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janbb's avatar

Does Fluther "hae the giftie gie us"?

Asked by janbb (51185points) 1 month ago

“To see ourselves as others see us.” Those are the words (almost) of Robert Burns the Scottish poet but I am wondering if any Fluther interactions have given you new insights into yourself or how you come across to people.

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31 Answers

canidmajor's avatar

Yes and no…Interactions here are different than IRL. Here we are not interrupted, we can’t judge by anything other than lines of text, and we are rarely interacting in circumstances that are similar to real life.
But it is interesting for me to note that the people who don’t like me here have reasons to feel that way, I can see where I have offended/annoyed them. Because these discussions will likely never have an impact on my life in my community, I don’t take as much care with my responses to make sure that the ripples will not come back.

But then, I don’t share the details of my personal life like some others do, so I don’t get the feedback that they do.

Berserker's avatar

Negative. Most people here are much too enamored with themselves, their opinions and exploits to offer that kind of insight, even over time.

janbb's avatar

Personally, I think I can be more snarky at times than I usually am in real life – although I used to be pretty biting there at times too. I do find it interesting that often the people I’m directing my snark towards don’t perceive it as such so maybe it’s a win-win.

I also have discovered that it’s futile to engage in political discussions with people who strongly don’t agree with me. Nobody changes their minds so there’s no use getting upset.

Coloma's avatar

How we are all perceived is subjective, dependent on the perceivers perception.
I feel that the way I am perceived here is a fairly accurate representation which many would say is humorous, outspoken, & not afraid to rock the boat at times.
Some would add other, less favorable, labels while still others would add even more positive traits. Either way it’s fine with me, people will think what they want to think based on their own sensitivities and baggage and general nature.

I do not do snark for no other reason than because I’m feeling bitchy in the moment or cliquish with other members or just looking to take my crappy mood out on others.
If I get snarky with you it’s born of a very conscious and genuine intent because I don’t like you and haven’t liked you for a long time. LOL

Mariah's avatar

It surprises me that some people see me as fragile or a “snowflake” because I think I’m tough as fuck.

chyna's avatar

Ok, Mariah, I KNOW you are tough as fuck. But to look at you, you are as cute as tinkerbell so sue me.

Mariah's avatar

Awww :’)

Mimishu1995's avatar

A million yes! I have said this before, and now I say it again: this site boosts my self-confidence by showing me another side of my personality. Many people irl have negative opinions about me, saying that I need to change myself completely to even survive. For a long time I had no belief in myself, thinking I was always the villain and no one liked me. People on this site gave me another way to look at myself. I’m not as bad as I thought, and I should stop depending too much on people’s opinions to lead a healthier life.

I read somewhere that in order to feel good you have to surround yourself with supportive people. Once I found a good support system my confidence grew, and with my confidence improving I can attract better people irl. It’s like a butterfly effect, one good thing leads to another.

funkdaddy's avatar

I’ve thought about asking a question to get jellies to do a quick personality profile on me (and encourage others who participate to do the same) just to see how accurate I’d consider it, and see what I’m putting out into the flutherverse. It feels like one of those things that could go very badly though and might be against the rules around here.

I think so much of how we see others here is a reflection of ourselves. We fill in so many blanks because really, even over time, it’s pretty limited information that we’re working with. A lot of times we have trouble imagining people are that different from us without just rejecting them all together. People get thrown in as archetypes and sometimes it’s tough to identify those things that make them unique instead.

So I think it’s more like fluther shows us how the world sees our opinions as we’re able to express them. But that’s not really us, just a limited little window, tempered by our perception of what fluther is.

janbb's avatar

Perhaps, but I do think that over time a great deal can be perceived about some people from what they reveal of themselves here.

@funkdaddy For example, I see you as a very concerned and involved father of young kids, a techie professional who is very thoughtful and measured in his responses. Clearly, that isn’t all you are but I do know you to some extent. And the question is really have you learned things about yourself from responses to you here.

Coloma's avatar

Personally, being an outspoken extrovert in real life as I am here, I think a lot of snarky projection comes from the more introverted types that vicariously enjoy spouting their snark on others, passively, from behind the safety of their monitors. Extroverts do not engage in passive aggression or projection as they are naturally assertive and communicate in a direct manner. Personality style has a lot to do with perception.

More sensitive types are naturally going to think some are “mean” when confronted with a tell it like it is mentality. Vice versa as well. As an extrovert I loathe passive aggressive digs and other PA bullshit, the preferred methodology of cowards IMO and the quickest way to fall from grace with me.

janbb's avatar

This question was supposed to be more about what you might have learned about yourself from participating here rather than a place to vent about others. But we all reveal ourselves anyway. Certainly no one would accuse you of sensitivity, @Coloma LOL

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

I’m way more snarky and outspoken here. Frankly, this is simply an outlet.

Coloma's avatar

@janbb Being perceived as insensitive in the fluther realm on occasion is a mere sliver in the big picture of what sparks my sensitivities.
Being perceived as insensitive sits with me much better than being perceived as snarky and passive aggressive and insipid. What I have learned about myself from participating in fluther is just a driving home of what I have already long known. I do not blend well with hypersensitive, overly emotional, passive aggressive, bossy, randomly snarky and whiney people. LOL indeed @janbb, I gave you a GA.

canidmajor's avatar

I’m taller here.

janbb's avatar

@Coloma Ok. You’ve said your say which sounded like an attack but on whom or why I’m not sure. Can we drop it now? I’d really like to hear from other people and have no need to have a pissing match on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

canidmajor's avatar

But…but…she gave you a GA, @janbb, a GA! I mean, wow!

Coloma's avatar

@janbb There’s that bossy.
@canidmajor Surprise, kinda messes up the bell shaped curve ey? LOL

canidmajor's avatar

Ah, the classic “no soap, radio” riposte. Betcha didn’t think I knew that one, didja? LOL

Berserker's avatar

So introverts are the scourge of the internet now, lol.

janbb's avatar

@Berserker Didn’t you know that already?

chyna's avatar

@Berserker Apparently, lol.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Coloma I think snarkiness or passive aggression have nothing to do with introversion. They have more to do with refusing to take responsibility and accept your faults. I have seen many extroverts who are horribly snarky and passive aggressive. A notable example is a drama queen in high school. She was one of the most outgoing and talkative person I have ever known, a classic example of an extrovert she was the one who approached me and tried to befriend me anyway, but when thing went wrong, she threw tantrum at me and said very snarky and hurtful things, things that sounded a lot like passive aggression and made me doubt the very core of my existence, for example “No, I’m not angry with you at all. I just hate myself for expecting from you too much. I thought you could do much better”. Her tantrum and passive aggression almost destroyed me. I found out much later that the very reason for that was because she refused to take responsibility for anything because she didn’t want her friendly image to be stained, but she needed a perfect mask to pretend that she didn’t try to blame anyone, hence all the snarkiness and indirectness. Now does it sound like anyone you know @Coloma? Assholes are assholes, no matter how much they talk or how approachable they are.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I’m actually quite an introspective person. I do reflect on how I have behaved, why and on how other people have reacted to my actions. When I first came here, many years ago, I was surprised how much it bugged me when I gave an answer and got no GAs while long-standing Fluther members made the same comment after me and were lauded with many GAs. I soon learned how fickle Fluther is and how cliquey our community can be. It did teach me about myself and my responses.

Not that I’ve got a thin skin, but I think it’s helped me to learn how to let things go when someone is upset with me. I might respond once or twice, but then I know the best thing to do is ‘walk away’. I think this has carried over into my real life.

Overall, I don’t think we do learn too much about ourselves. I like @funkdaddy‘s idea. It would be fascinating if people could provide an overview of how they view other members (in a respectful and kind way). For instance, I thought @Sneki was a man for so long!

Coloma's avatar

@Mimishu1995 Of course, assholes show up in all personalty styles.
I didn’t say all introverts were prone to those behaviors only that, in my experience, many are as they can have a harder time expressing themselves in a more direct manner. All the most passive aggressive types I have known have been introverts but that certainly doesn’t mean it is confined to just introverts just more likely IMO.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Coloma My experience was the total opposite. Some of the most passive aggressive people I know are actually extroverts :P

Not to argue with you in any way though. Assholes show up in every personality type anyway :)

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

People, can we not get into a bitching session about whether introverts are nicer than extroverts or vice versa. Niceness and obnoxious behaviour occur on both sides of that spectrum. And that’s also not what the OP asked about.

ucme's avatar

<<< Just a laid back cool mofo :D

Berserker's avatar

^
Striking a smexy pose at that. :D

ucme's avatar

Haha pure accident of course :D

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