Just got a text from my soon-to-be wife. She's saying that...... I'm going to be a dad! I'm only 18. What am I suppose to do now!

On the bright side:

* Your child will probably be out of high school before you’re 40 years old.
* If your wife ever gives you a hard time about communicating something personal in a text message, you can take some comfort in remembering this moment.

No first-time parents feel ready to have a kid.

It would be a great time to get some good relationship & family planning counseling.

Wow..that’s a good news!! Even if it’s unexpected you should take responsibility by taking your parents in confidence.

Get a job. And the next time you go to do the deed, wear a raincoat!

@Zachary_Mendes123 I recommend you talk to your psychiatrist about this news very quickly. If the psychiatrist is unavailable, talk to the psychologist or other therapist. Next, talk to your family.

I am a father.

I have never met anyone who was completely prepared for parenthood. It is a major shift in one’s life. For me, it was well worth it, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. However, I wasn’t 18 at the time. I was 26 when my wife got pregnant the first time.

You and your girlfriend have options. Talk to doctors and family members whom you trust.

Finally, keep this news as private as possible for as long as possible.

First off, if this is how she delivers such very important news, I would rethink marrying her.

Second, I think the two of you are too young and not ready either. I think that you should seriously consider an abortion. If that is not possible due to religious beliefs, consider giving the infant up for adoption.

If you want to engage in either one of the above options, but your fiancee does not, then you will still have to step up and help financially support the baby. It is up to you if you want to be a part of the baby’s life.

What I would not do is get married right now. That would be compounding one mistake with another.

@si3tech I am wondering the same thing why you said that. Is this implying something? I assume you two are exclusively seeing each other?

Both yours and her parents should know about this and you should deliberate this matter with them. Try to beg them, they might be able to help support your child. I can already imagine a lot of repercussion from this but I’ll let you in for a little secret; they might reject the idea of you raising the baby now but eventually they will warm up to the baby and look after it like a part of the family. Try to look at some videos about teen/premature pregnancy and you’ll find that grandparental support is always there. Don’t take it for granted, though, you still need to do your responsibilities as parent and by default that should be the most heavy-burdened task you must perform should you choose to become a parent.

Text her back and ask “Who is this?”

Then get serious. This is a huge step and it is one you both need to be on the same page about (mixing metaphors much? Nah). I have a question for you? Are you ready to grow up? Being a parent is not easy, it is a drastic lifestyle change even when you are prepared for it.

But, the main thing right now is to sit down and talk it out together and see what direction each of you is looking toward. Communicate…......In person….....Quickly.

The more you know, the better all three of you are. Informed choices, not emotional ones.

If you two are deeply in love and can’t imagine not being together for the rest of your lives then it’s time to celebrate. Make serious plans. Talk in depth with your parents to see how or if they can help. Be joyous and excited.
If you are not deeply, passionately in love this could be a problem. I can’t give advice about it under these conditions.

The two of you have a deep love and commitment – you were already planning to get married. Go ahead and do so now, have your precious baby, and build a great life.

Yes, you and your fiancée are young and face some obstacles, and none of this will be easy. Things are getting very real, but the joy can be astounding.

Why do you say that you’re not getting married until 2019? Please don’t tell us that you and she are planning some big, elaborate wedding. Weddings don’t matter at all; marriages do. A courthouse or city hall wedding is just as binding as a white-dress affair, and you need to get serious immediately and save all that money.

Best wishes, and please keep us informed.

I have young kids. This was my day today.

6:20 – alarm goes off, kids (2 and 5 years old) hear it and come lay on top of me in bed, absolute best part of the day. Get out of bed and get everyone dressed, breakfast, and packed up.
7:25 – pull up at school, oldest says her throat hurts, she feels hot on her head and chest, so no school for her, everyone back in the car
8:00 – drop off 2-year-old at daycare and head back home with the oldest
8:30 – set her up on the couch, take her temp, give her advil, call the school, call work, call my wife
9:30 – daughter is worried and crying, sit with her until she falls asleep, I get up and pull her sheets, my sheets, and her brother’s sheets off the bed so they can be washed
10:00 – daughter wakes up and is nauseous, get her up and moving and go to the urgent care clinic
12:00 – back home, she threw up in the waiting room (we had a bucket), strep test negative, so doctor says to just treat symptoms and take antibiotics (and it might still be strep, yay). Get her liquids and some soup she doesn’t want.
12:30 to 3:00 – try to get some work done with all the things I was supposed to do today. Make sure my daughter has everything she needs and plenty of My Little Pony queued up on the tv.
3:15 – leave daughter with my wife and go to a parent teacher conference with her kindergarten teacher, pick up antibiotics at the pharmacy on the way home
4:00 – back home, eat lunch, check on everyone, make plans how we’re going to take care of my daughter tomorrow, because she won’t be going to school
4:45 – head out to pick up the boy from preschool
6:15 – get home, start dinner
7:00 – eat dinner, put sheets on the beds because I forgot to while doing the rest
7:45 – wash the kids separately
8:30 – read stories and put the kids to bed, knock out some dishes
9:00 – boy is up and coughing, but not hot, put him back down. I’ll have to check on him a couple times tonight to see if he has whatever his sister has.

Today was some extra drama because of the sickness, but it’s also pretty typical. From 6:20 in the morning until 9ish at night, I’m either working or taking care of my kids. Every single day, 7 days a week (kids don’t understand weekends). With a few variations, that’s been true for the last 5 years and I don’t see that it’s going to change any time soon.

In a nutshell, that’s parenting. If you love them, and can handle the grind of them taking over your life completely, you’re as ready as anyone.

Be honest with yourself, your fiance, and everyone else involved. If it works out that you’re going to be a father now, congratulations, love that baby more than anything else in the world.

Holy cow!^^ Am I ever glad we chose not to have them.
But good for you someone has to do it.

When or if the time comes and you need baby clothes, message me. I’ll send you a care package.

Congratulations I guess. (I haven’t really sensed your joy and excitement yet, hence the reservation.)

If you thought you were messed up before you had a wife, a young wife, a pregnant young wife, and then a baby in the house, then oh, boy, are you in for a rude awakening.

You might also want to prepare yourself if the authorities come to ask you questions. People under the age of consent (18) cannot consent to have sex and a person over the legal age (18) cannot have sex with a minor (Under age 18). It constitutes statutory rape.

@kritiper – most states have an age of consent under 18, and also have exceptions for couples who are close in age. Not sure where @Zachary_Mendes123 is, but age of consent by state if in the US, or a wider look on wikipedia.

@funkdaddy @kritiper Yes, some states have what’s called a “Romero and Juliet law” and that means that if a couple was dating before one turned 18, they are allowed to continue dating if the age difference is 3 years or less. I don’t know if that means they can legally have sex.

@Zachary_Mendes123—(here comes a wall)
I wouldn’t try to talk your fiance into an abortion. I would subtly ask her her views on it first, and then maybe bring it up as an option. If she takes serious offense or gets upset, leave it alone. Do not try and guilt her or anything of the sort.

If you have a lot of mental issues, I really would try to amp up your treatment before the baby is born. I am not saying to rush things, because you can’t really do that with mental disorders, I would just try and get on a stable medication or see if you can see your therapist more often.
You and your fiance are going to need to do a LOT of growing up in the next few months, and you need to be with her every step of the way. Your relationship will be tested and you will go through a lot of stress. One thing you need to remember is the you do not abandon her. If things get to crazy and you guys decide to split, make sure you are still helping her out. I’m stressing this so much because regardless of how many mental issues you may have, abandoning someone you got pregnant is shitty and cowardly.

You guys are very young and not to be super negative, but most young relationships, especially those that involve them having kids at a young age, usually don’t last that long. People your age typically don’t know who they want to spend the rest of their life with. I’m not saying it’s impossible for that to happen because you could probably list off many examples, I’m just making sure your aware, and that again, you need to be a supportive father and friend to her.

I can’t speak on how stressful being a parent is, I am only 16 and not a parent. But I would recommend you talk to other parents (maybe some on this site) and read a few books.

Also, make sure you guys discuss how you are going to handle school. Unless you can get someone who’s willing to take care of your baby while you are at school, one of you may have to quit.
To be honest, if it does come to that, I would recommend you let your fiance stay in school until she graduates high school. It will make it slightly easier for her to find a job with a high school degree. Plus, if she ever does decide to go the college route, she won’t have to go back to high school or try and get a GED. You are in college, so you already have a HS degree.

Edit: She might have to go for a GED anyways, because her HS might kick her out if she starts showing
Edit part two (last one I promise): Maybe look into some online colleges if you want to stay in college, but for sure encourage your fiance to continue her education. Also think about how you guys will finace everything.

@funkdaddy – I have friends who have crazy schedules like you. Parenting isn’t easy for sure..)

@funkdaddy and @SergeantQueen Johnston’s Law states that “Murphy’s Law is ALWAYS in effect and it can affect YOU.” In this case, the YOU is the OP. Best if he keeps 100% of his bases covered 100% of the time, just in case. “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

@kritiper What exactly is Johnston’s law? I just googled it and I got no results..?

@SergeantQueen It is a new and still rather obscure term (20 years old, approx.) that says just what I previously noted. You see, some supposedly “blessed” people go through life as if Murphy’s Law will not, and can not ever affect them. Johnston’s Law advises those people of possible events, dangerous or otherwise, in life, and that they should never ignore Murphy’s Law.

@SergeantQueen I recently dropped out of college so I’m most likely going to be the one taking care of the kid full time.

Why did you drop out of college?

Didn’t you just say you were taking a course like 2 or 3 days ago?
I’m not in any way insinuating you may be lying, I’m just trying to figure out the timeline because it looks like you were in a hospital, in college, dropped out of college, and now have a pregnant fiance all in little over a week?

@funkdaddy He states his age in his question.

@Zachary_Mendes123 I have the same questions that @SergeantQueen just asked.

^^ Which I asked in a post that was modded off.

Yeah, something isn’t right here @Zachary_Mendes123
Could you please clear some stuff up for us?