General Question

Patty_Melt's avatar

They are not your parents, what do you do?

Asked by Patty_Melt (11095points) January 6th, 2018

How would you react if you learned the people you grew up with were not related to you, and you had never been legally adopted?
Would you hate them?
Would you trust them?
Would you drop everything to search for who you really are?
How would you handle the situation?
Maybe you would just disappear, or maybe confront them.
Think about the feelings you have now. Would they change?

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13 Answers

janbb's avatar

My first reaction was, “Yippee!” But then I would start searching for answers.

Mimishu1995's avatar

My parents raised a possibility of me not being their child once. They said when I was born I was grouped with some other kids for the doctors to do something with us, and at that time there was no name tag. So it could be possible that the doctors got us mixed up.

They then asked me the same question.

In that case, I wouldn’t want to leave. It wasn’t their fault. Beside, I’ve been around them for too long to leave. I would just let it go.

Patty_Melt's avatar

@Mimishu1995, wow! You caught me off guard with that one!
So, your special situation makes me want to know, since DNA testing has gotten like it is, do you think you would ever try to find out?

cookieman's avatar

If they raised me as their own and treated me reasonably well, I wouldn’t care.

Legal adoption is just paperwork. Genetics is just biology. It’s who put in the work that counts.

I would be curious how I ended up with them. Hopefully I wasn’t kidnapped.

Kardamom's avatar

I have wonderful parents and family. I would say Wow! but I would have no interest in looking for the “real parents” whatever that means. I would probably have a lot of questions, but I’m very happy with the parents that raised me, so I would have no desire to seek for other parents.

Adagio's avatar

It is hard to imagine that scenario and impossible to know what I would actually do were it to happen. Initially I would feel stunned, after that, I don’t know how I would feel, let alone what I would do.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Patty_Melt actually that was also what my parents said too. I think I would, just out of curiosity, because it would make no difference what I think of them anyway.

Darth_Algar's avatar

I’d probably be mystified, as I’ve seen photos of even distant relatives of my grandfather and can see an almost scary physical resemblance between them and myself.

seawulf575's avatar

If the people that raised me for as long as I could remember suddenly turned out to not be my parents and never were, I’m not sure I would care. Provided there wasn’t some crime, such as they stole me from the hospital. They cared enough to claim me as their own. They cared enough to take care of me, love me, teach me, etc. I would probably be curious about who my real parents were, but not enough to make me drop everything to find them.

Unofficial_Member's avatar

For them to have taken the time to raise me till adulthood there’s no way I’ll resent them just because of my unknown lineage. I don’t understand the fuss of adopted children wanting to find their ‘real’ parents. Who cares who gave birth to you so long as your current family can give you whatever you want regardless of their bloodties with you.

Darth_Algar's avatar

“I don’t understand the fuss of adopted children wanting to find their ‘real’ parents. Who cares who gave birth to you so long as your current family can give you whatever you want regardless of their bloodties with you.”

It’s completely understandable to want to know where you come from. We humans, collectively, have been trying to answer that since we became aware of ourselves. Can’t fault someone for wanting to know on an individual and more direct level. Furthermore, nowadays it can be important to know because of genetics, family medical history, etc.

KNOWITALL's avatar

From my life experience, most people try to search to find birth parents, regardless of how nice the adoptive family is. It can be all~consuming so if you go that route, be careful & prepare for the worst first. Walking away once you know, is sometimes very difficult.

Patty_Melt's avatar

@Unofficial_Member, My question is not about legally adopted persons. I state so in my details.
Knowing you were without family, and somebody chose to take responsibility for your life is far apart from what I am asking.
I have heard incredible stories in my life of people one day learning that who they thought was their parents were actually not. Some of these stories involve people I know personally.
In some cases, abduction was the reason. In others, it is a single mother who have relatives, or friends who take the child to save her reputation.
I knew a man who was an adult when he learned that his mother was his aunt, and vice versa.
There was a recent revelation regarding a boy who went missing decades ago.
He was found, and had no idea his name was fake, etc. He had been told his parents were dead.

Would the shift from legal adoption, to other circumstances, change your feelings?

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