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Sunshinegirl11's avatar

Why do I get so drained after hanging out with certain people?

Asked by Sunshinegirl11 (1107points) January 28th, 2018 from iPhone

I’m introverted and I’m really trying to open up and be more of a social butterfly. I’d love to have one or two best friends and then eventually a boyfriend to spend time with.

Anyways, I’ve been getting to know a group of girls and I’ve been hanging out with them. The other day though while hanging out, about half way through my mind just shut down. I was so exhausted, my mind was foggy. I felt like I had just worked a 15 hour shift. I could no longer contribute to the conversations and was desperately looking for a way out.

I’ve noticed this has happened a lot with certain groups of people. With my family I could spend days and never feel exhausted. I’ve had certain dates where they ended up lasting hours and I could still go on forever. The other day at the grocery store I was talking with an elderly lady and I was full of energy and interest.

Is this group of girls just not my “tribe”? Towards the end of that hang out I was really miserable. Any tips?

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8 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Some people are just emotionally draining. People that complain a lot, people who are always having drama in their lives, people who focus on themselves all the time, are tiresome.

Best to do is not hang around them too long, and smile and be positive. Then leave. You really do not need people like that in your life.

CrusoeStudio's avatar

Also, social interaction isn’t an in-born ability. extroversion is the DESIRE to interact with people and through doing so they get used to the specific stress that is entailed. unless you spend copious amounts of time socializing you won’t learn the best ways, or how to deal with the stress as well as some others. Personality is like a muscle, it needs training to get better and deal with strain easier. I hope this helps. :)

Aethelwine's avatar

I am the exact same way. I am a classic introvert and I’ve learned to embrace it. Most social gatherings drain me so I rarely go out. People with high energy who constantly talk are just too much for me to be around for long periods of times. I can handle hanging out with a few people but any more gives me a headache by the end of the night.

It seems you don’t know theses girls very well and you might not click with any of them. That’s okay. You would probably do better if you went out with just one or two girls instead of a larger group. It could be a couple girls from this group or try to find someone else. It’s easier to get to know people when you have more one on one time. When you are with a group of people you don’t know well it takes more energy to stay involved.

Sunshinegirl11's avatar

Thanks for the responses.

@zenvelo One of the girls in the group would NOT stop talking about herself. She’s a very sweet person and wouldn’t hurt a fly but I could not get much in before the conversation turned towards her again. Maybe that is it?

@CrusoeStudio My therapist suggested meetup groups and I know a couple of people on here have suggested that as well. Do you think this is a good way to “train”?

zenvelo's avatar

@Sunshinegirl11 Meet-ups are great, because you can just go and enjoy the activity without being too vocal, and you can just talk about the subject at hand, not on a lot of personal stuff unless you choose to.

Thammuz's avatar

What agegroup are we talking here?

Cause I remember teenagers being exhausting to be around even when I was a teenager myself. The only exception was my group where the shared interests were so many there was really nowhere for the conversation to go that didn’t interest everyone.

That said, keep in mind that very extroverted people can be draining on introverts.

I am extremely extroverted and I learned that I need to rein myself in to make sure introverts don’t implode midway through whatever it is we’re doing.

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