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wcarsenal's avatar

Should I say goodbye to my girlfriend before leaving?

Asked by wcarsenal (26points) 2 weeks ago

We have been dating for 8 months, I’m a student in her country but it’s time for me to leave now and she doesn’t know I’m leaving. I love her so much but there’s 90% chance we might not see each other again after I leave. Part of me is telling me to say goodbye before I leave although it will be very difficult saying goodbye, the other part of me is telling me to just leave without saying goodbye which I know is a bad thing to do but might ease the heartache for the both of us. And actually the reason why she doesn’t know I’m leaving was because she’s been ghosting me for 2 weeks now and even blocks in Instagram. I know a lot of people will say just forget her and move on but for it will easier for me to move if say goodbye before leaving and I won’t have any unfinished business with her. But if I don’t say goodbye I know I’ll regret it later and I know she doesn’t deserve goodbye considering what she did to me, but this is about me moving on not her. What do you guys think?

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18 Answers

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Make an attempt to say goodbye by reaching out to her somehow. If she allows you to reach her, good. If not, also good. You did your part.

Zaku's avatar

”...part of me is telling me to just leave without saying goodbye which I know is a bad thing to do but might ease the heartache for the both of us.”
You might think it might ease your heartache, but how about hers? Imagine if your girlfriend just left the country one day without having told you they were going to go!

“And actually the reason why she doesn’t know I’m leaving was because she’s been ghosting me for 2 weeks now and even blocks in Instagram.”
And do you know why? Could it be because she figured out you are leaving and not telling her?

Are you leaving something out of what you wrote to us, or does part of you leave these things out when relating to her? These are some very large gaps either way. I think you should ask her what is up and tell her you are leaving, both.

Even from an entirely selfish and ego-defensive perspective, leaving without communicating is going to leave two large incomplete issues for you and for her. It’s a common human defense strategy to avoid difficult things like this to try to avoid upset, but there’s stuff that wants attention here, and ignoring it won’t heal it.

Darth_Algar's avatar

Sounds like she’s already said goodbye, whether she knows you’re leaving or not.

rojo's avatar

For my own peace of mind I would say goodbye. As @Darth_Algar points out, maybe she already knows or perhaps she is just over you and trying to move on without confrontation. Either way, the die is cast. Making the effort is the morally right thing to do, you know it, you just don’t want to do it but in the long run you will have a better opinion of your actions and of yourself.
And, who knows, maybe her opinion of you will rise a notch also. Over time.

janbb's avatar

You should say goodbye for both your sakes.

jca's avatar

No matter what she’s been doing, saying goodbye to her is the right thing to do, in my opinion.

kritiper's avatar

It wouldn’t hurt to leave her a very casual note of some sort be it verbal or written. But be emotionless, final.

wcarsenal's avatar

@kritiper so you think meeting in person is not a good idea?

janbb's avatar

@wcarsenal I think if you’ve been dating for 8 months, an in person meeting is warranted.

Darth_Algar's avatar

She’s been ghosting him and blocking him on social media. What makes anyone think she even wants to see or hear from him? Sounds like she’s moved on already.

wcarsenal's avatar

@Darth_Algar sure she might have moved on already, but like I said. This is about me moving on not her. Sure I would like know why she did this but if she doesn’t wanna tell me fine, I just want to say what I want to say to her before I leave and I understand it might not mean anything to her but it will to me knowing I said what I wanted to.

BellaB's avatar

Send her a card. No return address. Short note saying you enjoyed your time with her (if that is true) and that you wish her the best for the future.


There is no upside to trying to say good-bye in person to someone who doesn’t want you to contact her.

BellaB's avatar

You’re awfully focussed on saying what you want to say to someone who doesn’t want contact from you. That suggests that she could be right to have taken that stance.

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jca's avatar

@wcarsenal: Did you leave? Did you say goodbye?

kritiper's avatar

@wcarsenal You might scare her into thinking you are a threat to her safety. Best to do it from afar. In writing.

wcarsenal's avatar

@jca I did. I sent her a text, I explained everything and asked why she stopped talking to me but she never explains I got the feeling there’s another guy. Anyways it doesn’t matter now

kritiper's avatar

@wcarsenal I think you did well. Good luck!

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