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Sunshinegirl11's avatar

How do you react when people make plans right in front of you?

Asked by Sunshinegirl11 (1102points) September 21st, 2017 from iPhone

I’m really hurt. I texted these 2 girls asking if they would like to get lunch with me tomorrow. I’m getting to know them and so I thought I’d ask them to hang out. They both said they were busy so I understood.

Well they didn’t realize it, but in our same group text, one of them asked the other if they wanted to go to a movie tomorrow night. She said yes. I didn’t respond and I’m not going to bring it up. But it makes me not want to be friends with them anymore.

I know when I see them next I’ll still act kind and be my normal self, but my ego is kind of bruised.

How do you respond to that???

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9 Answers

Patty_Melt's avatar

Perhaps one gets jealous when the other adds in friends.

Muad_Dib's avatar

I’m not sure I follow. Tomorrow afternoon isn’t the same as tomorrow night. They can be busy in the afternoon but not busy in the evening. Do you not want to go to the movie? Were you specifically not invited to the movie? Why couldn’t you join them?

Seems like a silly thing to break up a friendship over, especially if you’re just getting to know them.

Sunshinegirl11's avatar

@Muad_Dib I guess you are right. I can get social anxiety so maybe I am over reacting. I wasn’t invited to the movie, which I guess is what I am upset about. I invited them for earlier, they said they were busy. But then they go to a movie that same day without even inviting me.

The text went “Hey Anna! Want to go to a movie tomorrow night at 6:15?” So it was specifically directed towards Anna and not me. I feel rude inviting myself.

I’m not going to cut off our friendships. You made a good point in that I am still getting to know them. Thanks for your advice though! :)

janbb's avatar

A guy I like invited one of my friends to a concert with him in front of me and a whole group. It hurt muchly. Give these new friends time and see what happens with them.

snowberry's avatar

Sweetie, it’s not about you. It’s about them, and what they want. They could have any number of reasons for wanting to be alone together.

It’s probably not “We don’t like @Sunshinegirl11, so let’s not invite her to the movie.” Give it some time, and in the meantime, try to make other friends.

JLeslie's avatar

Are you sure you aren’t invited?

jca's avatar

I can understand your disappointment. You might have thought since you were asking about lunch plans, they’d then include you on their evening plans.

Maybe they’re not into you which is why they were both “busy” for lunch and then not including you for the evening plan. I find it rude that they had this conversation via text and seemed to leave you out. It sounds to me like they left you out, as long as one directly called the other by name. On a three way text, if one said “are you free to go to the movies?” I’d think it was for all three recipients. However, if one said “Mary, are you free to go to the movies?” I’d be insulted. If that’s the case, and the text was specifically directed at one and not the other, I’d give trying to get together with these girls a break. Let them make the next invite, and if they never do, you know where you stand.

Inspired_2write's avatar

As it is a new group , I’d say that they have not accepted you as yet? Perhaps they wanted to get together themselves to discuss your joining this group?
In any case get busy doing your own interests and realize that your worth is not dependant on their approval.( if this is a feeling generated from childhood ..feeling this will come up every time you are not welcomed?...realize that one has these issues and move on).
As one ages into maturity an adult becomes his/her own person and doesn’t need peer pressure to be accepted as they accept themselves already.
Lots of people are independant , and they are called leaders.
Start you own group instead..interests.

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