General Question

Heather13's avatar

What are some reasons why someone would force help on someone else?

Asked by Heather13 (495points) August 19th, 2017

For example, if they’re always complaining that the person they’re helping does not “like” them, why do they continue to be nice to that person and to assist them with whatever?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

23 Answers

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Because they feel they have to, and they can’t keep their noses out of other peoples business.

Sam4One's avatar

It is called good gesture or good nature. Be always ready to help someone… It is sometimes idiotic to help just anyone even if the other party doesn’t likes you. They may eventually change their opinion depending on your deeds.

The answer to your question is far more explanatory than i am telling here, a psychology expert may be able to answer this better.

There maybe many reason why you wanna help the guy who doesn’t likes you. Maybe he’s just pretending to be harsh. Or maybe you already know that he is pretending and knowing this you continue to be nice to him and help him with whatever.

Damn… this question mind boggling… There could be countless number of reasons why anyone would help any other without a reason.

Heather13's avatar

@Sam4One

No. I’m not the one helping someone who doesn’t like me.
I wounld’nt have asked.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Coloma's avatar

Because some people have a strong need to be needed and go out of their way to be a do-gooder, only to later complain that nobody appreciates all the “help” they have given. Never mind the fact that most of the time they don’t bother asking if the person even wants their help or advice because they are driven by their own psychological needed to be seen as a giving/helping person. Their giving is not genuine, it always has strings attached. Never trust a do-gooder that can’t stop “helping” or tries to buy your friendship in any capacity.

There is always a price tag attached, always, whether that is calling in favors from you or expecting constant recognition and praise for how wonderful they all. Healthy people ASK others what they need or want and give from a place of genuine altrusim not codependent manipulation. Gag.

Coloma's avatar

Signs of a chronic do-gooder/helper.

Always telling stories about how helpful they are and all the things they do for others.
Complain a lot that nobody appreciates their “help.”
Do things, give gifts, advice, without asking the other person what kind of help they need Decide for others how to “help.”
Have a martyred attitude, always the one done wrong after all they do for others.

Mariah's avatar

If the person being helped is in a self-destructive spiral. Interventions are an example of “forced help.”

Patty_Melt's avatar

Maybe there is some reason that person feels obligated to be helpful to a particular person.

@Mariah, very good point.

canidmajor's avatar

Yay, @Mariah! That’s what I was going to say, along with the fact that without more details it’s impossible to tell. Does one stop helping a cranky elderly neighbor with outside chores simply because they are cranky? Well, someone other than Coloma of course, we know how you feel about it. LOL

chyna's avatar

@mariah I was thinking along those lines, too, but my example was going to be more extreme. Such as someone trying to jump off a bridge.

Coloma's avatar

@canidmajor Haha….yep, well, being old and cranky doesn’t mean you can take your shit out on those that help you. Good way to be abandoned in your old age. Being old isn’t an excuse for being an ass.

Yes, I concur…an intervention might be an example of “forcing” help on someone or dragging someone off a bridge before they do a swan dive, but I assimilated the OPs question more from a meddling and martyred perspective.

seawulf575's avatar

@Mariah Exactly! I had my step-daughter arrested once because it was the only way to reasonably get her help. She was hooked on heroin and was living on the streets. Getting her arrested got her off the streets and got her on the road to clean again. I had to force that help on her, but now, a couple years later, she has entirely turned her life around and has actually thanked me for taking such a drastic action.

JLeslie's avatar

Because they can’t deal with standing by and watching the person spiral downwards (in their opinion). They might say they are helping, but often the truth is they are also trying to calm their own anxiety, because it freaks them out to see the other person self destruct.

Kind of like the argument there is no pure altruism, because the person doing the giving it helping is getting some sort of reward also that motivates them.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I agree with all the reasons stated above. I just want to add another reason that I haven’t seen anyone here mention yet.

Sometimes the help is not really an act of altruism, meaning that the help is less about the help receiver but more about the helper. In other words, the helper wants to help to validate themselves.

Some people are just turned on by seeing that they successfully help others. Granted, most of us feel good when helping people one way or another, but some people just take it too far. They want to feel important. They want the recognition from others that they help some particular people, the recognition that they are generous, kind, whatever. And if the person they try to help change in the same way as their vision, they feel an even stronger sense of entitlement because it proves that they are right after all. They are even more turned on.

I’m not against giving help, quite the opposite. I just want to say that when you give help it shouldn’t be for a completely selfish reason.

Source: I’ve been there before, being drained by a narcissist trying to “help” just to prove to everyone that she was kind and important.

zenvelo's avatar

Co-dependency is a whole pathology in and of itself. @Coloma described it well, it is an inability to get self validation from one’s own self, but rather getting it from “helping” another who did not ask for it nor wants it.

Heather13's avatar

What if the person being helped has no life threatening or life altering problem? And are not in need of help?

janbb's avatar

Has the helpee asked the helper why?

Coloma's avatar

@Heather13 Then you are dealing with a meddling do-gooder. LOL

Heather13's avatar

@janbb

I think so. Because the petson being helped is annoyed amd have been avoiding the helper. But that person still tries to do things for that person who seem to be well capable of doing things themselves.

Coloma's avatar

@Heather13 The best thing for this person to do is to be clear and direct and speak up to the meddling person and tell them, firmly, that if they ever want help they will ask otherwise butt out.

Patty_Melt's avatar

I think a lot of context is missing here.
Some people are just motivated by a desire to be helpful. People have been bitten trying to free animals from traps.
On the other hand, a stalker can think he is helping the woman of his obsession by murdering her husband.
Without the proper context, we can really be of little help here.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Maybe the other person complains about stuff so much people think they’re asking for help.
In that case the other person just needs to explain that they like to complain and don’t need help.

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