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redsgirl4eva's avatar

I don't know what to do I find out some horrible news today and I don't know how to deal with it.

Asked by redsgirl4eva (262points) August 12th, 2008

I quit drink alcohol and taking all kinds of drugs about four months ago. Problem is today I found out that my biological mother may have cancer.She is going to have a Colonoscopy doneto find out if she has a form of cancer. My mom possibly having cancer is bad enough but my dad has Lung Cancer, and on April 13,1998 I lost my step-mom, who I was very close to from Ovarian to Brain cancer. So I know the risk of Cancer. My biggest problem right now is that I am thinking of just saying WTF and getting drunk and higher then heck although I know it is not the greatest idea for me to do that.I just don’t know how to deal with this.Does anyone have any suggestions? I have already gone to NA and AA meetings today and talked with others about it.

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14 Answers

loser's avatar

Hang in there! Just keep talking and you won’t be drinking or using. So sorry to hear the news.

Randy's avatar

That’s rough. I’m sorry to hear about this. But look, you don’t need a substance to help you. Just ask yourself what it will do for you. Be strong, if not just for your own sake, than for the sake of your parents and step parents.

gailcalled's avatar

How many cancer survivors are on Fluther besides me (breast, stage II in two lymph nodes – 12 years and counting.) My cousin David is a colon cancer survivor – 15 years. He had a piece of bowel removed and the loose ends reattached. My cousin Susan is a Multiple Myeloma survivor and my ex- is a Lymphoma survivor. We are all over 65.

It is not a death sentence, altho I know that your step-mother died of metasthisized breast cancer. The treatments today are very good.

That said, I am truly sorry. Keep yourself clean and sober so that you can help your mother if and when she needs it. Think about her and not yourself. Be a good model for your kids.

tinyfaery's avatar

Do anything you can: read, write, cook, play a sport, watch tv, play with an animal, exercise. You have to keep yourself distracted. Tiring yourself out in some way will help to calm your emotions.

Also, ask yourself what good will using do you? Will it change anything? Will it bring back your step-mom, or insure that your mom is cancer free? Using might not even dull your pain; it could make it worse. How would your family feel if they knew you used them as an excuse to use?

This is a very precarious time for you. Do you have a sponsor? Can you have someone sit with you, and help you distract yourself. Overwhelming emotions tend to be fleeting. Do what you can until the intensity passes.

newfietom's avatar

What will you change by taking a drink? Your mom needs you and if you drink, you (the whole you) won’t be available for your mom when she needs you the most. Reach for the phone and call a friend who will understand. Call your sponsor or call your counselor. If you don’t have either one of these right now, you can still call AA and get connected with someone who has been there and knows exactly what you’re going through and help you make it. Go to a meeting if there’s one available. Take an action that will lead you to a sober decision.

I am so sorry you are faced with this terrible pain. Keep working the program and the program will work.


wundayatta's avatar

Can you think of it like this? It doesn’t matter if pain is physical or mental. When we hurt, we want relief. We take medicine. When we don’t know we can ask for medicine, and we have no idea how to treat the pain non-medically, we self-medicate.

Ok. You know the pain. It hurts like hell. You’re probably worried to death, and unsure of the future, and wishing it would all turn out to be a dream—a nightmare. You want to wake up and find it all gone away.

It won’t go away. Not even if you medicate with something that gets you high. You know this. And the knowledge is a tool to keep you away from a stupid and temporary solution to the problem. As others suggest, talking and talking also helps. Just find people to be with.

When we give up fighting our pains, we often descend into extreme depression, which can end up in death, as well. It’s worth fighting this, I think, although I have felt its seductive pull. I never really wanted to die, but I just wanted the pain to end, and it seemed like that might be the only way.

Well, my depression did end, with medication and some other work. It wasn’t easy, and I’m really scared of it coming back. Today, for example, was a bad day. Not as bad as many, but still, bad enough. I have a good friend who understands, and usually talks me out of things, but unfortunately, I have not been able to reach her yet.

In the end, without drugs, you’ve got to rely on yourself, and your intelligence. You know the drugs are a temporary end to the pain. If you face your pain, and let yourself feel it, you will get through it, and the side effects won’t be nearly as bad.

My best wishes to you and to your Mom.


LKidKyle1985's avatar

You have come a long way just to throw it all down the tubes. Think of the life you have now, and the one you had. which would you prefer…. I think the answer is obvious.

redsgirl4eva's avatar

Everyone of your answers have been great ones. I gave you a great answer for them too. They all have helped a lot for me. I know it is not the right thing for me to do but I have trouble do the right thing when it comes to mental/emotional pain. I know the right answers sometimes but the wrong one are usually the one I do.

marinelife's avatar

Please try to stay sober. Go to meetings all night and all day if you have to. Do you have a sponsor? If so, call them. If not, get one. You need support.

Yell into or hit a pillow. Close the door to the bathroom, run the water loudly and scream out your pain and anger. Just don’t drink or use.

Please take care of yourself during this difficult time.

augustlan's avatar

reds: I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this…we’re all pulling for you.

susanc's avatar

Reds, read and reread what daloon said. Daloon knows what you’re going through.
Stay as straight as you can. If you can’t stay straight, then get straight again as soon as you can.
You know that being straight is “better” but you may not be able to do it all the time.
You’re forgiven.
Begin again.
Love for you tonight.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I just want you to know we’re all here for you, supporting you, and thinking about you. Just take it one day at the time. I can tell you’re a really strong person.

scamp's avatar

Just remember this: If your Mom does have cancer, she is going to need your support, and you can’t give her what she needs if you aren’t clean and sober. Tell yourself that you are doing this for her. I wish you both all the best. Stay strong for both her and yourself. If you can get through this, you will be much stronger for it.

newfietom's avatar

how are things going, Reds? Hope you’re doing well… let us know.

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