General Question

girlofscience's avatar

How do you feel about straight women making out with other straight women?

Asked by girlofscience (7567points) August 12th, 2008

I recently came across a statistic estimating 4–5% of the population to be truly homosexual and 9–10% of the population to take part in any type of homosexual act. I found the second figure surprisingly low because I don’t personally know any women who do not ever kiss other women. This prompted me to ask the collective your opinion on straight women who make out with other straight women (i.e., everyone I know).

I often find the general perspective of “they want attention” very offensive. As a straight woman who has made out with all of my close girlfriends in private, I think many people misunderstand this concept. Maybe it’s because you don’t see it happening in private – the only time you see straight girls making out with each other is at drunken parties in bikinis. But why assume these are the only circumstances under which straight women make out with each other?

I’ll try to draw a parallel: These attention-seeking girls also dance ridiculously at drunken parties in bikinis (for attention), but no one assumes that anyone who dances only does so for attention. Surely, people recognize the art of dancing as a recreational hobby that many can enjoy for purposes other than attention. So, why be so quick to assume that women who kiss women are desperately crying for attention, just because a few happen to be?

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42 Answers

trumi's avatar

First and foremost I have to speak for all men; there ain’t nothing wrong with that! As long as we get to watch.

bodyhead's avatar

I’m going to have to agree with trumi here. I only see a problem when I’m not watching.

JRoberts7's avatar

I think that it can be down to both, attention and general enjoyment. But i do honestly think the majority do it for attention, if they really wanted to do it for enjoyment then im sure they would be doing it at other times rather than just when there in front of others.

But personally i don’t see this happen enough, I WANT MORE!

Larssenabdo's avatar

I am having trouble understanding why so called ‘straight’ women make out with their friends. Sounds to me like bi women. Is there a problem with the bi label for some reason?

trumi's avatar

On a subject like this I point to the Kinsey scale. If the women involved are both zeroes (or possibly ones, according to the definition), then JRoberts7 is right. Enjoyment (which may point to a high number on the scale), or attention seeking.

So ruling out the obvious “so drunk they had no idea what they were doing” theory, I would say that they are probably either looking for attention or are not as straight as they say.

girlofscience's avatar

@JRoberts7: Most girls do make out with each other at times other than when they are in front of people! We do it in private as well!

trumi's avatar

OH, and also the whole tween/teen thing where girls make out so they learn how.

Which honestly is just a little strange….

girlofscience's avatar

@Larssenabdo: There is a big different between bisexual women and straight women who make out with other women.

Bisexual women = women who have equal attraction to both sexes. They are sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women. They are interested in dating both women and men. They are equally (or almost equally) likely to end up with a female romantic partner as they are to end up with a male romantic partner.

Straight women (who make out with other women) = women who are only romantically attracted to men. These women may, of course, find other women attractive and enjoy friendship with other women. They may even enjoy kissing other women. But they would never get that butterfly-feeling in their stomach over another woman, and they would never be interested in dating another woman.

wundayatta's avatar

I’m sympathetic, GOS. However I am curious as to the motivations of two straight women making out. Is it sexual in nature? Or merely a friendly thing? Or is it sensuality without sexuality? I can imagine it as the first and third, but it sounds more than friendly to me.

I know that younger women often practice making out with each other. I know that many boys engage in sexual behavior that they do not consider to make them gay. It’s just what you do when you’re a kid.

Now I personally can not think of any reason to dun any form of sexuality, sensuality, or friendship, except for coercive forms. I can see the traditional male attraction to the idea of two women really getting into each other. The man is probably imagining that the both of them might get into him at the same time, or at different times, but because they so obviously like each other, they wouldn’t get jealous.

I think these behaviors definitely can be about the relationship, and are not about attention seeking. I mean, come on, this stuff IS private!

Anyway, why do you ask? Are you actually worried about what anyone else thinks of it, or are you trying to understand why people think what they do?

lapilofu's avatar

It sounds like your problem then, is your use of labels! Sexuality and love are more complex than can be summed up even by the labels gay, bisexual, straight. (Although, as a side note, I’d quibble with your definition of a bisexual as including romance. I think that’s a non-standard definition. It seems obvious to me—because of the “sexual” part of the word, and because we refer to it as a person’s ”sexual orientation.” I would say that any “straight” woman who makes out with girls can not be considered straight.)

However, the point that I am trying to make is that things are a little more complicated than those three labels account for. I have a female friend who is sexually attracted to girls, but romantically attracted to me (which is, yes, very confusing for her, but still valid). I have a male friend who is mostly attracted to men, but has some small amount of romantic feeling for certain women.

I personally prefer to avoid using these terms as boundaries, but maybe just as signposts to point you in a general direction—if you use them at all. Let people’s actions define their sexuality and love—not these three arbitrary labels.

However, in response to the question, women making out is OK with me! Even though I won’t consider them “straight” if they do.

girlofscience's avatar

@daloon: As per your last question, I am simply trying to understand why people think what they do.

Now, you raise some interesting questions in your first paragraph, and I honestly have to think about the answers to them. I guess I view it as mostly a friendly thing, with hints of both sensuality and sexuality. I personally would not make out with a female who was not attractive, but I do have some friends who will make out with any female, as long as they’re friends. One of my female friends was recently telling me about how she made out with a female friend of hers who was not exactly cute, and I said, “Julie! She isn’t cute!! Why would you do that?” She said, “I would make out with any girl I am friends with!” In her case, it seems to be merely a friendly thing, as attractive is irrelevant to her.

JRoberts7's avatar

So why do two girls make out with each other when no one else is around?

Where do you do it girlofscience? if you dont mind me asking..

Why do i kiss a woman? I make out with a woman because i am physically attracted to them and making out with them does give me butterflies or what not! I enjoy it and its a great feeling, i dont make out with people for any other reason, i dont see what other reason i would do unless i was trying to impress or gain attention from someone.

Am i wrong?

Larssenabdo's avatar

@lapilofu, I’m pretty much with you. Labels are not important, but ‘straight girl who makes out with other straight girls’ is, to my mind, an oxymoron.

girlofscience's avatar

@JRoberts7: Girls make out with each other when no one else is around just for fun and sometimes when we are drinking because it is a silly thing that can easily occur when drinking.

I have not made out with girls recently, as I have been in a relationship with a man for two years now, but when I did make out with girls, it was just in our own homes.

I have never made out with a girl in the same way that I make out with men. There’s a very different element in male-female making out for me that simply isn’t present in female-female making out.

Tone's avatar

My opinion is that this is mostly about fashion, trends, and popular culture. An important point in your original question is the “everyone you know” part. You make the assumption that because everyone you know acts a certain way, it’s more common than the study indicates. I doubt this is the case. It’s not entirely uncommon, of course, but I would guess that the 9–10% is probably about right. When your social group participates in a particular behavior—particularly one like this, where it’s really unclear what the motivation is. You say it’s not really sexual, you’re not romantically attracted to women, etc.—naturally a high percentage of people in that group will participate, whether in public or private. It sounds like you and your friends discuss who you’ve made out with, etc., which makes it public, or at least not entirely private. The explanations you give for why you do it are pretty vague (it’s a silly thing that can happens, just for fun, etc.) for such a socially and sexually charged activity. Those are the kinds of explanations people give for doing things that they “just do” because they’ve just always done them. Like dressing a certain way or going to the mall every day or cruising the strip, you probably can’t say why you do it, it’s just what’s done.

The attractiveness and “coolness” or two straight women making out has become part of popular culture recently (thanks largely to horrible people like Joe “Girls Gone Wild” Francis). It’s a fashion.

(Note that I don’t have any problem with this and I’m not passing judgement. If you’re not hurting anyone else, I don’t care what you do. I do have a problem with Joe Francis.)

JRoberts7's avatar

Okay fair enough, im not one for moaning anyway cause seeing two woman making out can be a turn on… just depends what the woman look like!

So please go ahead and continue, but i ask one favor… reckon you could do it more outside of the house than in it? :)

girlofscience's avatar

@Tone: I’m sorry, I did not mean to imply what came across with the “everyone I know” part of my statement. I’m well-versed in statistics, and I did not intend to make such a ridiculous conclusion. However, I wouldn’t saying that the people I know are an odd sect of the population. I know a fair amount of people and a reasonably fair cross section of my generation, and I’d certainly estimate the number to be higher than 9–10%.

nayeight's avatar

I’m not understanding why straight girls would make-out in private. Unless they aren’t straight. How do you just find yourself making out with your friends? I’ve kissed girls before but never my friends. So are you guys just hanging out downstairs on the couch watching a movie and then all of a sudden you kiss? Do your heads bump? Is there some scene on tv or some sexually charged conversation you have that provokes making out? And what do you mean by making out? Like tongue kissing? Touching? Humping? I’m sorry but making out is an act that can get alot of people aroused. Like about to have sex aroused. Would you have sex with any of your girlfriends? Have you? Why or why not? Sorry for all the questions appropriate or not but I must understand this.

girlofscience's avatar

@nayeight: Great questions!

Let me start with the easiest. By making out, I mean tongue kissing.

Now, regarding how it comes about, I guess that’s more complicated. I am trying to recall the situations in which I’ve made out with my friends, and they’ve always been different random situations, but never any that you’ve mentioned. If we were to bump heads and then kiss, or see a sexually charged conversation and then make out, that would seem to take on a more sexual element than is usually involved when I make out with my friends.

I’ll give you a few examples of how it has come about, although they may sound very stupid/silly!

[in the context of girltalk]
GF: Ugh, I cannot stand it when a guy is such a bad kisser. Seriously, how do you correct it? Has a guy ever used their tongue really weird and grossly?
ME: Yeah, it’s the worst; some people just don’t know how to kiss.
GF: People kiss so differently; how do you do it? Let’s make out.
[make out for like 30 seconds]
ME: You kiss like I do!
GF: Yeah, too bad all guys can’t kiss as awesome as we do.
[the conversation goes back to normal]

[we are watching something girly in which girls kiss]
GF: Aww, it is so adorable when girls kiss! What a cute girly thing to do! Wanna make out?
ME: Sure.
[make out]
GF: That was so cute!!
[we go back to watching whatever we were watching]

JRoberts7's avatar

@girlofscience: lol…...your funny!

wildflower's avatar

I can honestly say I’ve never kissed a girl in a sexual way and can’t imagine doing so. I know plenty of straight girls that kiss, but not make out – I think there’s a world of difference there!

nikipedia's avatar

Kissing is great, and the more of it that happens, the better.

I do think, though, that girls who drunkenly make out at parties tend to be doing it for attention. In my (limited!) experience, people who genuinely want to make out with each other for the sake of making out with each other do it in dark corners and spare bedrooms at parties. Girls who want attention do it in the middle of the dance floor with a crowd of horny guys around them. So like everything else, the circumstances make a big difference. (Also—is wanting to be the center of attention really a bad thing, in moderation?)

One other thought—consider that this category of “straight” is somewhat malleable in most people, and especially in women. Women tend to demonstrate more ‘erotic plasticity’ than men according to some studies.

I think your question raises (not begs!) another line of questioning about what constitutes bisexuality, heterosexuality, and homosexuality. Would be interested to hear the collective’s thoughts on that.

nayeight's avatar

Lol girlofscience, you are weird. Not in a bad way though!

PupnTaco's avatar

Then they’re not straight. Lesbian or bisexual.

Personally, it doesn’t bother me. I do think it’s become a bit of a trend for the 18–25 group, which seems more than a little shallow. Sexual identity is something that is part of our core – not a cheap attention-getter for parties and MySpace pix.

dalepetrie's avatar

It sounds to me from the descriptions of your own behavior, for you it’s just about curiousity more than anything, and I think when two girls who are completely straight do make out, that’s essentially what it boils down to. Unlike men, I don’t think women are by and large revulsed by the idea of kissing someone of the same sex…most straight men would have a hard time holding back the vomit reflex if trying to kiss another man. I think beyond that, it’s really hard to ascribe a defnitive label such as straight, bi or gay and apply it to all women throughout the spectrum of humanity, which is where I think the problem lies for most people.

Like several others who have chimed in, my initial reaction to this question was WHA??? Simply because you seem adamant in the idea that on the straight to gay continuum, you are talking simply about straight women. The logical disconnect here is that kissing is not a biological imperative like breathing or eating, and therefore there must be some sort of motive for engaging in this behavior.

The standard motivation most of us would ascribe to making out would be some sort of physical, sexual, biological attraction to the other person. It can certainly be an “intimacy” thing where it’s far less about sex and more about closeness, but because of the nature of the act, and of intimacy itself, one can not completely strip the act of tongue kissing from its sexual components. It’s a matter of what is derived from the act, which again points to motive…what does one HOPE to derive from the act.

Many have brought up the main motives one might have for kissing…the most obvious is sexual stimulation. But when we are adamant that sexual stimulation is not it, we must examine other possibilities. Yes, there are certainly straight women, who due to our culture which celebrates girl on girl action, find the ability to do this simply because they’re not repulsed by it to be an attention getting act as many have pointed out. As others have pointed out, again, if you have no revulsion to the act, when issues of curiousity, be they wanting to know what it feels like to kiss someone, wanting to practice, curiousity as to the difference between how men and women kiss, or curiousity about what it’s like to kiss a girl…these elements boil down to curiousity.

Now the only argument I have with the way you have presented this however is that if the implication is that something occassionally occurs outside the realms of a) curiousity, b) sexual intimacy and c) attention grabbing, tehn I think you might have to re-examine point b. I’m not wholly convinced that a 0 to 7 scale can completely underscore all the nuances of human sexuality for BOTH sexes. As you say, a woman may have absolutely no desire to date or even have intercourse with another woman, nor does she get the same feeling of desire welling up when kissing a woman as she does when kissing a man, but she may be getting “something” out of it. Something I’d say that is a bit more ethereal than just the urge to merge. Again, it boils down to an issue of motive…in order to engage in the activity, you have to be getting SOMETHING out of it.

redsgirl4eva's avatar

I believe although they say they are straight that they are either bi or bi-wondering because most straight women would not make out with any other woman straight, bi ,or not.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

So much has been said, that I feel like my opinion on the subject would just be an act of repetition; suffice it to say, I think there’s nothing wrong with two girls having fun however they want, and however they define it.

Okay, I’ll admit that I’m an 18–25 woman who has never made out with another woman. I would do it, but probably not with one of my close friends. For some reason I can’t image that. So I’m really curious about the whole thing. GoS, you said that you don’t consider it romantic, have you ever kissed a girl while you had a boyfriend? If so, did you talk about it with him before or after? Do you or has he consider(ed) it cheating?

MissAnthrope's avatar

Wow.. this has been the most interesting discussion! I’ve been raptly reading all the responses. dalepetrie, part of your post made me have a brilliant thought about the visceral reaction many guys seem to have about homosexual activity. Thanks. :)

A sex therapist told someone I know that most women are bisexual. I’m not sure I agree, but I do think that many women are open to the idea. As it becomes more socially accepted, I think we’ll see an increase in women experimenting with other women.

As for your situation, I don’t know.. Dag, why don’t any of my female friends want to make out?? Why didn’t I ever get invited to any of those kinds of slumber parties?? So unfair.

I guess am having a hard time understanding why, too. I mean, usually straight people don’t make out with each other. But I guess if you’re having fun and no one is getting hurt, kiss on!

Sueanne_Tremendous's avatar

As a lesbian I cannot speak as a straight woman. All I can say is that I know straight women who want to make out with me because I am a lesbian. I ask them why they are so hot to make out and the answer is invariable: Women kiss better then men. Men aren’t necessarily bad kissers, it’s just that woman…ummm…know what another woman wants. Are these ladies bi-sexual? I don’t think so, for the most part. They just like kissing. And, they will kiss straight or gay woman to feed the need.

redsgirl4eva's avatar

@ AlenaD maybe she meant they are either bi or bi-curious. I don’t agree with it either just a thought.

Randy's avatar

Getting away from the classic stereotype, I’m not into two girls together. To me it’s no different than two guys making out. Neither is my cup of tea. I’ve been with girls and been around girls who kiss and make out with other girls, but it does nothing for me. I’d much rather them come make out with me.

SeekerSeekiing's avatar


*I feel fine about anybody making out with anybody. Who am I to judge? I think America, especially with our Puritan roots, make way toooooo much about ANYTHING sexual…with lots of ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’... I think anytime judgment comes out—it’s because of that person being uncomfortable with it.

I think our sexuality has the potential to be much for fluid than some societies allow or desire. Perhaps our sexuality can change over time…within different environs and different social confines.

The binary gender construct is the one we have grown up with, it’s the way things “ought to be.” And along with the construct in the past we were also conditioned on how we must act and believe. Masculine men are rough around the edges. The are ONLY attracted to females, similar constructs are in place for women and how they should act.

But it never took into consideration that guy, who is ONLY attracted to women, but who but do not have ‘masculine attitudes’ or ‘masculine ways of communication.’ Same for women.

I think our sexuality is a paradigm and perhaps even in our singular lifetime we can experience many different feelings, attractions, and experimentations.

And again, I think the ones who are not comfortable with this and make concrete judgments—are the ones who do not want to look outside the confines of the roles assigned.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Girl of Science, where did you go? I saw you have answered other questions but not mine since I asked them! If I offended with them I really did not mean to!
I actually have tons of questions but I wanted to stick to a few, so as not to scare you off. Maybe I chose the wrong ones…

ninjaxmarc's avatar

they like to experiment.

girlofscience's avatar

@La_chica_gomela: Haha, I am sorry, I left work, and completely forgot about your question. I had actually started to answer it before, but left work before I could finish. You did not offend me! Haha. I would be glad to answer any of your questions.

Yes, I have kissed a girl while I had a boyfriend. I have been dating my current boyfriend for two years. About a few months into our “official” relationship, I slept at my best friend Natalie’s house and made out with her in one of the innocent girly relationships I mentioned before. The next day, when my boyfriend asked how my night was, of course I mentioned that, and he did not mind. He knew Natalie even before I started dating him, and he knew her as my best friend, and knew that we had made out before, so he really didn’t view it as odd at all, and he knew it was not “sexual.”

Under those circumstances, I would only hope that he would understand and not view it as a betrayal (as it clearly was not). He seemed to view it correctly and therefore was not offended. However, if I went to a random party and made out with some random chick there, I would expect him to be offended. (Of course I would not do that.)

pinky134's avatar

In my opinion. Two straight women don’t make out with each other. Not unless it’s for a guy. Otherwise two women interesting in kissing one another wouldn’t be straight.

trumi's avatar

You’re both late and wrong.

SeekerSeekiing's avatar

pinky134, unless they are just very curious ‘straight girls,’ or women who have become very disappointed with men.

sands's avatar

I’m straight and I’ve had many female friends. I have never made out with any of them( nor have I wanted to) and they wouldn’t consider doing so with me. A truly straight woman would not be interested in making out with another woman, just as a truly straight man would not consider or want to make out with another man. It’s not possible.

Noel_S_Leitmotiv's avatar

Doesnt sound very straight to me.

Fireinsideme's avatar

I found this site by accident (gladly) and was intrigued by this question and answers.
I personally think straight women (I’m a woman) who kiss other women is wonderful, and extremely sexy… AND… since I only go out with straight women. I don’t label myself Lesbian, or Gay even though I highly support the Gay & Lesbians Community! :) I find myself looking… being totally captivated… by the beauty of women. Now… I don’t make out with my FRIENDS, it gets to personal and becomes strange, and you wined up NOT being friends. But I do seem to see an IN thing with women, which I say more power to you. I’m raising my hand to any women, who wants to make out with me! ;) Single, and loving it, but always looking for a straight woman to hangout with. BTW… curiosity is such a great intense way of getting a great passionate kiss from another woman… chills up and down my spine! ;) Just got back from Vegas, and women are always kissing/making out… my favorite thing to say; I Love Las Vegas… with huge Smile on my face! :-) Straight women everywhere continue to kiss… and better yet make out… believe me… it’s all Good!! :) Now this is my new site I’ll be checking out more often! Everyone have an Awesome Night!

soverytrue's avatar

i am a straight man looking for a straight woman, one that is down to earth, very caring and loving. i will treat her with the most respect, and be just as very caring and loving too. since i live down the shore, many women are LESBIANS and they obviously hate us men. even the straight ones seem to have an attitude problem, making it worse. i was married at one time, and i was a very caring and loving husband and never mistreated her at all. she cheated on me with another woman, so you can see how bitter i am. and i am sure you can’t blame me. now i just go out and hope that i will be at the right place at the right time to meet a real good honest one this time.

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