General Question

imrainmaker's avatar

How much do you share with your partner about past relationships?

Asked by imrainmaker (8375points) September 10th, 2017

I was intrigued by an answer to earlier question where user was annoyed when her husband told stories about past relationships. How much have you shared with your so and vice versa? Do you get annoyed by that or are cool with it?

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17 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

I had a girlfriend that I shared a lot with, and she shared a lot with me. And it seemed fine at the time, like I was being open and honest and she was too.

But in my current relationship we have not delved into too much deep stuff about each other’s past. We both know the other had one, but why distract from the present? Other than making sure neither of us has a pathology that needs to be resolved, the past is past.

To quote Carly Simon:

In the name of honesty, in the name of what is fair
You always answer my questions
But they don’t always answer my prayers
And though I know you say that it’s me that you adore
Sometimes I wish
Often I wish
That I never, never, never knew
Some of those secrets of yours

LeavesNoTrace's avatar

In my experience (learning the hard way), the less you share about that, the better. It almost always comes up somehow later on in a way you wish it wouldn’t.

filmfann's avatar

I am still friends with several women I used to date, and my wife is comfortable with that, but my wife and I do not discuss details about past relationships.

Love_my_doggie's avatar

I’m still friends or friendly with a number of my exes, and the Hubster’s fine with that. After all, he’s the man who won the exquisite prize that I truly am…

Beyond that, I don’t mention names or talk about any guys from my past. What would be the point?

seawulf575's avatar

My wife knows about my past girlfriends. We were both married once before and we dated before we met. Not a real secret. The only thing my wife asked was for the ex-girlfriend to not be calling me up all the time. Done. She’s an ex for a reason. Been married now for 16 years and going strong. I believe that if your relationship with your wife is strong, it should be able to handle something as banal as an ex.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Some. I’ve found tho that the new guy doesn’t want to hear anything nice or flattering about the ex.
We’ll Jesus. I wasn’t married for 10 years to someone I disliked the WHOLE time.

zenvelo's avatar

The classic take on this question:

Who are you really, and what were you before? What did you do and what did you think, huh?

We said no questions.

NomoreY_A's avatar

One thing I learned early in life, is that you never mention another woman in an amorous light, when you’re with a woman. That always went south for me. If they want to tell me about their past relationships, that’s on them. I will listen politely and pretend to be paying attention. I call that, “Diplomacy”.

anniereborn's avatar

I am totally cool with it and thankfully so is my husband. I was with my ex-husband for 12 years, ages 18–30….my entire young adult life. That is a lot of my past to just cut out. It would be like cutting off an arm and pretending I never had one.

NomoreY_A's avatar

@anniereborn I know what you mean. I had a female friend one time, who, after we had sifted thru photos of her wedding day (She was recently divorced) actually said that she was going to toss the whole album in the trash, or go burn it. I told her I thought that was ridiculous, because it was a part of her life, and like it or not, destroying memories would not change a thing. She agreed, and put the album back I her dresser drawer.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

We both know each other’s former wife/husband. And we have some shared history as couples who were once friends, so they come up in conversation and there’s no jealousy. Neither of us talk much about other exes. It’s not a taboo subject, but they’re in our past and don’t come up much. We wouldn’t talk about intimate aspects of our relationships. Just because that’s not something I want to put in my husband’s head and not something I want to think about myself really. I don’t care or want to know what his sex life was like with someone else.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Much of it depends on how secure the person is. I see Rick’s ex quite often at birthday things and such. I have 0 problem. We talk. I wouldn’t call her a friend because she’s not real bright, not much sense of humor, and we have nothing in common but she’s pleasant.

flutherother's avatar

We don’t talk about our previous partners much as they just don’t come up in our conversations very often. I don’t ask about hers and she doesn’t ask about mine. After eight years of silence my ex has taken to calling me recently. We were polite and we caught up on each other’s news but I felt uncomfortable with the conversation and had to courteously discontinue it.

tranquilsea's avatar

My husband knows about all of mine and I know about all of his.

The awkward questions come from our kids when THEY ask about our previous relationships.

CalHoncho's avatar

I share as much as my wife wants to know. I don’t provide any information at random, because you never know how that will be taken. But if she asks, I’m honest and I tell. She’s never asked super detailed questions for the most part, but if she did I would be honest and tell. Doesn’t bother me one bit. She should know everything about me and I should her.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t agree that ” She should know everything about me and I should her.” We all have things we’d rather not share.

CalHoncho's avatar

@Dutchess_III I can see where some would feel that some things are better left unsaid, especially if it would cause hurt feelings. But for me I can’t really think of anything that she could reveal to me that would bother me. Some guy could have been a better lover in her past, IDK, wouldn’t bother me.

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