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dopeguru's avatar

I feel old and lonely, what should I do?

Asked by dopeguru (1894points) October 30th, 2017 from iPhone

Im in my late 20s and I already feel like I’m dying next year. Possibly because society values youth and beauty more. Especially the media…. I feel like I’ll be partially dead by next year according to its standards. I mean, in a way I will be…

I feel absolutely alone. And I am. I don’t have any friends and don’t know how to make any. People terrify me. Its hard to know the ones who are rotten so I’d rather not hustle. Had a lot of bad friendship experiences in my life.

And no, I can not see a psychologist because where I currently live, its $100+ per session and I don’t have a job. That’s another thing. I am not making money. And I feel like a failure. A college graduate but nobody wants to pay me to do stuff.

But first two things I complained about are my primary cause of pain.

Do I really hustle and achieve what I want in order to feel okay about all this? Being famous has always been my main goal. Even random new people I meet tell me I have the aura of someone well known. I know this isn’t a great goal, but a lot of famous people were I read obsessed with being famous, and they got it.

Are these emotions normal? Have you felt anything similar?

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24 Answers

Jeruba's avatar

I’m sorry for your distress. In fact a lot of people can relate to it, but one of the problems of self-isolation is a notion of uniqueness that can really mess you up.

Tell me honestly: are there drugs and/or alcohol in this picture?

dopeguru's avatar

@jeruba none AT ALL..

filmfann's avatar

I’ve been there.
I really feel like the Lord was saving me for the time my wife was ready. When I met her, everything came together.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Maybe you need to make a big change somewhere in your life. Shake things up. Move, and/or reinvent yourself. Be who you want to be.

YARNLADY's avatar

Use the internet to find a volunteer position. You will meet new people while providing a useful service.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I’m sorry but I’m going to be really frank here.

Judging from your question history, you have already been in your current state for a long time, and you only start to sense it now. You had quick sex with several men despite our warnings. You kept repeating the same mistake again and again. Men had sex with you then left you because they couldn’t feel any love with you and thought you were only in for the sex, and you wondered why. You can’t see the signs of an abusive relationship and you think certain kinds of people are meant to be bad. You have such a distorded view on love that once you believed that you could get a man to love you in just 3 days. You want to be famous but have no idea what you want to do and make no effort to fullfil your dream.

Go back and read your old questions. Part of the advice on how to fix your life is already there. Just for once take our advice first before thinking of anything else. As for being famous, stop wanting to be famous and instead ask yourself this “what do I want the most in life?” The people who you said are obsessed with fame suceed because they know exactly what to do to be famous and work their ass off for it.

chyna's avatar

Change your life. You don’t like who or what you are. Get out of the rut of meeting and sleeping with men. That seems to depress you. Become a person you would admire. Go back to school, move, seek friendships with people you like.
To me, one of your biggest issues is that you won’t own up to who you are. I have mentioned several times to you to stop sleeping around and you always say, this is the first time. Well, in reading all your questions, we all know it is not your first time. I am not judging you, and I don’t care how many men you sleep with, but it seems to hurt you. So stop doing it.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
CWOTUS's avatar

Considering her relatively young age, I think @Mimishu1995‘s advice is outstandingly good. She may want to brush up on her people skills and presentation a bit, but hey… look who’s talking, right? Really good advice there, though.

I read something related to this over the weekend, which I didn’t pay a lot of attention to because I wasn’t looking for it, but it resonated as true when I read it, and it’s totally applicable to @Mimishu1995‘s advice:

If you want a particular kind of success (and the example given in the piece that I read was “wealth”, but “fame” works as a kind of stand-in for that) then you probably have to approach it indirectly. For example, if you want “to be rich” as a goal then it won’t necessarily work, either long term (or at all, in some cases) to answer the question “How can I make money?” No, the indirect approach is “What can I offer that people will exchange for?” In other words, “How can I be of service?” That’s an indirect approach that may yield surprisingly good results.

In any case, and though you didn’t ask for this advice, I would suggest that you read some autobiographies of “famous people” – and I won’t suggest any that might steer you in a particular direction; you pick some of your own choosing – to see what they say about fame. Almost to a person they regret having become famous; it has a certain allure to those who don’t know a lot about “being famous”, but there is great value in being anonymous. Unfortunately, you may not see that value until you have lost it, maybe forever. Think carefully about the goal of “being famous”, and try to learn what you’d be getting yourself into.

LuckyGuy's avatar

You mentioned you “feel old and lonely”. You may feel old but you are definitely not alone. Want proof?
Look here! Look how many people care enough about you and your well being to answer your questions. They took time out of their day to write to you hoping you will find the advice helpful and useful. That shows concern and care.

I’m an engineer who deals in facts, data, and mathematics. I can’t offer advice about what to do with your life. But I can point out that there are people who definitely care about you. You are not alone.
Peace.

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
dopeguru's avatar

@Mimishu1995 How are you relating my state with my sexual relationship with men?
I’ve only been with 6–8 people my entire life. My friends, well, over 20 by now. I don’t like that you’re making me sound like a hoe.

josie's avatar

This is pretty much a remake of https://www.fluther.com/180332/i-just-dont-get-the-purpose-of-life-anymore/ which you asked a couple of years ago.
Why not read the answers you got back then as a refresher course?

dopeguru's avatar

@chyna I DON’T sleep around like that. But I take men seriously because they are distractions from death. They provide these moments of extremes that make me stop feeling existential, which is why I have a habit of being involved emotionally in boys. :/ I have been good with that lately, haven’t even spoken to a male romantically in 2 months. Not even thinking about it. But now, the existential void settled in… Hence this question :D

Response moderated
dopeguru's avatar

@CWOTUS This is the best advice I’ve ever heard. Shifting the mentality from wanting fame to thinking about others, and thinking about what I could offer… That helped. Thank you

Mimishu1995's avatar

@CWOTUS I admit I was being harsh, but thanks :P

@dopeguru it’s easy. You want to find a man that loves you and have a good relationship, but because you don’t have a grasp of how love should work and you can’t see the red flag of a man being abusive until it’s too late, you start to doubt men’s sincerity, and then people’s sincerity in general. Didn’t you just say I don’t have any friends and don’t know how to make any. People terrify me. Its hard to know the ones who are rotten so I’d rather not hustle. Had a lot of bad friendship experiences in my life. The evidence is all over the place.

And I agree with @josie that this is a reincarnation of your old question, just with sightly more details. You really should go back and read all of your old questions. The people you see being so happy, they actually get their ass off and do something.

Response moderated
kritiper's avatar

Get yourself some anime on DVD, a couple of packages of Keebler chocolate chip cookies, a gallon of milk, and a tall glass. Then kick back, enjoy some wild and colorful animation, and stuff yourself with cookies and milk.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@dopeguru This is simple whining. Stop it. Get out and build the life you want.

canidmajor's avatar

You can’t get a job or you can’t get the job that you want? You don’t have friends because you don’t want to try anymore? You want to be famous for what? For simply existing?

I get being depressed and tired in my 20s. Been there, done that. Had some toxic friends, made a suicide plan. Instead I availed myself of some community services (counseling), got a scut job (cocktail waitress at a bowling alley), and walked dogs at a shelter.
I got out of my own head. I’m still here over 40 years later. I know some people who are famous because they are related to famous people. They hate the fame because they didn’t earn it, but get harassed.

Rethink your life. Or, go quick marry a wealthy older guy while you’re still young and pretty, and make sure to save up your cash for when he dumps you for someone younger and prettier.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

I can relate and let me offer up some positive aspects of your situation. When I was in my mid-late 20s I sort of self isolated. I knew my friends were bad influences so I moved just far enough away that they would be out of reach. I spent probably four years just doing things on my own. The end result was I learned who I was. While it was lonely and depressing I still think it was the single most important thing I have done in my life. I did have a job but it motivated me to get a better one. Knowing myself made dating easier too. Take that perspective, you are discovering who and what you are. Lonliness and depression are a sign though that it’s time to start thinking about change. Set some goals and do your best. Unemployment is tough though, I would focus on that. For the record being 30 something is about the best. I hope my 40’s are like my 30’s. I would not want to be 20 something again.

janbb's avatar

I would humbly suggest that you get a job – any job. It will take you out of your head and make you interact with people.

LornaLove's avatar

The most important relationship we build is the one we have with ourselves. When we respect ourselves and are kind to ourselves we not only glow and flourish but age is no longer an issue. We ALL go through times when our self-esteem is shaken and we rebuild. You see life is great like that, it keeps us growing, if we don’t grow from pain we become self-obsessed.

Imagine for a moment that you were your own boyfriend husband, whatever. What would he do for you? How would he treat you? Then, go out and do that very thing for you. Avoid media it is a cesspit of lies. Instead look at the people around you they are filterless.

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