Social Question

cutious1993's avatar

Me my Girlfriend and her Cat?

Asked by cutious1993 (23points) March 6th, 2018 from iPhone

Basically my girlfriend ’s cat has been a big issue for me and it is driving me crazy: I am based in here in the USA but I am African by birth and I grew up in a society where cats are seen as a demonic symbol or a sign of evil also most people from Africa will tell you they don’t like cats, but I really don’t care about that. I love my girlfriend when I met her and she told me she had a cat and she said she grew up liking cats, i told her no worries that I am okay with cats because I am a open minded person and I also don’t believe cats are actually demonic and also do not believe in superstition, and I also make her understand I am not use to cats but I will try and get use to it cuz I love her.

5 months into our relationship and we moved in together, this is what the cat has been doing.

Cat poop on the carpet/rug everyday (she doesn’t use her poop cage)

Cat poop stinks and smell so bad.

Cat always sleeps on the bed and make so much noise also scratches the duvet.

Cat also always just jump on the bed and wake me up.

Cat sneezes all the time while sleeping on my girlfriend in the room.

Cat vomits white foams and sometimes blood.

When I am eating the cat keeps staring at me and keeps meowing or screaming.

My girlfriend doesn’t want to do anything about this cat and it is driving me nuts, one time I asked her we should lock the room door when we wanna sleep she said okay but when hears the cat scratching the door she will get up in the night and open the room door.

My girlfriend use the spoon we use in eating to dish the cats food and also use the spoon to trash the cat eating tray after the cat is done eating.

She doesn’t wash her hands after touching the cat all day.

Anytime we wanna have sex in the night the cat comes in the bed and girlfriend doesn’t care but it is a turnoff for me.

The cat sleep on my girlfriends chest most night I can’t even cuddle her cuz she will think I am pushing the cat away.

What should I do?

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16 Answers

johnpowell's avatar

Get the cat to the vet ASAP. Vomiting blood is not normal.

Assuming the litterbox is clean (clean it daily) and the cat has used the litterbox in the past and it has stopped using it we get back to the vet thing.

The rest is just a cat being a cat.

I don’t know the details of your relationship but I don’t think I would make my GF choose between me and her cat. I’m pretty sure the cat would win.

Good luck.

janbb's avatar

I have a different read on it. It sounds to me like your GF is unwilling to make some compromises that seem like reasonable requests on your part. Not using the same utensils, not having the cat in your bedroom and dealing somehow with the pooping situation which is unusual for a cat. I think if she is not willing to make some compromises, these things could be a relationship deal breaker for me. Or maybe go back to living apart and just date.

It doesn’t really sound like she a good caretaker of the cat even.

rojo's avatar

You might try not doing that “take the cat to the vet ASAP” thing and the problem might take care of itself.

si3tech's avatar

@cutious1993 Even if I had no dislike of cats I would not be able to tolerate her treatment of the cat, NOT WASHING HER hands and general disrespect of you! It sounds like the cat is sick. If she were to continue this behavior I would leave before you get sick!

marinelife's avatar

I am sorry, but your girlfriend loves her cat more than you. I suggest you get a new relationship with a non-cat person.

gondwanalon's avatar

No one loves cats more than me.

Our bedroom is off limits to our cat.

I would not tolerate your situation. You are being abused.

Good luck.

Zaku's avatar

1. Very few cats in the USA have any demon in them, according to the (actually pretty many) shaman-types and witch-types I know. Unless possibly seen from the perspective of a bird or mouse.

2, As @johnpowell wrote, a cat pooping on the carpet daily, and cat poop smell away from the litter box, means the cat is sick and/or needs a clean litter box. Clean the box daily and provide a second litter box if possible.

3. If the cat is used to hopping on the bed and sleeping on her owner, it’s very unlikely she’ll give that up. Personally, as a cat-lover, I would make friends with the cat and pet the cat when it jumps up, but that might not be an option that works for you. If you want to stay with this woman, working on your cat relationships will probably help.

4. Sneezing a lot and blood in vomit is a sign the cat is sick.

5. Indoor cats typically live about 12–18 years – how old is this one? Cat lovers though frequently replace cats after they die, but most cats aren’t quite as problematic as you describe… though some of the cause may be unclear litterbox.

6. Cat howling at you while eating probably means it hopes you’ll share your food… again, I’d use my cat social skills, which might not work for you, but it might improve if you can manage to develop more communication/friendship with the cat. Sharing your food though may likely encourage it to meow at you for food.

7. Closing doors on cats rarely works unless the door is durable and you can’t hear it from where you are. It hopefully will let you close a door long enough to make love, though…

8. You should be able to expect different spoons to be used for the cat, or at very least, to wash the spoon thoroughly before using a cat spoon for humans. Maybe get a special designated cat spoon or two.

9. Cat lovers pet cats and then don’t wash their hands. My cat is currently supervising me typing this, sitting between me and the keyboard, oh and now lying on my wrist. There is no chance I will wash my hands after petting – I just wouldn’t get anything done.

rojo's avatar

If you want the cat to stay away from you then you need to become extremely clingy and affectionate to the cat. The more you pick it up and hold it (and hold it close and tight) the more it will stay away from you.

The more you distance yourself from the cat and refuse to interact with it, the more it will come over and bother you.

Just the way cats are, possessed or not.

janbb's avatar

Folks – he is not saying he thinks cats are demonic; he is explaining his cultural background. One doesn’t have to think cats are possessed to not like one. Nor should loving animals mean that you have to accept no limits on their behavior or access.

rojo's avatar

^^^ Lighten up, everyone know this.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@rojo So right, want their attention and they’ll stay away….good one!

chyna's avatar

If my pet was pooping all over the house I would do something about it. Nothing is nastier than shit all over the carpet.
She isn’t showing love, she is showing laziness. To show love, she needs to keep the litter box clean. And I never feed my pet human food from the table. I’ll give her a little fish or chicken in her bowl so she doesn’t beg.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Your girlfriend picked the wrong cat! YOU picked the wrong girlfriend. Tell her she must choose. If she chooses. wrong, you must either ditch her and the cat and never look back, or if you deem her worthy, get your own place and allow her to visit.

LornaLove's avatar

The cat is unwell and needs to be attended to immediately.

Cats will always use a litter-box if it is clean. They are rather fussy about where they poop. If a tray smells it will not go there.

Perhaps Google diseases you can catch from a cat’s tongue and show it to your girlfriend.

After touching a pet, their litter-trays and food bowls one should wash their hands, other than that it should be Okay.
Talk to you girlfriend when she is in a good mood, arguments rarely change anything.

Inspired_2write's avatar

I grew up with cats and never had problems like you describe. Although our cats were allowed outdoors so that does make a big difference.

Our cats like to remain clean and regularly clean themselves and dislike grimy areas.

When I had my own place I got two cats , a male and a female ( siblings) which kept each other occupied playing among themselves while we were out.
Cats are sensitive and when another person is around (unfamiliar) they react by pooping etc unless they are sick?
I had these cats since they were kittens and trained them to do there business in an area designated for them ( a tray filled with clean sand or specially made litter boxes that I kept clean at all times).
I never allowed my cats to come onto the bed at all. cats are nocturnal animals and tend to play at night unless occupied in the day with people around them ( kids)etc.
If you are tense around cats they tend to come over to you to alleviate your nervousness , hence their purring…they are nurturers by nature.
I knew a man who had cancer and his cat always wanted to sit on him purring..and after understanding why his cat did that, he let him on him whenever and it helped the man as well, as he felt comforted.
All animals have personalities so each one is different. That cat probably guards its owner as it had been since it was brought into her home?
Obviously the owner feels comforted by its presence?
Let the cat get closer to you without fear as it wants to comfort you too.
After it gets used to your presence it will go on with its daily routines without bothering you two.
However boundaries should be set by the owner as to where is sleeps at night.
In effect you are replacing the cats duty to comfort its owner.
The cat if not sick is upset naturally.
Keep things clean and keep up its litter box to teach it properly.
A vet should look at it for usual checkups at least once a year..requires needles etc.

Perhaps VOLUNTEER at a S.P.C.A. center to learn what is required
(responsible owners should know that) and to feel comfortable around cats and other animals.
You may like it.

SimpatichnayaZhopa's avatar

This girl cares more for her cat that she ever will for any human. I suggest that you accept that you will always place second to this cat and her next ones, Just find a better girlfriend. Find one who cares more for humans than for cats.

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