been attributed to Mark Twain, but also to several others.

In any case, the thought is what is most important, not where it originated…..

.

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened”
.
Different subject: Why do so many of those damn soccer matches end up 1 – 0 ??

.

AloraCrimson's avatar

I know it’s really hard sometimes… To forgive past mistakes and move forward… But you just have to. Fuck all the bullshit. Love you first, as a whole, even your flaws.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes too – extremely horrible ones. I’ve done, said, and been through unbelievable things. Things they portray in movies. I’ve done bad things, hurt people, and most of all have hurt myself.

You can’t be too hard on yourself though- that’s just gonna eat you up. Thank yourself for making it this far in life – not a lot of people do. You are here for a reason, so use your mistakes as a catalyst for the better life you want.

FOCUS ON YOUR GOALS AND THE FUTURE. That is it.

I think if you look back and past mistakes you will get depressed. I know I do. So just focus on the future. This is the time right now to do it.

Write it down, cross them out when you’ve achieved them and be relentless in your pursuit of happiness (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else or yourself).

idream3r's avatar

I am so sorry for the late response guys been on vacation and got caught up withe other things.
Thank you all for the responses, I greatly appreciate them.

@josie Josie that is true and I accept my mistakes of the past. But many times I was not the one to provoke the argument. However I may have been the one to take it too far. I understand your point though. Thank you.

@Hawaii_Jake Thanks for the advice I greatly appreciate it. For the most part I am well respected by the people I have had arguments with in the past. I am working on my anger and try to workout more as well as try meditation to calm me down.

@PullMyFinger Thank you. It may not seem like it but I am a pretty sensitive and emotional person. However because of my anxiety and depression its hard for me to show it sometimes. Most people from the past respect me now and we still play together on a regular bases. Whenever I feel like I am going to get angry I just take deep breaths.
I am working on my paranoia and I know it’s mostly in my head. Thank you for the advice.
As for the football matches, It is really hard to score a goal. Plus most times after a team scores one goal, they tend to defend the whole game making it harder for the other team to score.

@AloraCrimson Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate. Glad to hear you can relate to my situation. Its really hard sometimes to focus on my goals when I am always thinking about my past. I try my best to forget it but it is proving to be tough. I’ll try harder to focus on my goals and pursue happiness. Thank you

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