General Question

Spargett's avatar

What was the worst breakup you've ever had?

Asked by Spargett (5382points) August 13th, 2008

There’s gotta be some bad ones.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

55 Answers

Bri_L's avatar

Someone I was going to propose to was cheating on me. Big time hurt.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

my gf of five years cheated on me.
The week before I found out from her sister and bestfriend’s bf, she was talking about our future together, marriage, house buying, etc. While she was in school and not working, I supported her, car insurance, car payment, bills, money to spend. It just made finding out even worse.

And from what I hear she downgraded.

On top of that she wanted to stay friends, how do stay friends with someone you can’t even trust? I didn’t. I’m glad I moved on because I’m happy and she’s miserable.

Bri_L's avatar

I feel better now.

Sorry to hear that Ninjamarc!

ninjaxmarc's avatar

Thanks Bri!

it’s the past, I took from the experience and moved on. I’m happy :) and I’m
Not in denial :P

Bri_L's avatar

Excellent! That is a terrible state! Worse than WI. I actually was cheated on by my next girlfriend to. After that I was pretty gun shy. But what can you do but get back on the horse.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

My worst break up actually didn’t involve cheating (as far as I know). We had been together for a long time, but we had never been right for each other. We discussed the idea of breaking up on and off for a few weeks. Then after doing something selfish that wasn’t intended to hurt me, but did anyway (long story), the next day he said it was over. We had built our lives together, and it was really hard to figure out how to live a different way. After a few days, he begged me to come back, but I knew that it was the wrong choice for me. Now I don’t understand how I could love him so much, because when I think about him, I don’t feel love, hate, or even affection. He’s just some guy.

Bri_L's avatar

@ La chica gomela – wow, I wonder what it was that enabled that dependency up? I certainly know it is possible from my own experience. Glad you got out!

wundayatta's avatar

I so totally fell for my first love. We were together two years—my final two years at college. Over the summer break, she slept with someone else, and then, when we were living together the next fall, she would talk to him occasionally. I should have seen the writing on the wall, but I was in love.

She used my graduation as a way to ditch me. I had no idea it was coming, and she made the worst decision possible: she tried to keep me from being hurt. She’d talk to me and visit me…. Yech!

It took me two years before I was over her enough to not think about her every day. It was the most awful breakup of my life. It taught me breakup lesson number one: do it fast and clean! Anything else is torture for the other person.

Lovelocke's avatar

There are no fingerprints deep underwater, nothing to tie one to a crime: And if you seek vengeance, all you need are instruments of pain.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

daloon, I so agree. Honestly I think it’s torture for both people! My ex that I mentioned came out of the whole thing a lot worse than I did. There was a period when he was near suicidal. And I didn’t want to go into all the boring details because it was really an epic breakup, but suffice it to say, there were many many stages. Each stage I thought would be the last.

Judi's avatar

30 years ago I was engaged and my fiance’s father came unannounced from 3000 miles away and drug him away because I was not the right pedigree. Sad thing is I never saw it coming because his parents were missionaries. I was young and naive then and so was he. I thought that just because someone called themselves a Christian they would act like a Christian. I learned the hard way that I can’t put my faith in people that claim to represent God. I also learned that God is faithful. My life is much better now than it would have been with him. A couple of years ago he divorced the wife his daddy picked and wanted me to leave my husband and hook up. He was so pathetic and I realized how blessed I am to have the husband and life that I have. All is as it was meant to be, but it sure didn’t feel like it back then.

McBean's avatar

About 13 years ago I was engaged to a man I’d been living with for for 2 1/2 years. He was very, very “busy”. He owned a company out of town and often commuted daily to and from the company (flew his own plane). He spent almost every night in our home, but he was often 2 or 3 hours later than he’d promised to be. He missed countless dinner dates that we had made with other people; would plan dinner parties and invite several friends just to show up after all the work had been done and we’d all been waiting for him for a few hours. Once, on a vacation, he left me at the hotel, promising to return in less 2 hours (after a brief breakfast meeting), but didn’t get back until almost dinnertime, calling 3 times during that wait to tell me not to leave the hotel room because he was just about “wrapping it up”.

To make a very long story short, I tried to leave him on two separate occasions, but he would cry real tears (worked on me every time)and convince me to stay. Because he was always so attentive when he was around, and we had sex almost every single night, I believed him when he told me he wasn’t cheating, but that he was working, instead, “so that we could provide a great life for our future children”.

Finally, I’d had enough of the broken promises (I knew I’d end up wanting to kill him if he made false promises to our kids the way he did to me) and left despite his tears. About a week after I’d left, my best friend showed me a newspaper society page with a photo of my fiance…and his other fiance. It was several months old. It turned out that one of the “business trips” that I had packed him for had been his engagement party and that he’d been engaged to her for the last 8 months we’d been living together! It still makes me sick to think of it.

It took a little over a year for me to trust myself enough to even go on a date again. How could I have been so blind and stupid? He was the most practiced liar I’ve ever known. He ended up being sued for embezzlement by his business parter (who had been his best friend since childhood).

Bri_L's avatar

McBean, what can I say. Lucky is the man who deserves and earns your love loyalty and trust again.

McBean's avatar

Thanks, Bri. I think so, too. ;-)

Mexicanamerican's avatar

man some of you guys have some really bad stories.. I don’t even want to chime in with mine… My worst is happening now, we were together for 8 months and to be honest I was already thinking of proposing. About 3 weeks ago I get a letter saying we aren’t right together and it’s over. I try to contact her and she doesn’t respond, she cut all ties with me and I don’t know why..

jasonhannah20's avatar

breaking up by text!
ah boys, never do that.

poofandmook's avatar

I dated a guy I’d been best friends with for 4 years before we got together. Actually it wasn’t really dating; I was in love with him but he wanted no part of it, and then one day he said he’d fallen for me, and he never went home. We were together for 2 months shy of 5 years when he finally told me he was tired of feeling emasculated by my taking care of him and that he wanted to be independent. He said he was too young to be tied down so seriously and that I wanted kids and marriage and he wasn’t ready. I, stupidly, asked him to stay in the apartment, and he made it sound like there was a definite possibility we could get back together and he stressed that he still wanted to be my friend because in that regard, he still loved me very much.

Within a week he had a new girlfriend from work that had been flirting with him for months, and within a month, she was pregnant. I said “I thought you weren’t ready to be tied down so seriously!” and he said “it’s time.” I said “it wasn’t time a month ago!” and he said “well if you had been pregnant then, it would’ve been time then too.”

So he kept delaying his move back to New York, claiming his boss wouldn’t put the transfer in if he left (he worked at TARGET for crying out loud), but then one day after I was tired of having his happiness rubbed in my face in my own goddamn apartment, I blurted “YOU’RE ONLY STAYING HERE SO YOU CAN KEEP FUCKING HER!!” To top it all off, we shared the brand new car he let his mother co-sign for with me, and I would put gas in it and then he’d take it, go 30 miles just to drive her 2 miles to work and then come home 30 miles, and then go 30 miles again to take her home from work, and never get gas money from her so I was paying for her friggin private taxi service.

ANYWAY, after 3 months of that garbage, he finally moved out, and 7 months later I met Brad, who I’ve been with for 2 years come December. So, bad story? Yeah I’d say so.

Oh, by the way, Mr. “I need to be independent” promptly moved in with his mother and started working for her day care. That’s SOME independence, boy. Yes sir.

McBean's avatar

@poofandmook: good riddance to him!

ezraglenn's avatar

see the second post by me here.

cak's avatar

Worst breakup…I was dating a really great guy, we both worked in the same industry, but for competitors. He was being transferred to my area and was just Mr. Wonderful. He and I had know each other for a while and he even started to mention marriage. One weekend he came in, we were looking at condos. Everything was going great, we found a place and started the paperwork. To celebrate, he took me to the mountains for a long weekend. We got back in town, we were at my apartment. His phone rang. He left the room, something he never did. He came back in, told me he had an emergency and had to leave town, right away. I asked what kind of emergency, he said his wife and children were in a very terrible car accident and he had to go.

After that, nothing. Not a word. His attorney took care of canceling the contract on the condo. He never called. I had no idea there was a wife or children in the picture.

Years later, I was interviewing potential employees and looking for someone to work along side of me – to take on some of my work, but to also take some of the travel off my shoulders. I was pregnant (married) and needed to slow down. I had a new last name…walked in and he was sitting there…waiting to be interviewed. Our company’s HR dept would pick the potential employees and then send them your way. It was a last minute add and I didn’t have time to read up on this person. I greated him and he went completely ghost white.

After listening to him, I finally ended the interview and let him know that I could never hire him, I understood what he was all about and understood that I could never work with him or trust him. He had lied about everything.

He went into a long story about how he was divorced, needed a job, etc. I simply thanked him for his time, but told him it wasn’t going to be the right fit.

McBean's avatar

Wow, cak. That’s awful. It’s so much worse when they just disappear like that. What a liar. What a coward. And then coming in and interviewing with you? Who says karma is bunk?

Wine3213's avatar

My gf in high school broke up with me when she thought we were going to different colleges. Then the first day of moving into the dorms, guess who I see? She was moving into the building right next to mine. She tried to get back with me, but I had already moved on.

jeanmay's avatar

Every Thursday I used to travel for two hours across Paris to meet him in his lunch hour. I knew it was all over when one Thursday he left me waiting for two hours outside Waffle World. I thought there must be a reasonable explanation for his absence, he seemed a reasonable guy. I sat there knitting his nephew a bobble hat and waited for his call. When he finally rang he was almost as horrified as me – he had simply forgotten to meet me! I would never have forgotten him, I was besotted. The tears came down, and the Waffle World lady even came out to ask if I was ok. I slunk back through Paris with a heavy heart, dragging my heals. He ended it not long after, and it was like the whole world was falling in on me. The whole Waffle World.

shockvalue's avatar

One time I broke my wrist. I was devastated.

poofandmook's avatar

he’ll be here all week, folks… drinks on the house

cak's avatar

@McBean…it was horrible! Oh well…karma worked!

Lovelocke's avatar

Worst breakup? Well, it lasted for about a year. The breakup, not the relationship. There was sneaking, spying, calling, making up, breaking up, fighting, hospital visits (for me, stress/anxiety = looney bin) and the whole nine.

Since then, I emerged as Lovelocke: A superhero dedicated to preserving the true essence of love for couples, singles and swingles around the world. Any love-related issue you can always come to me… I’m not claiming to be Jesus, but I’m always listening.

McBean's avatar

@Lovelocke: sorry to hear about that. It sounds like a wretched time.

Spargett's avatar

Nothing good comes easy.

noraasnave's avatar

Um…my worst breakup? This one…being in Iraq. Having my wife calling me less and less.

Having her tell me after much asking…that she has been spending time alone with old guy friends one at a time talking about all my faults.

Looking up our phone records and matching one number to the myspace page of a young marine…and finding his name matches one of the guy friends that she admitted spending time alone with…

then finding that she talked over 130 times in a month to that guy, starting with a long talk of 269 minutes. Then asking her about it and have her deny it, with the phone records right in front of me.

Then she starts talking about divorce and separation, asking me if I will be civil. Then I decide to ‘separated’ from her, instead of waiting to find out if she is going to remain committed to me when I get home from Iraq.

poofandmook's avatar

@noraasnave: That makes me ill >:(

Bri_L's avatar

@ noraasnave – buddy if there were anything I could do man.

augustlan's avatar

noraasnave, keep to the high road…it is obvious that she hasn’t. Stay safe over there!

MissAnthrope's avatar

So, I was bored and I got involved with someone I pretty much knew was no good . She had briefly dated my ex, who had given me the entire story and, thus, I knew what to expect. I got into it for a diversion, not for a serious relationship… I had her number and up until the end, I had it under control. Turns out, she was in love with my ex and only dating me in an attempt to make my ex jealous. My ex did not care and was, in fact, quite glad to be rid of this woman.

You see, she was fabulous sober, but once she started drinking, it was like Jekyll & Hyde. It was like a demon came out, she got so belligerent and nasty. My ex had told me all about her. Even though I knew she was trouble, I decided to play with fire anyway.. I just sort of expected that I could control it.

One night at the bar, I can’t even remember what happened, but my best friend got fed up with her attitude and behavior. My friend got in her face and told her off. He was being protective of me, but I could see things were going to hell in a handbasket really fast. I tried to stop it, but he was on a roll.

After the tongue-lashing, she took her drink and walked away from the bar. She hung around for about 10 minutes and left. When my friend and I left a couple of hours later… well, I lived in a small town and didn’t lock my car doors. I went to stick the key in the ignition and found… my mind couldn’t quite grasp it at first, so I kept feeling around with my fingers. Where the ignition should have been, there was a big gaping hole!

Yes, kids, the crazy lady stole my ignition. I never spoke to her again, but she was confronted about it and denied it up and down. However, word got to me through the grapevine that she’d bragged to her friend about it, and about how easy it was to pop out an ignition with a screwdriver.

Worst. (and most expensive). Breakup. Ever.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

wow, Alena! that is a really crazy story!!
oh, and i have to amend my own story. i just found out (more than a year later!!!!) that he made out with two different girls the night before we broke up! i’m going to confront him tonight (if i can get my nerve up) i’ll let you know how it goes!

Judi's avatar

La Chica, Don’t do it!!! You’ll regret it. let it go!!!

La_chica_gomela's avatar

why shouldn’t i confront him? i should just let him think he got away with it after (a) he cheated on me (b) he lied to me when i directly asked him if he had and© he was a huge hypocrite and called me all kinds of horrible names after he saw me kissing my new boyfriend after we had broken up.

i want to let it go, but not telling him how i feel makes it harder for me to do that because it feels like all my anger at him is bottled up inside, and i tell other people how i feel, but it doesn’t seem to empty, it’s like trying to open a door with the wrong key. it feels like it’s going to work, but in the end, everything inside stays where it is.

what would you do in my situation?

Bri_L's avatar

She called me from her room with the guy in the room to break up with me.

He was the guy she denied cheating on me with for over 3 months.

We had spoke of marriage.

Judi's avatar

La Chica;
Take it from someone who knows. You will end up looking like a fool and embarrass yourself. I promise, if you take the high road and let it go you will be able to live with yourself much easier. Don’t stoop to his level. Be gracious, and know that YOU are the better person. Take confidence that you didn’t go all Jerry Springer because you are NOT a drama queen, you are to valuable and he is just not worth your time. I am an old woman who still wakes up embarrassed at the times I made mistakes like you are about to make. It is a sign of immaturity. keep your head high.

noraasnave's avatar

The gut reaction is to stoop to the level of the offending party. It is so much better to be professional, civil and mature.

Instead of inadvertantly justifying why that person left you by being immature, rude and mean, this could cause them to have no distractions to keep them from examining themself and seeing how wrong they were. That happens sometimes.

Then most of the time they just keep on burying their feelings for the sake of survival and find the next unhealthy temporary fix relationship, while you maturely deal with your internal struggles and seek to put the pieces back together again and put them back better than before.

Then when you heal you can understand what false conclusions led you to be with such a person in the first place and choose wisely next time.

augustlan's avatar

@noraasnave: Hope you are healing nicely.

noraasnave's avatar

@augustian: I have been, thank you. Plenty of time to reconstruct and restore myself, with nothing too challenging going on here in Iraq. Time in the desert facilitates self reflection and rebuilding. ;)

jessicaevil's avatar

if everyone you know tells you someone is a loser and is immature and isnt right for you believe them. for 3 years i have been supporting my bf who doesnt work and is 7 years younger than i am and at 25 he is a total mommas boy. she hates me because i am older and have 2 little boys. in the begining he (upon her request) broke up with me a ton of times and the last year we have been doing really good no break ups. i have been working crazy hours 12 days straight 16 and 10 hour days and he takes care of the boys and the house and me and he is angry because he is stuck at hom all the time. i say get a job. then he says i nag him about getting a job. well his mom wanted him to come over for poker he promise we would leave @ 10 i was exhausted from long work hours and around 11 he still wouldnt leave. he was drunk. always looking for the next party. and we argued he said he was just going to spend the night there. i told him if he didnt leave i would pack his stuff and put it on the street. he hasnt been home or called us since. my little boys keep asking where he is. he isnt man enough to even call and tell me its over and come get his stuff. i feel like my heart has been destroyed. i am sick and havent eaten anything in 3 days now.

Judi's avatar

It’s sad when there are kids involved. I didn’t even introduce my kids to my husband until I was sure we were going to get married. When my first husband died I wanted to make sure I didn’t have a parade of “uncles” for them to get attached to and then get hurt when my relationship with them didn’t work out.

Judi's avatar

Oh yea, and another rule I had, if the guys parents didn’t adore me, I wouldn’t pursue the relationship further. marriage is hard enough with family support. It’s even harder without it.

Mexicanamerican's avatar

@ jessica I’m so sorry I know the feeling too well, but you are better off, you may not believe it now, but you will eventually..

Magnolia21's avatar

It wasn’t a heated break up but it was certainly the most awkward. I was vacationing at the same resort he was and I thought maybe it would help us get back on track. Wrong, he dumped me in the pool right before we had to go to dinner together. I had to spend five more days with him.

Evelyns_Other_Zebra's avatar

When i found out the person was gay after dating for two years.

Kraigmo's avatar

I dunno if this was a “breakup” cuz I didn’t really consider her my girlfriend. She sure considered me her boyfriend though. She was staying at my house as a friend and sometime-lover. She’s really pretty. But crazy as I found out more and more. I had to get her out of my house in a non dramatic way. I did not want police to show up. And I did not want a scene. If I asked her to leave, or even came up with a generous timeline, she’d go nuts on me. So I pretended we were going camping. And instead I packed up everything she owned and put it in my trunk. Then I drove to the Greyhound station where I knew there’d be police officers. I told her “there’s something I gotta do” and I got out, and told an officer how crazy she is and to please observe as I tell this woman she’s out of my life, because she’ll get violent. At first the cop says no, he’s busy. Then I say to him “You must come with me. She really is crazy, she’ll get violent”. The cop looked me in the eye and saw I was serious. So he followed me back to the car. My whole plan was to tell her that I’m getting her out of my life, here’s her stuff, and here’s bus money, now take a greyhound to wherever. And I needed a cop to observe because this whole scene of me dumping her, would definitely make her violent.

So I bring the cop up to the car and tell her we’re done (I’m being polite/calm as possible despite the horrible thing I’m doing). She indeed gets violent and starts hitting me and saying insane things. The cop calls for backup, and 2 more cops show up She’s totally out of control at this point, so they arrest her. (That wasn’t in my plan, but so be it).

I put all her belongings in the cop car’s trunk. I asked where they’re taking her. They said county psychiatric. I already know psychiatric hospitals don’t cure anyone, they just stabilize, so I had no high hopes for her, but I was happy that she was safe, and more importantly, I was safe.

I then went home to make sure she was on a 5150 (an involuntary psychiatric lockup), and she was. I had to make sure because I did not want her coming back to bang on my doors and cause a scene. I then called the facility up to talk to her. Now normally I would not call someone under these circumstances, its best to dump them and avoid them forever. But I knew she was in a rage, and I needed to calm her down so she would not return to my house when she’s released. So I told her “I had to do that, you were going crazy on me and I had no option. I just wanted to let you know I’m moving and I’m not going to tell you the new address. But no matter what happens I love you”.

I had to find a way to make sure she did not come back to my house, while calming her down. So I said it the way I did, and ended it on a positive note. Despite the fact I don’t really love her. Well that worked out, and she never did come to my door. She called a few hundred times, but I let my machine answer the thing for a year, and finally she gave up.

I hate having to do what I did, but I’m happy with myself for finding the only nonviolent solution that would be more or less permanent, so long as I never call or respond to her ever again. There was no communicating with her on any deep issue, without her going into a rage. I was left with the only hope, of tricking her out of my life.

That was almost 3 years ago, and it worked. Except I did come across her randomly at a music festival once, and I treated her nicely when I saw her, but I could also tell she was still insane. It was glaringly evident to everyone who met her.

Now in a way, my post here is a lie, because that was not the “worst” breakup ever for me. The worst was breaking up with a different woman, a girl I loved deeply, and it was a calm, respectful, orderly breakup. But that’s the worst. Just giving up someone who seems like a soulmate, or close enough/

As for giving up the beautiful-but-crazy massage technician described here, well it makes for a dramatic story but it was a huge relief, rather than a broken heart. Actually I think it worked out perfectly, under the constrained circumstances I was in. (I’ve never called the police on anyone else in my life… except once, on a violent stranger).

After the 3-day hold ended and she was on a bus to a far-away county, at that point, I really did go camping. And it was beautiful. I felt horrible for this woman, but great that she was gone, great that I was safe, and great that I was in the mountains.

rainboo101's avatar

well i guess my relationship was pretty immature. i met him at CCD and well, we only saw each other once a week for 2 hours. youd think it wouldnt work out. well we started dating and i started liking him more and more. then around thanksgiving i started saying that maybe we should break up and just call it quits before it got too serious. he said he liked me and we would find a way.OBVIOUSLY i fell for it. two days after that he said i was right and we should break up, he did this in a TEXT. i had a little problem with this cause i liked him a lot and i figured it was best

BOY WAS I LOST. a little bit after he did this a random number texts me and i ask it who it is…well turns out he told this girl he had liked while we were still dating that he liked her, he gave her my number to rub it in, and on top of that the girl was a total meanie and kept on communicating with me. i cried and cried and then some good friends made me realize that a guy like that wasnt worth my tears. soo i guess lesson learned.

lostsoul00's avatar

My first and only relationship of over 3 years had a devastating break up. He went to visit his native country ‘to see old friends and relatives’. We kept in touch, called or emailed daily. I didn’t hear from him one day so I called him at night. He said, “Stop calling me. It’s over”, and hung up on me. I was a little shocked but thought he must be mad at me for something and can’t be serious. I kept calling back until my international calling cards ran out. The next day, I called again and he told me he was engaged and was getting married in less than a month, and there was no hope for us getting back together. Again, he hung up on me and never ever picked up his phone after that… I kept calling day and night, emailing every hour…But he never returned a call or replied. :(

I am still mourning over it. I am still shocked to date. I wake up hoping it was just a bad dream. I am depressed not only because I lost him and I loved him so much but also because he BETRAYED ME! He lied to me. We were practicaly engaged. We were going to get married this June. But he wanted to get married earlier, I guess…To another girl.

He always was a great, caring guy but during the break, he was a selfish, heartless, coward. He couldn’t even give me a chance to ask WHY! HOW!!! He just cut all ties! I never had a proper goodbye with him. If he really wanted to leave me, was this really best the way to go behind my back, fall in love with another girl and propose to her and after she and her family accepts, only then he tells me it’s over? He is now married and proudly and frequently updates his Facebook profile picture, using his wedding and engagement photos. It drives me crazy to see how he moved on as if he never even knew me. It kills me to see that he replaced me so easily and so fast. It kills me that he’s expecting a baby now and I can’t even imagine falling in love again.

Every day is a struggle. I want to end my life. I just can’t move on.

veganAction's avatar

My first love broke my heart and seriously changed my perspective on a lot of things about life. We started dating when I was 17 and broke up when I was 22. Anyhow, she dumped me on Christmas Eve and left me for another woman that she was friends with. We were also living together at the time. Good thing I got accepted into grad school the following year. I had to move to put my mind back together.

Not only did I lose my true love, but I was rejected emotionally and sexually.

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amelia55's avatar

I was dating this girl for a year. It was amazing. We became instant best friends, had everything in common, spent hours and hours on the phone and were inseparable. I was having a few personal problems and broke up with her after a year. She was devastated but I did as much as I could to soften the blow and be there for her. A few months later I ended up going back to school and living in the same area. Inevitably we started hanging out and eventually got back together. Again we were inseparable and everything was fine, except for the occasional fight here and there but nothing serious. One night, recently, we were at a party and I left the room. When I came back she was gone. I didn’t hear from her for 3 days. She shut her phone off and nobody seemed to know where she was. The first day I thought she had either died, or something awful had happened to her. By the second day I finally got out of her roommate that she had gone to a guys house she met in class and that she had instructed her to tell me that she “needed to work some stuff out”. By the third night I received a text saying she was “sorry”. And that was it. Fucking ouch. How can you do that to someone you loved and never spent a day without for almost a year and a half? Just completely high and dry like that with NO word or ANY kind of warning what-so-ever??? I need to know how.

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