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monkeybread333's avatar

Can this work or am I being foolish?

Asked by monkeybread333 (150points) February 23rd, 2018

I’m in need of some advice. I met this wonderful man and we went on a date, he was honest and told me he’s living in California right now starting up his own business. He wants to spend half the year in Cali and the other half living here and working here. He is now my kind and loving boyfriend and we are long distance… I don’t want to leave him but can this work long term? It scares me to think what kind of life half a year is.. any advice?

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11 Answers

CWOTUS's avatar

Well… what I don’t understand when it comes to workability is how he can manage a startup business of any kind when he’s away from its location for half of the year.

Long-distance relationships can and do work, but those are also tough at the startup phase. In the startup there’s not enough “investment” of either of you into the other, so it’s easy to be distracted by someone who’s closer and more available (and because of that alone, “more attractive” and… just easier). That goes for both of you, by the way.

Aside from that, it’s hard to advise you on any kind of specifics without knowing you or him, your stage in life, the experience that either of you bring into romantic relationships in general, etc. But if he thinks he can manage a business where he doesn’t put in an appearance for half of the year (and a startup at that!) – and if he can actually do it – then that would appear to argue that at least he can do it.

Can you?

kritiper's avatar

Better to back off. You know what he’s telling you; – but can he really be trusted? And do you really deserve to have a part time BF?
Please reconsider your options…

monkeybread333's avatar

Thank you both for your advice,
I really like him, hes amazing, but I don’t understand how he thinks this is going to work.
Missing half our lives togetherl But then i realize how rare it is to find someone like him

zenvelo's avatar

It can work, but it will take work on both your parts.

And, you don’t have to go six months without seeing him. You can take a long weekend every six weeks or so to go see him, and he visit you.

elbanditoroso's avatar

It is likely to fall apart. I have read statistics on the success rates of long distance relationships, and they are horrendously low. Something like 2% of all LDRs succeed more than one year, while nearby relationships last a year or longer 55% of the time (or something similar).

So this relationship might be the part of the 2% that succeeds, but the percentages are against it.

funkdaddy's avatar

My girlfriend got accepted to a school she really wanted to attend that was a couple of hours away. We made that work for 3 years by each committing to visit as often as we could. Eventually, when it was possible, I moved there and she finished out school. We’ve been married for a while now.

So it can work, but not without contact. The hardest times were when one of us was too busy for the other, even if it was genuine, it’s hard not to feel hurt and that makes you wonder if all the work is worth it.

From the little you posted here, it sounds like a really short relationship so far. I’d just be careful that you’re not just waiting around for him. If that’s the case, it might be better to just go your separate ways and meet back up in 6 months to see if there’s still a connection. If so, then great, you have 6 months to explore it without the added stress of the distance on a new relationship.

If you decide to give it a go, just be honest and transparent with each other, understand you’re each living separate lives and that gets complicated, but enjoy the time together.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

monkeybread333's avatar

Thank you all for such great insight, and for sharing your experiences too. I’m okay with the fact that we’re long distant, we both make an effort to talk every day and video chat every now and then. What I’m unsure about is the idea of him wanting it to always be like this, he wants to ability to travel/work and live between between both countries (as in there won’t ever be a time when he moves here for good, or I move there for good) Can this ever really work?

zenvelo's avatar

Yes, it can, especially since you are going into it with an honest realization of the pitfalls. But it is really a discussion for you to have with him, not us!

snowberry's avatar

Take a look at the relationships of people who are away from home for long periods of time. Military is an example. Others might include Mariners.

Inspired_2write's avatar

I would ask myself if he is doing this to others online as well?
What one finds online is debatable and suspicious to begin with.
Do a background check if possible.
Just to make sure that this is not a scammer taking women for a ride.
Be careful.

Tbh2018's avatar

Ask yourself first follow your mind and heart is he the one then decide

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