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katestanton's avatar

Question on drinking etiquette?

Asked by katestanton (30points) January 16th, 2018

We went out with some of my friend’s friends. My friend’s friend, lets call her Emily, bought 8 shots (2 each) and signaled for us to come over. We took them and one girl wouldn’t drink one of hers so I asked everyone to drink it, including emily, and they all refused, so i took it. The next day I get a venmo request from Emily for 27 dollars for them (3 shots!!). Isn’t it understood that if you buy people shots and tell them to come over and take them, you are the one paying for them. When I go out with my friends I’ll buy them drinks. Now Emily is continually texting me to pay her back the money. Ill pay it back but I would like to text her a message saying something like “Usually when people buy other people shots they pick up the tab” but in more eloquent terms. Suggestions ?

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13 Answers

MrGrimm888's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

Yeah. Sounds like your friend was either confused about the evening, or confused about what it means to buy shots for someone.

I’d pay them. But be wary of this in the future. Don’t accept drinks from that person, without assuming that you’re floating the bill.

And. As you said, a kind conversation with the person may clear up future issues…

katestanton's avatar

@MrGrimm888 any suggestions of how to word this message eloquently ?

KNOWITALL's avatar

“Emily, had a great time, here’s the $27. In future, if you ask me to come take a shot, please make sure I know I’m paying for it. bb”

MrGrimm888's avatar

Eloquence, in this case, is kind of subjective. I would have a conversation, in person. No texts, or anything that could be misinterpreted. If this is a long time friend, it should be easy. If not, more tact will be needed. Honesty, is the best policy. Be frank, but not rude.

katestanton's avatar

not a long term friend at all haha it was just a friend of a friend.


Unofficial_Member's avatar

I would rather punish this woman for being manipulative. She was the one who ordered the shot and the bartender has marked her as the buyer. Nobody asked her to buy the drink so she’s the one who should be responsible to pay the bill considering that she initiated the order on her own.

I’ll say to her “Did I ask you to buy me a drink? And where’s my money for agreeing/helping you to finish the drink?”. Don’t worry, even the law is on your side for this issue.

SergeantQueen's avatar

Nah, I wouldn’t pay her back. I’m only 17 so I don’t know about “drinking” etiquette, but if someone was bringing drinks without even asking first I’d just assume that they paid.

Jaxk's avatar

When you buy drinks the operative word is ‘buy’. If it was me I would merely tell her that if I was ordering my own drink, I would not have ordered shots. Since she was buying, I accepted her offer.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@katestanton Do you think you missed a statement by Emily like “Venmo will send each of your drink bill at the end of the night.” I mean, did she do this to everyone? It’s pretty odd.

janbb's avatar

I would pay it and write something like, “Gee, in my circles if someone buys the drinks and invites you over, it is assumed that they are treating. I’ll know for next time to clarify who’s paying with you.”

Dutchess_III's avatar

I would probably be more blunt. “You bought shots for us. We didn’t ask you to. Why are you now asking us to pay for them?” Put HER on the spot so hopefully she won’t do that again. In the end I would pay it to keep the peace, but I’d certainly never accept another drink from her again.

I’m betting she just woke up the next morning and said, “Oh, crap! How much money did I spend?”

Zaku's avatar

That would be my expectation. I would weight my interest in good relations with Emily (and whoever else she might talk about you to behind your back) against the 27 dollars she is wanting from you, taking into account her other behavior. Then I’d clearly express my position:

explaining my expectation about someone else buying drinks and offering them and not expecting to then be sent a bill unless there was a prior agreement, and that you asked around and confirmed that nearly everyone you asked felt it was up to the person buying and offering to pay, and that there would be no obligation to reimburse for an apparent gift that you didn’t ask for, and certainly not for finishing off a stray shot that no one else wanted

and then, depending on what my decision was, I’d either tell her:

her friendship means more than $27, so here, despite the above, or perhaps, “I bought you a reciprocating unsolicited bottle of hooch (or a book) of my choice, which also cost $27”


I don’t agree that I owe you $27 or even $18, as I believed you were making me a gift, and it seems rude to me to demand payment for something you chose and bought and didn’t communicate at all that you expected repayment for. Hopefully we can agree on that and there are no hard feelings, and then maybe some time I’ll feel like reciprocating your gift.

johnpowell's avatar

The fuck. I think you need a new ottoman. Yeah, I am not going to order you a new one. Tell the bag of shit you charge 27$ a hour to be a drinking buddy. If she has a problem with that tell her not to spend your money.

I read a article on HN years ago about how Venmo is passive aggressive payments. When I was a kid we just rotated paying for rounds. Worked well.

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