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Sunshinegirl11's avatar

Why do I get anxiety when people brag about me?

Asked by Sunshinegirl11 (1110points) February 14th, 2018 from iPhone

Not necessarily brag but share their excitement for me.
For example, I won a certificate for something and my mother posted it on Facebook. I’m a very private person so she was the only person who I told about the certificate. I never go on Facebook so I didn’t realize it until 4 days later.
Her comment got an excess amount of likes and comments. Reading them of course made me feel good, but now I have A LOT of anxiety. I haven’t even got the certificate yet. What if they see that on Facebook and decide to take the certificate back? Am I coming off as cocky? People think it’s a big deal when really millions of people get the same certificate everyday. See where my anxiety is going?

In the past I was in a relationship with my ex and when I would bring up my achievements I was shot down. So that definitely burned me and is why I’m so private anymore. My parents are the only people I tell.


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6 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

If your mom posts something where she is proud of you, you won’t be considered cocky.

Sounds to me like you have anxiety about living up to people’s expectations. Perhaps it will help if you realize that what is important is your self satisfatcion for what you accomplish, that other people’s expectations are ephemeral.

And your ex was an asshole. Be glad you are no longer with him.

CWOTUS's avatar

I try to always keep in mind what Winston Churchill said about a political rival who was praised for his general air of humility. Churchill agreed, in general, that “He certainly is a humble man, and he has much to be humble about.”

We all have much to be humble about. Sorry I can’t help to alleviate any anxiety you may have; I thought maybe there would be some comfort in the commiseration.

rojo's avatar

I don’t know why you do but do not feel like the Lone Ranger. I also am uncomfortable with praise.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

You could let it slide and not care.

Zaku's avatar

Sounds like you are noticing a shaming pattern. Seems like you’re conditioned to expect people to shame you when something positive about you is brought up.

I would strongly recommend that you (or anyone whom anything like this resonates with… or, really, just about anyone) take a look at the book Healing the Shame that Binds You . There are also audiobook versions, YouTube videos by the author, and similar books on the same general subject by that and other authors, but that one’s a classic.

When those sorts of irrational reactions come up and we notice them, it can be extremely helpful to get a handle on the how the whole pattern of thoughts and feeling (and behavior by others in your life, especially family members) replays for you, to gain awareness (and realize and really get on a visceral level how unreal it is) so it can become possible to “let it slide” as @RedDeerGuy1 suggested. Until/unless we do that, our programming tends to exist for us as very real, dramatic, physical, overpowering, confusing, etc.

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