How to forgive and forget your Past Mistakes?

Like everyone else I’ve made mistakes I wish I could take back. To my friends I am this warmhearted, caring person who will do anything for anyone.

I have had anger issues due to what I have been through in my past. What helps me release the stress, pain, and anger is by playing Football (Soccer). I am really good at it and have gained many friends through the sport. On the flip side I also may have made a few enemies or people who might not be too fond of me. I have a reputation of starting arguments during games. I remember some guys did not want to play with me and my friends because of past experiences with me. I will admit to that, and wish I would have handled things better in the past. I am not like that anymore and have calmed down a lot since then.

Most of us play at a certain park. I play there a lot on the weekends and almost everyone knows me there. Most people say it is my park. Since I have played there for a while. For the most part I have apologized and made up with most of the people I have had conflict with in the past. What keeps haunting me and have made me paranoid is I feel some of the people I got into it with are trying to get back at me. Trying to hurt me or kill me because of my actions in the past. I keep thinking they might be in a gang or have friends in gangs. I’ve seen people get killed and hurt over minor disputes. It is hard for me to move forward with my life without having these thoughts in my head. I get a lot of looks and stares when I am in public as well, which adds to the anxiety and paranoia.

For the most I know for sure it is all in my head and maybe people look at me out of curiosity. Maybe they like my hairstyle ( I have a flat top hair cut). Maybe the find me attractive. Maybe. I look down a lot when I walk and often look angry, anxious and depressed so that might be the case as well. I am 28 and trying to get my life together. Get my own place, car, and girlfriend. My these thoughts are stressing me out. I am trying so hard to change my ways, even took a break from the sport for periods of time. I never want my actions to cause people to hurt me or my loved ones. Also I don’t want all of this stress and over thinking to be the death of me.

How about you guys? does your past often haunt you?